For The Love of Kate Chapter 1
by Purple Satin
Summary: Entry Castle 2015 Summer Hiatus Ficathon. Kate has been recuperating from her shooting at Jim's cabin. Kate is having nightmares about her shooting and misses Castle. What if Jim confronts her about her feelings for him? Will she be able to deny them?
1. Chapter 1

For The Love of Kate Chapter 1 Re edited

So sorry about all the confusion on this. This was brought to my attention by lifeisamystery and I am so thankful for her help and advice. The first chapter justdidn't fit the story, a couple of chapters were the same. So I decided to pull those chapters down and correct those mistakes. Will re post each chapter and I hope you all still be with me.

A/N : Completely A/U. This chapter is set pre -Season 4: 01 "Rise.' Entry for 2015 Castle Summer Hiatus Ficathon. Time is a couple of weeks before Kate's return to work. For this chapter Jim and Kate are at their cabin while Kate recuperates .

Summary : Entry for 2015 Castle Summer Hiatus Ficathon . Kate is having strong feelings for Rick , but will she admit it ? Can she deny them? Although, missing him, will she confront him with these feelings? After three months of radio silence from her, will he still be waiting for her? What has Rick been up to?

Shout Out to GeekMom, who beta ed this for me. Chris, thank you for all of your support. Without your friendship, support and nurturing me along, I never would have gotten this far. You are invaluable.

Disclaimer: The only thing I own is Seasons 1-6 on DVDs and a great love for the story and characters that Andrew Marlowe created and the people who portray these wonderful characters.

The brilliance of the full moon lured Kate to the Adirondack chairs on the deck overlooking the lake. She had come out seeking solace, peace after having wakened from the same nightmare that she'd had every night for the last three months. Nightmares that woke her screaming, gasping for air, with trembling hands and copious amounts of sweating.

Taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly was making her chest and lungs burn, trying to get her breathing under control before she passed out from hyperventilating.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to drown out the noises around her, the white noises that usually she found comforting and gave her a sense of peace. The sounds of the fish splashing in the lake as they leaped for bugs that landed on the water's surface, the distant hum of a boat across the lake, and the crickets chirping their usual cadence usually brought her a sense of peace.

But tonight, those sounds seemed so discordant, shattering the tranquility, becoming magnified and grating on her last nerve. She wanted to go home and wondered what Castle was doing right now. Was he thinking of her, perhaps looking at the moon? Was he missing her as much as she was missing him?

She startled at the feeling of gentle fingers on her arm. She turned and saw her dad standing there, offering her a cup of Chamomile tea and the throw blanket from the couch.

" I thought you might need these. " he said , wrapping the warm blanket around her shoulders .

" Thanks, dad. _I'm sorry if I woke you." She hated that he felt like he had to be here. She was worried about him. He was getting older, still in good health, but still..._

" _You didn't. I was awake reading. You're trembling, it must have been another bad one. "_

" _Yeah, it was ." she said, cradling the mug in both hands, letting the warmth seep through her cold fingers._

" _Wanna talk about it ?" he asked, concern and worry deeply etched in his eyes and in the lines on his face_

 _Finally, managing to get the mug of hot tea to her lips, she took a sip, relishing in the warmth it provided._

 _Shrugging with downcast eyes, she replied, " It's the same. Always the same. Mom and Roy... I just wish they would stop._ _I wish I could solve mom's case and we could finally have some closure and get justice for her. And I will, someday. "_

" _Katie, don't you think that it's time to let that go? Look, what that has done to you. You were shot in the chest and I almost lost you because of it. Do you honestly think she'd want that? No! I can tell you that she wouldn't. What do you think she'd say to you if she were here right now? Do you think this is what I want for you? I love you, Katie , and I'm so very proud of you, the woman you've become and wherever your mother is, I'm sure she is, too, but I don't want to see you throw your life away chasing after this! You have nothing to prove. Not t your mom, not to me or anyone else. I want justice too, but. not at such high personal cost. " Jim retorted, vehemently._

She was a bit taken aback by the tone in his voice. This was a side of her dad that she hadn't seen since she was twelve and to say that she was a bit surprised was an understatement .

"Dad, I don't know what you want me to do here. What do you want me to say? Why are you so angry with me all of a sudden? You know why I do this."

" I'm not angry at you honey, I'm just so worried and I didn't mean for that to come across like that. You're my only child and I love you. We've already lost your mother, please don;t let me lose you, too. You're all I have left and it would kill me to lose you, too."

" You're not going to lose me, dad ." she said, taking his hand.

" You don't know that, honey. And they damn near killed you. Walk away, while you still can."

" You sound just like Castle now ." she said, shivering just at the memory of a shared kiss seven months ago. A distant memory that she held onto and would never forget. A memory she desperately wanted to live again. If there was any chance at all...

" Rick asked you to do that? "

" Yeah. The night before Captain Montgomery was killed. He came to my apartment to fill me in on some of the clues he and the boys had figured out on Raglan's murder case. He said whomever was responsible was going to kill me. He said that we couldn't win this and asked me to walk away."

" And he was right. They did try to kill you. He's a smart man. I like Rick and now I respect him even more and I couldn't agree with him more."

Kate nodded sadly. "We had a huge fight and in the heat of the moment, said things that hurt each other and I threw him out of my apartment and my life. He accused me of hiding from this in nowhere relationships with men I don't love. It both hurt and made me angry. In retrospect, now I can see where he was right about that part. I never loved Josh. At least, not in that way."

"I never liked that guy." Jim said.

"Why? What did you have against Josh?"

"I never really had anything against him, sweetheart. You just didn't look happy with him and as a parent, that's all I want for you. I just want to see you happy."

Taking a sip of tea, her face twisting into a grimace at the now cool and sweet herbal taste. Placing the cup and saucer on the small table beside them, and wrapping the blanket more securely around her shoulders, she picked up the story where she left off.

"Seven months ago, when Hal Lockwood kidnapped Ryan and Esposito, Castle and I went undercover and played drunken lovers to save them. Lockwood had an armed guard at the entrance to the abandoned warehouse where they were being held and we needed to get past him. There was no time to waste and if we called in the troops, they'd be as good as dead. So Castle and I decided to play drunken lovers to lure Lockwood's goon away from the door until he got close enough to be taken down. The goon was approaching us and I thought we were in danger, so I went for my gun, but Castle grabbed my hand, spun me around and kissed me. Out of the boyfriends _I've ever had, I've never been kissed like that. That kiss awakened something deep inside me._ I never thought I was capable of feeling that."

Now why the hell had she just confessed that to her dad? Other than just bring her boyfriends around to introduce them she had never talked about things like this. Matters of this nature usually was something you discussed with your mom, or best friend, another woman.

Jim chuckled, " Katie, you're in love with Rick. You're a young, vibrant woman. Why wouldn't you experience that?"

Kate sat up, ram rod straight and gave him a dubious look.

" Oh, don't give me that look. What? Am I supposed to be so old and blind that I can't see what's right in front of me?" he asked.

" N- -N- No, but I … I..." she stammered .

" It's written all over you, honey. Has been for quite a while now. It's in your voice when you talk about him, I see it in your face and I saw the way you two looked at each other at Roy's funeral so don't try and deny it."

There was a heavy silence that hung between them and he didn't have to look to know that she was blushing furiously. The same way and the same look Johanna had when she was embarrassed.

Kate let out a sigh of frustration. " I didn't realize that I'm so transparent."

" I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean to embarrass you, it's just that I know you. Perhaps better than you know yourself."

" Okay. Fine! Yes, I am in love with him. I think I've always loved him. As silly as it sounds, as much as I sound like a love struck teenager right now, I miss him so damned much it hurts. A nightmare drove me out here, but when I saw that moon, I wish he were here with me and we could experience this together, not wondering if he's gazing at the same moon thinking of me. I know I sound like a sap…"

" Not a sap honey. A woman in love and there's nothing sappy about that. When was the last time you spoke to him?"

Sighing heavily, she replied, " Two days after my shooting."

Incredulous, Jim asked, " Why? He must be worried sick! "

" Things are complicated, dad. "

" Only as complicated as you make them. How complicated can it be? Does he know how you feel? Does he feel the same way you do? "

Lowering her gaze and picking at her nails, she nodded. " When I got shot and he knocked me to the ground, he told me that he loved me."

" You were still with Josh." it was a statement, not a question.

" Yeah . Things had not been going well between us and hadn't been for months. His long stretches of absences while he was doing his Doctors Without Borders missions was taking it's toll. I admired him for that, but it wasn't enough. I was more alone in that relationship than I was before. In retrospect, I think I got into that relationship to get Castle's attention. I liked and admired Josh, but never loved him. Each time Josh went out of the country, Castle and I just seemed to get closer. I should have broken it off with Josh after our kisses in the alley, but when Josh decided not to go to Haiti, I thought our relationship deserved another chance. "

" But you couldn't let Castle go. "

" No. I felt so bad. I knew it was wrong and I tried to deny the feelings I was having for Castle and tried to pour all those feelings into Josh and our relationship. I hated myself for it, but I found myself comparing Rick's kiss to Josh's, the way I felt in Rick's arms to what I felt in Josh's. There was no comparison. If I get the chance at Castle again, I'll never deny what we have ever again."

" Did Josh ever suspect? "

The corners of her mouth turned down and she shrugged. "I don't know for sure. I think he might have suspected something, but he had no reason to. Other than that one kiss, we never did anything and Josh never knew about that, but after his near trip to Haiti, we began to argue more, often escalating into full blown fights at the drop of a hat... I've never gotten over that kiss and I guess I never will.'

With a shake of his head, he replied, " No, you won't. I remember the first time I kissed your mother. It was our fifth date outside La Lanterna di Vittorio in the Village. I was just starting my law career and couldn't afford the higher priced restaurants. It was her birthday and I wanted it to be so special. It was jazz night so after dinner we went downstairs and listened to the music. There wasn't enough room to dance so we just held hands and listened to the band. We didn't leave until 2:30 the next morning. It was so cold when we left and I pulled her close to shelter her from the wind. Still drunk on the ambiance and the music, I cradled her face in my hands and kissed her. In that moment of time, I felt as though I had been struck by lightning. Time seemed to stand still and rush forward at the same time and I knew that she was the one and my life would never be the same again. Life's too short, Katie. If Rick is the one you want, grab onto to him and hold on for all it's worth. There is nothing any more satisfying than that.."

" I miss her so much, dad. "

"I know you do. So do I and I wish that I could tell you that it gets easier, but we both know that it doesn't. That's a pain that never goes away. It's a part of us, Katie, but it doesn't mean that we have to stop living, just figure out how to move on. So what is it about Rick? Are you afraid that he will wait for you or that he won't? "

" I don't know, dad ... I'm afraid that he'll be so hurt and angry that he won't give me a chance. I just want what you and mom had, you know?"

" Katie, what your mom and I had was real and lasting, but it wasn't perfect. Nobody's is. We had our differences, we had fights like married people do, but we don't belong on a pedestal. If Rick Castle is the one for you, if he's the one that you can't live without, if he's the one who makes you happy, I'll be happy. But you're not going to know until you really put yourself out there."

" So, you think I should call him?"

"Your physical and mental health is the number one priority at this time. As to your own personal happiness, that's your decision and if that's Rick, so be it. But you owe it to yourself to find out, but you're not going to find out if you don't risk it."

" I want to, dad, but I'm so scared. " .

" Scared of what?"

" What if it doesn't work out? What if he's moved on without me? What if he does wait for me? He's been married twice and neither one worked out."

" No one ever promised that we'd be infallible, Katie. We're human and make mistakes and bad choices. That doesn't mean that he's incapable of having a lasting relationship, it just means he hasn't found it, yet. At least, he risked it. And he got a beautiful daughter out of one of them. "

Smiling, Kate said, " Yeah, he did and he's a great dad. He's done an amazing job raising her all by himself and I love him for that. He loves her so much. "

"That speaks volumes to me, Katie. I remember the first time they placed you in my arms when you were just minutes old. You blinked those beautiful green eyes up at me and it was like I had been struck by lightning all over again and you had me wrapped around your finger from that point on. "

"Mmm. Looks like Alexis and I have more in common than I thought."

"Oh? How's that, sweetheart?

"We're both daddy's girls." she replied, smiling at him and tossing a wink his way.

"Well, thank God for daddy's girls and I'm so glad you're mine."

" I love you, dad. " she said, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

" I love you too, sweetheart. Don't hold his past against him. As to if he'll wait or not, well , I think it's your choice in how to handle that. I'd hate to think that you missed an opportunity to find real, unconditional love and happiness and lifetime joy because you were afraid to risk it... I think you owe it to him and yourself to find out."

" Wow, dad. You sound like you're really pulling for Rick... "

" No. I'm pulling for you. But I think he's a better choice than your ninth grade crush, the punk rocker. What was his name? "

Kate's stitches pulled but she couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled forth. " Bobby, and you don't have anything to worry about that happening. I hear that he's happily married with six kids living in Minnesota now. But you really sound as though you really like Rick. "

" I don't know him very well, but he does impress me. He's a good man, Katie, an honorable man and he loves you and you love him. My advice is to call him and talk to him. Don't leave him shut out. I'm sure he's worried sick about you. If you don't want to tell him where we're at, at least tell him how you're doing and that may give you some idea of how he's feeling. Don't leave him hanging .out there. He deserves to know something."

" I promise to think about it, okay ? "

" Okay . I'd say that the ball is in your court now, Katie Just don't wait to long to make your pitch. . Well , that's it for me. Think I'll go to bed now. " Jim said, rising.

" Good night, dad and thank you ."

Leaning down, he kissed the crown of her head. "That's what fathers are for. Just try and get some rest tonight, okay ? "

" I will. I love you, dad. "

" Love you, too."

Well, that had been awkward. At least, at first.

She had never discussed her feelings about her boyfriends before. She'd just brought them around and introduced them expecting her dad to just accept it. But then again, Rick was not just one of them. He was different. Her feelings for him were different.

She and her dad hadn't talked like this in a long time. As awkward as it seemed, she thought it had also been therapeutic for both of them.

Sighing, she picked up her tea cup and headed into the kitchen. Maybe, if she returned to reading sleep would come.

Emptying the remainder of the tea into the sink she rinsed the cup and set it aside to be washed in the morning.

On the way to her room as she was passing the living room her gaze fell to the coffee table.

Since they had come out here for her recuperation she had been re reading Rick's Nikki Heat books.

That was odd. " Naked Heat " was there on the corner of the table. She could have sworn that she had left it in her room when she finished it night before last . She lovingly ran her fingers down the front of the book, tracing the letters with her fingers. She loved Rick's books and felt comforted when she read them. Reading them made her feel closer to him. It kind of took the sting out of missing him so much. Kind of, anyway. But what was Rick's book doing in here when she clearly remembered putting it on the book shelf in her room?

Well, maybe she had been mistaken and accidentally left it there. Clutching the book to her chest, she continued to her room, placing the book back in it's proper place on the shelf and moved to straighten the rumpled covers on the bed before settling back in.

Plumping the pillows behind her back she reached for her copy of " Heat Wave. " Spying her cell phone on the table next to it, she hesitated and picked it up instead. She opened her contact list and found his number, which was completely unnecessary since she knew the number by heart now. The temptation to just do it was overpowering and she was just about to push the number 4, which would automatically dial his number. Her thumb hovered over the number, but she just couldn't do it. Not yet.

Frustrated, she got up and put the device back on the dresser. Her dad's advice made things seem so simple. She needed to get bck to the city and try and talk to him if he'd even see her.

Returning to bed, she picked up " Heat Wave " and began reading where she left off earlier that afternoon - page 100. As she read the written words on the page, she could almost hear his voice, as if he were here reading the pages to her. If she called him now after all this time would he even talk to her? She berated herself over and over again for not keeping him in the loop. If she called now, would he come? What if he's already moved on?

At page 105, the tears flowed freely and unchecked down her cheeks. She marked her place and closed the book when she reached the middle of page 106, a very descriptive part of the scene where Nikki and Rook were making love. Oh, to feel as free to love Rick the same way Nikki loved Rook. She hoped that one day she would. And when that day came, she'd show him in reality just what that would be like. And she couldn't wait to reenact that same scene with the real them instead of the fictional them.

Turning off the light, she slid beneath the covers and positioned herself on her good side to watch the numbers on the digital clock on the nightstand click over, one agonizing minute at a time.

* * *

The last time she looked at the clock it read 4:00 a.m. At 6:00, she gave up all hope for sleep. Her normal morning routine began at this time with a mile long walk on the beach and return to have a light breakfast with her dad, he would then take the boat out to fish for a while, giving Kate some space to meditate or do light yoga. He would return about noon when they would have lunch and then retire to take naps and read or watch what little tv they were able to pick up.

Standing in front of her closet she pulled a pair of capris and a tee-shirt out. Gone were the frumpy, gauzy sun dresses she had to wear because of their looseness, but had almost been a necessity when they first arrived. Eager to get outside and get on with her daily routine, she dressed as quickly and as quietly as she could not wanting to disturb her dad if he were still sleeping.

* * *

As much as she loved spending time with her dad, she really enjoyed this time alone to gather her thoughts and clear her head. Her thoughts turned to the conversation she'd had with her dad last night about Rick. Rick was always in her thoughts and those thoughts had been instrumental in her healing process.

In the beginning, when they'd just arrived, she'd barely been able to make it to the bathroom and back, each step was so full of pain and she'd been on so many different medications that she stayed under the influence and drugged up that she would sleep much of the time only to wake to horrifying nightmares, nightmares that still haunted and impeded her sleep.

Little by little she had been weaned off most of the pain medications and had begun physical therapy. With each agonizing, pain filled step, thoughts of Rick had kept her moving forward when she had felt like giving up and she was not a quitter. In Rick's eyes, she was extraordinary, only she wasn't, but he thought so. She remembered what he'd said to her during the Dr. Leeds murder investigation and Jimmy Moran, the mob boss under the witness protection program and her ex-boyfriend, Federal Agent Will Sorrenson had been shot and she had blamed herself for it. "Most people come up against a wall, they give up. Not you. You don't let go. You don't back down. That's what makes you extraordinary. It was was things like that that he'd said to her over the years that had inspired her and encouraged her to keep moving forward so that she could return. Get on with her life, return to the 12th, return to him.

Now as she walked down the beach, she realized that she had been so lost in thought that she'd lost track of how far she'd come. She should probably turn back now. By now her dad would be up, probably nursing a cup of coffee and preparing breakfast. With that thought in mind, she turned and headed back.

As she turned to head back, a dozen memories of Castle bringing her coffee every morning, the thrill she felt every time his fingers accidentally? brushed against hers in the transfer, the closeness they'd been so close to exploring, an unexpected, passionate kiss shared in an alley that left her weak in the knees and wanting so much more, his plea begging her to stay with him and his "I love you, Kate" as he held her while she was bleeding out all came rushing back to her.

She returned to the cabin an hour later to find her dad in the kitchen slicing fruit for their breakfast.

" Good . " she said, moving into the kitchen to join him. " Sleep well? "

" Fine, I guess, but it looks like you didn't. Make any decisions about what we talked about last night? "

Reaching for the carafe to the coffee maker, she rinsed it out and began filling it with water. Dr. Kovak's had removed the dietary restrictions last week and she was now allowed caffeine in moderation.

"Gee, thanks, dad." she said, teasing him about the remark about the way she looked. "I miss him, dad. More than I ever thought I would. I almost called him last night after our talk."

"Oh? Why didn't you?"

"Fear. Fear of not knowing if he's moved on or not. Fear of what it'll do to me if he rejects me. Dad, I don't think I can handle it if either of those things happens. You were right last night when you said that I'm in love with him. I've been in love with him for a long time now, it's just been that it's always been so complicated between us."

"Like I said last night. It's only as complicated as the two of you make it. So, uncomplicate it."

"Yeah. That's why I've decided to go back to the city tomorrow. I'm going to take the risks."

Setting the knife down on the counter, he turned to look at her. " Are you sure, honey? You're still under a doctor's care."

" All the more reason to go back, dad." she said, spooning the coffee grounds into the basket. " We both know that it's only a matter of time before he releases me. The extra trips into the city for doctor's appointments and therapy sessions have been hard on both of us. I just think it would be a lot easier to manage them from there where we'll be closer in. And besides, you have a law practice to get back to. This has been financially draining. " she said.

" I'm doing okay and nothing matters more to me than your health."

"I'm doing fine, dad. And you'll only be a phone call away."

" Okay. If you're sure that's what you want. " Jim said, carrying their plates to the table.

" It is, dad and everything will be fine, you'll see." she said, carrying their coffees to the table and joining him.

" You know, if this is going to be our last day here, I think I'll take the boat out for some fishing. Maybe, I'll get lucky and catch our dinner."

" Yeah! That would be great, dad. Really great. " She liked fresh caught fish, but it was hard to get excited about when she had so much of it. At least three times a week for the last two months! Now, she could get excited about a cheeseburger, an order of fries, and a strawberry shake from Remey's.

When they had finished breakfast, Jim took his plate and cup to the sink and went to get his "lucky " fishing hat and Kate poured herself another cup of coffee. She had just sat back down when her dad came back into the room.

" Hey, honey. Have you seen that book I was reading? "

" No, I haven't, but if you'll tell me what it is then maybe I can help you find it." she replied, taking a sip of coffee.

" Naked Heat. " It was sitting right here on the coffee table when I went to bed last night."

Wait. Wait. What? What did he just say?

Kate choked on her coffee, causing her to spew coffee all over the table and herself, as she gasped for air.

" You okay, honey ?"

No, no, she wasn't! She was quite sure that she'd never be okay again. Her dad was reading Rick's book based on her and laced with steamy sex scenes. It had been one thing to just talk about her feelings for Castle, but to know that he was reading Castle's books based on her was quite another. What the hell ? Her dad never read anything but literature and law books. Never, ever fiction!

" Katie? Honey, are you okay?"

It took several deep breaths before she could utter a word, much less answer his question.

" Y-you're reading " Naked Heat?" But … I thought you only read Literature ."

" Normally, I do, but you left it laying on the coffee table when you went to lay down for a nap. I was curious to see what this book was about."

" When did you start and how far have you gotten? " she asked, her voice still trembling a bit.

" Two nights ago, I guess. I think I stopped at chapter 8. "

Oh, lovely! If he had read that far it meant he had already read the steamy sex scene that took place on Nikki's rooftop. Could this possibly get any worse?

" You do know that it's all made up, right? Rick and I have never …"

Jim guffawed. " Not yet, anyway? Yes, sweetheart. I can distinguish the difference between the real and fictional worlds. Even if there were some truth to it, you're both grown, consenting adults and what you do or don't do is not anyone else's business. But, I gotta say that when you two get together, I hope you don't wait too long. I'd like to iive long enough to see grandchildren." he said, smiling mischievously at her with a wink.

"Dad! Well, since you've read this far, you may as well read the rest of the story. I'll go get it for you. "

Turning to go retrieve " Naked Heat " from the bookshelf in her room, she asked over her shoulder. " So, is this the first of Rick's books that you've read?"

" Actually, no. When you were about fifteen we were planning on coming up here for the summer. Your mom had heard about this amazing new author at work. It was Rick. The day before we were leaving, she'd heard that he was going to be doing a book signing at Strand's Books. We couldn't leave the city before she had an autographed copy of " In A Hail of Bullets. " We stood in line for over two hours before she got her copy. When we got up here, we sat on the deck and read that book together."

" That's weird. I don't remember that. "

Jim chuckled. " That's because you and your friend, M _addie were too busy chasing guys down at the beach."_

 _Giggling, she returned from her room carrying " Naked Heat."_

" _Touche' dad! You're probably right about that one."_

" _I know I'm right. "_

 _Taking his hands, she placed the book in them._ " _You know what, dad? I want to give you this book as a gift."_

" _What? No, Katie. I can't take this. He wrote this book for you. It's even autographed to you."_

" _Dad, it's not like I can't get another one. I want you to have this one. "_

" _I'm touched and I love you, Katie. Thank you!"_

" _You're welcome and I love you, too. Now get in that boat and go catch us a couple of good ones for dinner." she said, playfully pushing him toward the door._

" _I won't be long."_

" _Take as much time as you like, dad. I'm fine."_

* * *

 _After he left, Kate put her plan into action and it felt so good to redirect her focus. Earlier, she had dreaded another fish dinner, but now a fish dinner sounded as good as steak._

 _As creepy as it had been to learn that her dad was reading Rick's " Heat Wave " books with her as his inspiration, she kind of understood her dad's interests in them, but at the same time it still creeped her out._

 _Having finished her morning round of yoga and pushing herself more than she normally did and having had little sleep the night before, she popped " Forbidden Planet " into the DVD player and curled up on the couch._

 _That had been the most fun impromptu date she could ever recall having. After discovering that he had never seen the movie, learning later that he was just messing with her when he said he'd never seen it, she offered to take him, not accepting " no " for an answer._

 _The evening had been her treat complete with candy and popcorn and soft drinks. When he had asked about going to Remey's afterward, she had shut him down by telling him that now he was pushing it. It wasn't until about the middle of the movie when she reached for the popcorn that he'd been hogging that she noticed that he was mouthing the words of the movie word for word. Oh, he was so busted!_

 _When the movie let out, she called him out on it. He admitted that he'd just wanted to go with her to see the movie, asked for her forgiveness and as penance, he'd buy her dinner at Remey's plus dessert, plus the beers. She had been so tired that she said no, but Castle turned the tables on her and wasn't going to accept no for a_

 _While she had been reluctant to go at first, she was glad she went. It had been fun with no talk of Joe McUsic or any of the other cases they had solved recently and no mention of significant others. Just talk and it had been nice. Now whenever she binge watched the show, which was a lot, it reminded her of that night._

 _Just a few weeks prior to that was when they'd kissed in the alley. That kiss haunted her dreams and the memory of that kiss had been her saving grace during this time, propelling her to move forward in her recuperation, encouraged her. She remembered that night in vivid detail. The electric shocks that coursed through her body when he'd wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him, causing her heart to seemingly beat out of her chest causing knees to go weak, the way her body felt pressed against his,, heat consuming her, setting her on fire as his tongue slicked past her parted lips, seeking, exploring. She vaguely remembered moaning his name and going back for more when that kiss broke._

* * *

 _The hum of the electric knife and the pungent odors of fish and lemon juice awakened Kate._ _Glancing at the clock on the DVD player she was surprised to see that it was 4:30 in the afternoon. Almost time to start dinner._

 _Yawning, Kate rose and stretched feeling a bit disoriented._

 _She found her dad in the kitchen, filleting the fish he had caught and was preparing to put them on the grill._

 _" Nice catch, dad." she said, leaning in to kiss his cheek._

 _" Sorry I woke you, sweetheart."_

 _" Mmm, I'm not. If I slept any longer there would be no hope for sleep tonight." she said, taking a bottle of water from the fridge._ _Uncapping the water bottle, she took several healthy swigs._ _" You have a few minutes, dad? "_

 _" Sure honey. Is everything okay? "_

 _" Everything is fine . I just want to talk for a few minutes, but I need to go get something first. Have a seat. I'll be right back. " she said as she was leaving the room._

" _This sounds serious. " Jim said, wiping his hands on a dish towel as he went to sit at the kitchen table ._

" _You'll see. " she called over her shoulder._

 _She returned a few moments later carrying a gift wrapped in aluminum foil. "I couldn't find any wrapping paper so this will have to do,"_

" _What's this? It's not my birthday or Father's Day." Jim said , as she handed him her offering._

" _No. Just open it, dad. I think you'll understand then. "_

 _Smiling, she watched for his reaction as he fumbled opening it._

 _His jaw fell slack and his eyes widened in wonder. Jim's vision blurred as tears pricked his eyes._

 _There was a moment stunned silence. " Katie? I haven't seen this in years! " He ran trembling fingers over the worn jacket of ' In a Hail of Bullets. '_

' _Yeah. I know. That's because when we were going through her things I took it. I had no idea that you were reading it together or I never would have taken it without asking first. I'm sorry I did that. I took it and read it over and over again as you can probably tell. Reading it made me feel closer to her somehow. That book saw me through some very dark days after her death."_

" _I am sorry, honey. I shouldn't have left you alone to get through that by yourself. I should have been there_ _for you instead of drowning my sorrows in the bottom of a bottle."_

 _"No, dad! No recriminations here. Not now and not ever." she said, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I hope this book brings you as much comfort as it has me." Kate lowered her gaze and picked at her nail before she continued._ " _Last night, you were almost encouraging me to go after Rick... "_

" _Still am. Why are you asking? I thought you loved Rick."_

 _"Oh, I do."_

 _"Are you having second thoughts now, Katie? I'm afraid I don't understand. I thought we talked about this last night.""_

" _Dad. I'd love to run full force at him, but I can't. When mom died something inside of me changed. I don't know if I'm capable of having the type of relationship I want until I solve mom's murder. I'm too broken. He's too good for that and he deserves so much more than a fragmented, broken shard of me. I don't want to go for him until I can give him my entire being. "_

 _Jim took her hand in his. "Do you trust him, Katie?"_

 _"Of course, I do. I just want what's best for him, for us."_

"You are what's best for him and he's what's best for you. You love him, he loves you. Don't let your mom's death stand in the way of your happiness, honey. Your mom's death changed both of us, but that doesn't mean that we have to stop living. Your happiness is all she and I want. You said that it's complicated between the two of you, only it isn't. You both love and trust each other, everything else will work itself out. If you love Rick, then go for it. _Now, we better get these fish on if we want to have them for dinner."_

 _They worked in tandem preparing dinner and the clean up afterward._ _At 8:00 p.m. she kissed her dad goodnight and retired to her room and pack for the trip home in the morning._ _As much as she loved the cabin and spending time with her dad, it would be so good to be home. Home sounded like Heaven on Earth. The only way to find out if he still loved her was to talk to him face to face and she would do that once she got home._

 _TBC_

 _A/N I cannot apologize enough for the mix up on the order of the chapters and I'm working on straightening that up. I'll begin to re edit Chapter 3 either later today or tomorrow and will re post as soon as I'm done. I have began Chapter 5 and I'm really excited about writing it. Thank you all so much for your patience while I do this. So sorry. I tried to write over the italics and it just didn't work. Not sure what happened with this, either._


	2. Chapter 2 For The Love of Kate

Castle 2015 Summer Hiatus Ficathon entry. Set during and after Kate's retreat to her dad's cabin at the lake and prior to Season 4:01 "Rise"

Chapter 2 For The Love of Kate

Disclaimer: All rights belong to ABC and Castle creator Andrew Marlowe for creating all the characters and the inspiration they have inspired.

A/N: I am overwhelmed at all the responses to this story. For all who favored, followed, and took time to leave their comments I am so very thankful! I am so late with this and you have my sincere apologies. Due to the loss of a document I had to completely re write this chapter. Tomorrow is Friday and as soon as I get this published, I am immediately going to work on the next chapter and will post something (no matter the word count) on Monday to try and get on schedule. Thank you for your patience.

Today was the day she had both looked forward to and dreaded for the last three months. It was time to face Castle. She had made the decision after his words, "the same way you hide in these nowhere relationships with men you don't love. You could be happy, Kate. You deserve to be happy, but you're afraid." had haunted her dreams again last night, playing in her mind like a pre -recorded loop.

In essence, he had been right. She was guilty on all charges. While she was scared of relationships, the thought of losing him absolutely terrified her. She had woke this morning with the determination that she was through running and hiding. She was going to have to confront him sooner or later. May as well do it now.

Three months ago, as she lay bleeding out from a gunshot wound to the chest, he'd finally told her he loved her. She could still hear the pain and anguish in his voice, see the tears in his eyes, the sadness and grief written on his face. "Kate! No, no. No! Stay with me, Kate. Please, don't leave me. I love you, Kate. I love you."

She had an appointment with Dr. Novaks at 2:30, and hopefully it would be her last one and things would return back to normal, or as normal as possible. Then she would track Castle down.

Last nights edition of The Ledger had reported that he would be at the Strand on Broadway auto graphing his latest Nikki Heat novel, 'Heat Rises' from 10 a.m. until 6 p.m.

Her appointment with Dr. Novaks was at 2:30 so she should be through no layer than 3:30, if that long, giving her ample time to get to the Strand. With any luck Dr. Novaks would release her today and she could return to work a week from Monday.

* * *

She had hoped not to run into Josh since he and Dr. Novaks practiced at the same hospital, but that hope got shot to hell and back when she ran into him as she was entering Dr. Novaks office. Josh was coming out as she was entering.

Apparently, they had a consult maybe? They stood in the doorway blocking it, at a crossroads, glaring at each other.

"Kate? What are you doing here?" he asked in a cold voice.

Okay. She would be civil even if he couldn't.

"Josh. I'm here for my appointment with Dr. Novaks. I'm surprised you're here and not in some third world country saving the world. I thought you'd be long gone by now."

" Leaving for the Amazon next week, actually. I have no idea how long I'll be gone."

Yeah, well, hadn't that always been the case? A woman in his life would always be a second priority to him. Everything had always been about him and his wants and needs and had rarely included hers. The relationship had always been one sided and it was never her side. It wasn't that she was a selfish person because she was anything except that. It was just that she would like to have her feelings considered sometimes.

" Why? Is that a problem?", he asked smugly, his voice dripping ice and venom again.

"No, not a problem at all. Why would I have a problem with it? We broke up three months ago."

"Yeah. I remember. So where is that pitiful excuse of man, anyway?"

"Excuse me?", she asked, incredulous.

He laughed derisively. "C'mon, Kate. That wuss of a writer that's always stuck to you like glue. He's always hiding behind your skirt tails."

What a complete jackass and a hundred more colorful, unkind names came to mind.

With as much civility and a forced, fake smile, she replied, "You know, Josh, there's a side of me that you've never seen before and trust me, you don't want to see it! That's the side that would kick your ass all over this city and enjoy every second doing it if I ever hear of you referring to Castle like that again. He's ten times the man you could ever hope to be. "

"Really? Sounds to me like you're defending him, Kate."

"Richard Castle can hold his own and doesn't need defending. He's always had my back."

He had always been jealous of Castle, but she hadn't expected this. They'd had many argument over Castle, usually Josh's insane accusations of her cheating on him with Castle. Well, they had come close to it in LA, or she had come close. But neither men had a clue of how close.

"Really, Kate? I always knew that you were cheating on me with him."

Losing her patience for dealing with him, she said, "You know what Josh? I never cheated on you. That's not to say that the temptation wasn't there and you gave us plenty of opportunity, but I'm not a cheater. My only regret is that I was too blind to see you as you really are and break up with you and seize those opportunities when I had them. My biggest regret is that I was too blind to see what was right in front of me, or rather who was right in front of me because I had him in the palm of my hand, he was there all along."

She gave it a few moments for her implications to set in before she continued, "I really, really liked you, Josh, but you're not him. You can't hold a candle to him. He's done nothing wrong, so leave him out of this and kindly move out of my way."

He finally moved aside to let her enter the office and her eyes fell on Cindy, Dr. Novaks voluptuous, blonde, blue- eyed receptionist who happened to be trying to adjust her clothing.

So that's how it is. Not that she cared because she never had. It had taken her a while to realize that, but she couldn't help but wonder if he had always been such a womanizer. Oh well, she really didn't care and he was free to do whatever with whomever he pleased. She was just glad to be out of it.

"So if he always has your back, where is he?"

In spite of her earlier resolve to be civil, she had a change of heart and decided to mess with him a little.

"Oh, Castle is at a book signing today, but he's taking me somewhere romantic for dinner tonight. I have no idea where. He just said that I should dress formally. I have just the right dress to wear and I think that diamond and pearl necklace he bought me for no reason last week would go perfect as an accent, really set it off. He's just full of surprises and I love it! Well, I'll be sure and tell him you said hello when I see him later."

"I thought you hated surprises," Josh said.

"Now whatever made you think that, Josh? How would you know that? The only surprises you ever gave me were the times you'd tell me you were leaving. Oh, wait. There was that one time in bed when I actually felt something. It wasn't great, but you know, at least you put some effort into it and tried to consider my thoughts and feelings for once."

At that moment she wished she had taken a picture of his face because the expression he had almost demanded it. The color drained from his face and was replaced with a lovely shade of red. He was livid!

Okay. To insult his manhood and his lovemaking abilities or lack of was a low blow, and normally she might have let it go, but he deserved it after his insults about Castle.

Clearing her throat, Cindy said, "Detective Beckett. Dr. Novaks had an appointment after lunch, but he should be back anytime now."

"Thank you, Cindy." She extended her hand to Josh to shake.

Josh looked at her extended hand and then back to her face.

"In spite of everything, Josh, I wish you well. I hope you'll be very happy in the Amazon and you find what you're looking for."

Ignoring her hand, he replied, "Whatever, Kate! So, I'll see you later Cindy?"

"Of course, Josh. See you at 7:00? At my place?"

"See you then.", he answered.

"Good luck and have a nice life," Kate said.

Waving a dismissive hand over his shoulder at her, he left the office.

You smug son of a bitch! Don't let the door hit you in that pompous ass of yours on your way out. Good riddance!

After the door closed behind him, Cindy spoke up. "Detective Beckett, Josh and I are just…"

"You don't owe me any explanations or apologies, Cindy. What's between you and Josh isn't any of my business. Josh and I were over a long time before we broke up. He just didn't know it. I'm far better off now. But take a word of advice from someone who knows. Run! and don't look back."

* * *

She left Mount Sinai Roosevelt Hospital with Dr. Novak's approval to return to work, but she still had to have physical therapy a little longer.

She walked from the hospital to 10th Ave, down to 57th where she took public transit to 14th Street at Union Square. Strands was a short block and a half walk from there.

The closer she got, the more her gut clenched, her mouth became so dry that she could spit cotton balls and she felt a headache beginning to come on.

As she crossed 14th Street, she still had no idea what to say to him. She expected him to be hurt and angry and maybe she deserved that. Hopefully, he would give her the chance to explain and would try to understand.

After she crossed 14th, she headed into Whole Foods for a bottle of water and some Tylenol.

Back on the street, she uncapped the water bottle and took several healthy sips of the icy cold water before opening the Tylenol and popping two of the pills.

From her vantage point on the sidewalk, she could see The Strand and the long line outside. Maybe two Tylenol wouldn't be enough after all. She shook two more from the bottle and popped them.

Strand Bookstore was the oldest bookstore and the largest in the city. Boasting of eighteen miles of books and having been there throughout her childhood, it had always been her favorite store.

The Strand was independently owned and operated since the beginning. Hosting events, the wide array of books from vintage to present day, you could find books on every topic you could imagine. The Strand was renowned and very popular with tourists and New Yorkers alike. It was busy on any given day. And it looked like today was no exception.

The line was still quite long, fans waiting to get their copies of 'Heat Rises' signed by their favorite author extended to the door.

When she finally made it inside, she caught a glimpse of him with his head bowed, only briefly looking up to greet the next in line with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Her stomach clenched again.

She milled around other customers until she found a table containing stacks of 'Heat Rises' and she snatched one up and headed toward the cashier. By the time she paid for her purchase and got in line, there was only about twenty people ahead of her.

Without losing her place in line, she'd lean out around other fans to get a glimpse of him every now and then. When there were only five people in front of her, she leaned out again to peer at him.

She was astounded at what she saw and guilt washed over her in waves. There were lines of worry and fatigue etched on his face that had not been there before she left. Was this what her leaving had caused him?

Rick's words as he knelt beside her as she lay bleeding out reverberated through her mind once again. "Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, okay? I love you, Kate. I love you." Those words had been her saving grace during these long months and had encouraged her to push through when the pain had been so intense that she just wanted to give up. But she hadn't stayed, she had run to the cabin to recuperate without so much as a phone call.

He never looked up as she stood in front of him.

"Who do I make this out to?"

"Kate. You can make it out to Kate." she said as she handed him her copy.

At the sound of her voice, his head snapped up. He laid her book on the table and leaned away from her to regard her. Frowning, he glowered at her.

She had expected to see hurt, anger, and confusion on his face, but not cold contempt and revulsion.

After a moment's hesitation, he picked up her book and wrote something inside and without a word, slammed the book closed and handed it back to her, beckoning the person behind her forward, dismissing her. Fighting back tears, she turned and walked away from him.

Out on the sidewalk she opened the book to see what he had written. : To Kate. Richard Castle. That was it. No sweet words or sentiments. Just her name and his signature.

Checking her dad's watch, she saw that it was now 5:00. The boys would be going home about now. In fact, in five, four, three, two, one. Bingo! They had probably just hit the elevator. Ryan would be going home to Jenny, Espo would be catching up to Lanie and they would probably go to her place. And she and Castle were at a crossroads, at a dead end.

Nervously, she paced up and down the sidewalk, the guilt and remorse eating away at her like a cancer. Her leaving had done this to him? She had broken her promise to call him and that must have hurt and disappointed him. It had never been her intention. Now there was a huge rift between them and it was all her fault. She had to make this right somehow. But how if he wouldn't even talk to her and given the indications, the odds were not in her favor.

Leaning against the facade of the building, she raked a hand nervously through her hair, her thoughts running amok in her brain. Flinging herself in his arms and begging for forgiveness seemed desperate and over dramatic, which at this moment was exactly how she felt. No. That wasn't an option. Being open to dumb ideas was his forte, not hers. But on second thought what other option did she have since dumb ideas was all she could think of? It had been a dumb idea that led to their first kiss nearly eight months ago. Turned out to be not such a dumb idea after all. She couldn't just let him walk out of her life now. Especially not now. Her mind went back to all the missed opportunities and lost time they'd had.

In her peripheral vision, she saw him come out of the building and heard him thanking people for coming by, saw his brief hesitation before walking toward her. Her heart rate increased and she inhaled deeply. Okay. She wasn't ready, had no plan in place, and still had no idea what to say to him, but she had to get him to hear her out.

Ignoring her, he brushed right past her without a word.

"Castle, wait!"

"I did. Three months. You never called."

"Look, I know you're angry…"

"You're damn right I'm angry! I watched you die in that ambulance! Did you know that? You know what that's like, watching the life drain out of someone you… care about?"

"I told you I needed some time."

"You said a few days."

"I needed more."

"Well, you should have said that."

"Castle, I couldn't call you, okay? Not without dragging myself through everything I was trying to get some space from. I needed some space just to work through everything."

"Josh help you with that?"

"We broke up."

"It's not enough. It's still thin, Kate." he said, turning to continue walking down Broadway towards the park.

"Castle, please, don't walk away from me!" she cried, following after him.

"Me, walk away? No. That would be you, not me, Kate. You seem to be expert at it."

Wow! Okay, maybe she did deserve that, but coming from him, it hurt like hell. She shuddered at the insult.

People on the sidewalk were beginning to stare. Were they really doing this on a public sidewalk with complete strangers listening in?

They were now standing at the corner of Broadway and 14th Street across from Union Square Park waiting for the signal to cross.

"Okay. Explain away, Kate. I'm listening."

"Look, I know I broke my promise to you…"

"Shouldn't break your promises to him, lady." said a biker dude also waiting for the cross signal.

Surprised, both looked at the stranger.

"Shut Up!" they both said at the same time.

"I know that you're hurt and I should have called you, but that doesn't give you the right to keep beating me up over it."

" You hit her? What kind of man are you? Didn't your mama teach you to never hit a lady?" burly biker dude asked, swiveling his head to glare at Castle.

"I never touched her!" Rick exclaimed.

"He never touched me." they replied in perfect synchronization.

Fortunately, they got the signal to walk and crossed over into Union Square Park and biker dude continued on his way.

Rick halted their walk and turned to her. "You were saying?"

Frustrated beyond belief, she collared him by the neck of his shirt and pulled him into her personal space, catching him off guard. With her face mere inches from his, she replied, "Oh, no! I refuse to discuss this anymore in public settings. If you care about hearing what I have to say, we can do it some place private, like my apartment."

He opened his mouth to protest, but she delivered a brash, crushing kiss instead. Not exactly the way she had planned on this going, but then she hadn't had a plan. Sometimes even dumb ideas could be effective. This one had.

"Now. I'll be at home the rest of the evening if you'd like to stop by later after you've cooled down some. Oh, and Castle, close your mouth. You look like you're catching flies," she said as she released him and sauntered away to catch the train home.

* * *

She entered her apartment, turned on the t v for distraction and headed to the bedroom to exchange her boots for warm, fuzzy, house shoes and returned to the living room.

Realizing that she hadn't eaten all day, she picked up her phone and called Pizza Hut to have a large Pepperoni pizza delivered.

She really wasn't hungry, but knew she should at least try to eat something. A large pizza was too much for one person, but living alone, and working long hours she rarely had time to cook and it seemed pointless to cook for just herself. So when she ordered take out, she normally ordered in excess for left overs.

Picking up the remote to the t v, she channel surfed. Finding nothing of interest, she settled on the Travel Channel. Oh, great! They were doing segments on romantic getaways. Just what I need to be watching when I have quite possibly lost the man of my dreams.

Cue up the violins! She was in the mood for a pity party, so the Travel Channel was going to be the t v viewing of choice tonight.

Her dad called to check on her. She turned the volume on the t v down to zero. "Hey dad. How has your day been?" After a brief conversation on how their days had gone, Jim thanked her for giving him her mother's copy of 'In A Hail of Bullets' , the book that had gotten her through some of the darkest hours after her mom's death.

After discovering that he was reading Rick's Nikki Heat books, she had given him the copy of 'In A Hail of Bullets', not realizing that he and her mom were reading it together the summer she was fifteen.

"So, have you started reading it, yet?"

"I just started it last night. You know, it's funny how just holding it in my hands makes me feel closer to her, somehow. You should have seen how excited she was when she got this. Thank you, sweetheart."

"You're welcome, dad. I just hope it does for you what it did for me."

"You mentioned that you saw Rick today. How did that go?"

"Not well. He's so hurt and angry. I thought I could handle that, dad, but I don't know if I can."

"You can. I have complete faith in you, Katie. Sure, he may be hurt and angry now, but he loves you. Just give it time. You'll figure it out."

"I hope so, dad." The buzzer sounded. "Look, dad, my food delivery has arrived, so I gotta go. Love you."

"Goodnight, sweetheart. Love you, too. Talk tomorrow."

After she paid for the pizza, she discovered that she really wasn't hungry, so she put the pizza box on the dining room table and sat on the couch while romantic getaways droned on in the background.

Checking her dad's watch she saw that it was now 8:00 pm. It had been two hours since she had kissed him in the park. Kissing him in the park had been pretty ballsy, but it had shut him up. She smiled at the memory of the expression on his face. She was pretty sure the shock and awe tactic had him thinking about the situation, but would he come to talk? She didn't know, but she hoped so.

She was awakened at 11:00 pm. by a series of knocks on her door. With the sleep induced fog surrounding her brain, she staggered to the door and checked the peephole in the door. Rick stood on the other side of the door holding a bouquet of flowers.

Swiping the vestiges of sleep from her face and running her hand through her hair, she opened the door.

"Hey, Castle. I was hoping you'd come. Come in."

"You were sleeping. I shouldn't have come.", he said uncertainly.

"Nonsense! I was watching t v and took a catnap. No big deal. Come on in.", she said, standing aside and gesturing him inside.

He hesitantly stepped over the thresh hold and as if he had forgotten about them he suddenly offered the flowers to her.

"I was an ass in the park earlier. I just thought…"

Accepting the flowers, she inhaled their fragrance deeply. "That's really sweet, Castle. Thank you! Yes, you were being an ass, but I understand why."

She headed into the kitchen to get a vase for the flowers with Castle trailing behind her.

"Do you? Do you have any idea?", he asked as she filled the vase with water and began arranging the flowers.

When she didn't answer immediately, he shook his head and turned away from her. "Your non answer speaks louder than words, Kate. I don't even know why I came here."

"No, you're right. You deserve some answers and I have some for you.", she said picking up the flowers and headed back to the living room to set the vase on the coffee table.

She sat on the couch and waited for him to sit beside her. When he remained standing, she grasped his hand and pulled him down beside her.

"I can't do this with you looming over me. I can only imagine what you went through, but you're acting like you're the only one affected by this. You think it is a picnic for me?"

"No, of course not! I didn't mean to imply that it was. You were the one impacted the most by this."

"I'm sorry, Castle. I didn't mean to go on the defensive. I'm sorry I broke my promise to call you. I know that you're hurt and confused. Would it help if I told you that I really wanted to call you and came so close to it so many times?"

"But you didn't! Why didn't you?"

"When I was released from the hospital, I went with my dad to his cabin on the lake to recuperate. I was such a mess, Castle. I was on some very powerful meds, both for pain and for my heart. Those drugs kept me knocked out and when I wasn't knocked out, I was often throwing them back up because nausea was a side effect. It wasn't a pretty sight, Castle."

"I'm sure it wasn't, but I still wish I could have been there."

Taking his hand, she gently squeezed his fingers. At least he wasn't pulling away from her.

"You were there and you helped in more ways than you know. You just didn't know it."

"Excuse me? I missed the part where I was there. Am I hallucinating or were you?"

She couldn't stop the laugh that built inside her and bubbled forth. God, how long had it been since she had laughed. It felt so good to be able to laugh again. And to laugh with him was priceless.

"Neither one of us is or were hallucinating. I just meant that when I had to start walking around and moving around to get my strength back, it was your face that I saw, your voice that I heard in my head, encouraging me to push through the pain and go beyond my limitations so I could get back here."

"So you at least thought about me while you were away?"

"Only all the time. Every second of every minute of every day."

"Well, if you thought about me during this process and you wanted to call, why didn't you? I'd have moved Heaven and Earth to get to you, Kate."

"That's just it, Rick. I know you would have. There is no one else I'd rather have had by my side other than you, but I was an emotional train wreck, also and I didn't want anyone to see me like that, especially you."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I'm being totally honest with you. So don't be angry, anymore, okay?"

"I'm not as mad as I was, but I still have questions."

"Okay, let's hear them."

"How long have you been back?"

"Just a few days. Since I got home it seems like I've had one doctor's appointment after another, but those should be behind me for the most part."

"For the most part?"

"Yeah. I saw Dr. Novaks today and he released me to return to work a week from Monday. The Department will require me to have a psych eval and that's pretty standard for officers that get shot on the job, but that shouldn't be a problem. Other than that, I still have to have physical therapy for a few months until I get 100 per cent."

"So you're okay other than that?"

"Yeah. Next question."

"Not a question. We'll get to those later. Right now, I seem to remember that I've been walking around Union Square Park thinking about a certain N.Y.P. D. homicide detective for the last five and a half hours after she kissed me and then left me standing there all alone. You do know that I'll have to pay you back for that?", he asked, waggling his eyebrows at her, making her laugh.

Oh God, it was so good to be home and have Rick here doing his best to tease her and make her world brighter. They weren't where she hoped they might be, but it was a start.

She giggled at his antics as he puckered up and made fish face kisses at her, gently teasing her.

"Oh, so you want to pay me back for that? And that's the best you have to offer? Really?" she laughed.

Expecting a sloppy, wet, fish face kiss to her cheek, they leaned toward each other, but neither of them turned away. Their lips just barely grazed each other. As tentative and as brief as it was, there was nothing awkward or uncomfortable about it.

Surprised, they both pulled back slightly. His arm was around her shoulders, her hand was on his knee and their faces merely an inch apart.

"I'm not going to apologize for that," he said, softly.

"I'm not asking for one."

He made a show of looking around her apartment.

"What?" she asked.

"There's not going to be a scalpel wielding mad cardiologist that wants to cut my black heart out going to come crawling out of the woodwork is there?"

Laughing, she answered, "No. No scalpel wielding mad cardiologist here. He's been gone for three months. Never to return again."

"Good.", he said, tightening his arm around her waist and hauling her into his lap. "We still have a lot to work out, but right now, I just want to kiss you senseless. We can talk more tomorrow."

"Castle?"

"What?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

T B C

A/N This is not the chapter I originally wrote but with that chapter getting lost had to re write. I'm not really happy with this one, but it's just okay. This is Saturday so it will be my entry for Monday and hopefully get me back on schedule. This is kinda rough and I apologize now for the grammatical errors. Thank you for your patience.


	3. Chapter 3 For The Love of Kate

For The Love of Kate Chapter 3 Re- edited

A/U: Pre 4:01 "Rise" Entry for Castle 2015 Summer Hiatus Ficathon.

Premise: Now that Kate has returned from her recuperation at her dad's cabin, Kate tries to put the past behind her and restore her relationship with Rick, but is she really ready to take their relationship to the next level? Is he as ready as he thinks he is?

A/N: I am once again overwhelmed by your responses to this story. You guys are the BEST! Thank- you all for your advice and helping me become a better writer. Heart felt thanks from the bottom of my heart for those who have taken the time to read, follow, favorite and leave your comments.

Kate exhaled heavily in exasperation as she surveyed the wardrobe she had assembled on her bed. She considered a blue dress on a hanger. Nope! Definitely not. Too dressy. She added it to the discard pile of no's.

Why was she having such a difficult time with this? It wasn't a date. It was a casual night in with Castle, not some romantic dinner. But, it was with Castle and that made it special.

Spying a royal blue top with a matching lace overlay that she had bought last fall simply because she liked it, she picked it up and held it against her. She had seen this in Bloomingdale's window and had fallen in love with it.

Slipping her tee-shirt off over her head, she slipped the top on. Surprisingly, the lace wasn't scratchy at all. The squared neckline was modestly cut without being too revealing, hugging the rest of her body clinging to all the right curves.

The top seemed a little over the top for an evening in, but if she wore her skinny jeans maybe it wouldn't seem overdressed.

Having decided on the top and a pair of skinny jeans, she changed back and went into the kitchen to check on the marinara sauce for the linguine.

It had been 2:00 this morning when Rick left and they still had no resolution. After a brief explanation of why she hadn't called him during her time at the cabin, they had kissed a couple of times, but then to break the tension between them, they reheated the pizza and then talked of mundane things instead of addressing their issues. He had grown a little more withdrawn.

As she had walked him to the door, she had invited him over for dinner. He had agreed reluctantly offering to bring take-out, but she'd told him not to bother that she wanted to cook it herself. What had changed between them so suddenly?

At his knock, promptly at 7:00, she cast one more glance at the dining room table to make sure that it was perfectly set and checked the peephole and glanced down at her clothing.

Damn it! The top she had chosen was way too dressy. She had been afraid of that. Oh well, too late to change it now. Rick was standing on the other side of the door wearing jeans and his dark blue button down shirt. Shit! They couldn't be more perfectly matched if they had called to consult each other, which they hadn't.

How in the hell was it that they often had the same thoughts, finished each other's sentences, and now they were dressing alike. Had they always done this and she was just now noticing it? She didn't believe in fates and coincidences, and yet…?

"Hey, Castle. Right on time. Come in."

She felt a sense of uncertainty and doubt about him. Okay. He was obviously still concerned in spite of her explanation last night, but why? Granted, they hadn't done

a lot in the way of talking their issues out, but she thought that they had been in a good place to start tonight.

Maybe not.

He gave her a tight lipped smile and for a brief moment there was a light in his eyes that had not been there an instant before.

He presented a bottle of wine to her. "I thought I'd bring this."

She took the bottle and looking at the label saw that it was a very expensive bottle of red wine. Eighty bucks per bottle expensive.

"You look beautiful, Kate."

"Thank-you! I was going through my closet this afternoon and found this. I bought it last year and have never worn it…"

"Should I go home and change?"

"No. This was an impulsive wrong choice on my end."

"Not a wrong choice. You look lovely."

She moved aside to let him in and he took a hesitant step inside. Closing the door behind him, she stepped around to look at his face. "Okay, let's hear it. You're obviously still upset and I want to know why," she said.

He stepped into the living room and removed his Moleskine backpack and put it on the occasional chair.. That was odd. Normally, she would have noticed that he had brought it, but she hadn't. She assumed that it was because she was so used to him having it that it went unnoticed. But why had he even brought it?

"Okay. Fine. Yes, I'm still a bit upset. I get that you needed some time to recuperate after everything you went through. Hell, I even understand why you needed the time alone and why you didn't call any of us, Kate. That doesn't mean that I wish I could have been there, anyway."

"I apologized for that last night. I don't know what you want me to say or do here, Rick. I told you that I was an emotional train wreck and I didn't want anyone to see me like that. Maybe that was selfish and vain, I don't know. I did what I thought was best for me at the time. I was trying so hard to get better so I could get back here. If I had a time machine I'd go back and change the fact that I didn't at least call you and let you know that I needed some more space. Hell, I'd change the last three months to where Montgomery hadn't been killed and I wouldn't have got shot. But I don't have a time machine since they don't exist. There wasn't anything you could have done."

"I know and I forgive you. I'm just disappointed. I want to share all your joys and your sorrows, not just when things are good. I'm not doubting your decisions. I just wish I had been there."

"Can we just move on now?" she asked, closing the distance to stand near him.

"Yes. In fact, I brought you a gift." he said, opening his backpack.

"You brought me a gift? Rick, that's so sweet, but you didn't have to…"

"Yes, I did." he said, cutting her off.

He pulled another copy of 'Heat Rises' from his backpack and presented it to her.

Smiling coyly at him, she said, "'Heat Rises'? I don't get it. I got my copy yesterday."

"But not _this_ copy." he said, putting emphasis on the word this. "Open it."

Opening the book, she saw his inscription: To Kate, whose smile lights up the darkest corners of my soul and my heart soars. Richard Castle.

"This is to replace the one from yesterday."

"Oh, Rick, I love this. Thank-you!" she said, placing the book and bottle of wine on the coffee table, wrapping her arms around his neck, leaning in to kiss his cheek.

What had started as a simple thank-you kiss to his cheek, suddenly turned into something more.

Her breath caught in her throat as his hands settled on her hips and he pulled her snug against him as he lowered his head and kissed her deeply.

The velvety softness of his lips pressed against hers, the silky feel of his tongue as it stroked and caressed the inside of her mouth combined with the scents of his cologne and the minty, sweet taste of him had an intoxicating effect.

Heat formed in the pit of her stomach and radiated throughout her body turning her insides to liquid and caused her body to tremble and her knees went weak. This, this, and so much more! she thought as she opened herself to receive his kisses and return them with fervor. Moaning, she gave herself into the delicious feelings of love, passion and desire.

He moaned into her mouth as she tightened her arms around his neck, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, as she thrust her tongue into his mouth, exploring and seeking more.

They broke the kiss in desperate need of air, their breathing heavy and ragged. The only discernible sounds in the room was their ragged, uneven breathing and racing heart beats, and the muted white noise of traffic on the street below.

"God, I missed you so much, Kate." he said, his voice cracking with emotion.

"I missed you, too. Everyday."

"I was so worried! I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

"I'm so sorry that I worried you. If I could go back and change it, I would. I should have called you and explained that I needed some time to figure this all out."

"I don't want to fight anymore, Kate."

"Neither do I, so let's not. We have a lot to talk through, which we'll do after dinner."

"Yeah, we do." Breaking the tension, he inhaled the scents wafting through her apartment. "Is that fresh bread, garlic and Cajun seasoning I smell?"

Leaning away from the wall of his chest, she looked at him and saw that impish grin that she loved so much. She smiled up at him and dusted a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"Yes, it is if you count using a mix for dough and a bread machine that was a house warming gift from Steigner. I wanted to do it the old-fashioned way, but ran out of time. We're having Linguine Pasta with Shrimp and Tomatoes. I hope you like shrimp."

" I love shrimp. You make homemade bread from scratch?"

"Well, not very often. It's normally something I do for holidays like Thanksgiving. I made some for the precinct a couple of years ago when everyone decided that we needed to have a dinner after Thanksgiving to get rid of their leftovers to keep from having to eat leftovers for the next month."

"I didn't know that you could cook, much less make homemade bread. And you like Sinatra?" he asked, inclining his head toward the small stereo system on the bookshelf in the living room.

A faint blush crept into her cheeks as she nervously bit on her bottom lip and she lowered her head slightly in embarrassment.

"Well, my mom and dad loved his music and I grew up watching them dance to Sinatra's music. Sometimes, when I was very young, I'd stand on my dad's feet and he'd lead me and twirl me around the living room. I don't know, I guess I just developed an appreciation for it then and I've always loved Sinatra. Cooking is a quality my mom instilled in me from an early age. By the time I was six she allowed me to help her in the kitchen, even if it was just dropping cookie dough onto cookie sheets, or stirring cake batter."

He smiled. "Thank-you for telling me. I'm glad to know these things about you. I can just see little Katie Beckett helping her mom in the kitchen. I'll bet that you were adorable. So what happened next?"

"Well, that year I got an Easy Bake Oven for Christmas with a child's version of a cookbook. We'd play with that thing for hours on end. It became my favorite toy until the age of ten when I started learning in earnest. I love to cook, I just usually don't have the time and cooking for one seems so pointless."

"Well, if the aromas coming from your kitchen are any indicators of your cooking abilities, you can cook for me anytime."

Smiling up at him, she laced her fingers through his and tugged on his hand. "Come help me in the kitchen?"

Squeezing her fingers, he replied, "I'll be happy to. Lead the way."

Picking up the bottle of wine from the coffee table, she handed it to him. "You pour for us? I know we had pizza last night, but after the dietary restrictions I've been on for the last three months, Linguine sounded so good." she said, leading him by the hand to the kitchen.

She dug around in a kitchen drawer, producing a corkscrew to open the wine and handed it to him while grabbing a bread knife to slice the bread.

Her movements were so fluid and graceful. Seeing her so domesticated, was so unusual that he couldn't take his eyes off her. He watched as she placed the bread slices onto a cookie sheet and sprinkled shredded Mozzarella cheese on them and popped them into the oven to toast. His gaze traveled down to her well shaped ass as she bent to put the pan of bread into the oven.

Oh, he was so busted! When she raised back up, she had turned and caught him staring. "You were just staring at my ass, weren't you?" she asked, indignantly.

He tried to look innocent and astonished at the same time, but he wasn't fooling her.

"Wh- What? No!"

She gave him a pointed look. "Come on, you can admit it. Tell me the truth."

"Okay. Fine, I'll admit it, but…"

She chuckled and said, "See? You were being honest instead of speaking in subtext or generalities. That didn't hurt, did it?"

"No, but I thought it might." he admitted, thinking how the older version of Kate might have very well taken his head off and enjoyed every second of the process.

Instead of chastising him, she closed the distance of the few feet separating them in the tiny kitchen and looped her arms around his neck.

Amused, she brushed her lips against his and said, "It's okay. Besides, it's not like I haven't checked yours out over the years."

"You have? Katherine Beckett… I never…."

"Oh, come on! Yes, you have and you can't tell me that after nearly four years that you haven't noticed.", she laughed.

"Well… I might have noticed _something…"_

" _Then I think we're good."_

 _She moved away from him and took two shrimp cocktails from the fridge and handed them to him. "Would you mind setting these on the table for me?"_

" _Of course." he replied, nodding at her. He'd nearly bowled her over as he turned to go back into the kitchen as she was coming out with the plate of bread. He took the bread from her and placed it in between the place settings so both of them could easily reach it._

" _Please, sit at the head of the table and we can begin."_

 _He held her chair out for her and then took his own and poured the wine into their glasses._

" _So, when did you learn to cook, Rick?"_

" _Well, unfortunately my learning to cook memories are not as fond as yours. Mother worked all the time and worked a lot of varied hours. I was raised on a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, cold cereal, and anything easy that came from a can. My nannies, for the most part was out of work actresses, and drunks that were more interested in soap operas than they were in me."_

" _I'm so sorry, Rick."_

" _No, don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining and I love Mother. It took me growing up to realize that she did the best that she could at the time. I didn't even learn to boil water until I was twelve and then it was one of my nannies that taught me how to do that. It wasn't until Meredith left me and I had sole custody of Alexis that I started to learn to cook." he said, taking a bite of his shrimp cocktail._

" _That must have been hard." she said, spooning another bite of her cocktail, too._

" _I'd be lying if I said it was easy. Mother was married to her first husband, but between her career and her husband, she had very little time, but what time she had she stepped in to help. I'm very thankful to her for that."_

" _So, how did you manage to learn to cook between your writing, your book tours, and raising Alexis?"_

" _Trust me, it wasn't a pretty sight. I watched some cooking shows on the Food Network and learned a few tips and tricks. After watching a few shows and a lot of experimentation, I thought I knew enough to cook our Thanksgiving Dinner. Unmitigated Disaster doesn't even begin to describe it."_

" _Why? What happened?" she asked._

 _He considered changing the subject and avoiding the embarrassment, but it was Kate and being the detective she was, she'd see through any cover-up he could throw at her. She knew him, she knew his tells. No, he had to be honest with her._

" _Rick?" she prodded, placing her hand on his arm._

' _It's embarrassing."_

" _If you'd rather not talk about it, we can change the subject."_

 _No. He loved her. He wasn't sure where their relationship; if they even still had one, was going, but not communicating, and dancing around everything had nearly broken them. They had to be open, direct, and honest with each other if they were to move beyond friendship._

" _Have you ever seen those holiday sitcoms or holiday comedies where the turkey somehow explodes and you're laughing so hard at what you see on the screen?"_

" _Yeah. This isn't going to be some whacked out story that you made up to amuse me, is it?"_

" _Sadly, no. I decided that I was going to deep fry ours that year. I went out and bought a turkey deep fryer. I didn't thaw the bird out and put it in the fryer of hot oil and that's exactly what happened. The oil boiled over causing an oil slick on the kitchen floor, we had turkey bits everywhere. The floors, the carpet, the counters, nothing was left untouched. The fryer caught on fire, the smoke alarms went off, neighbors called the fire department because smoke was spilling out into the hallway. I managed to get the fire put out before the fire department arrived. The damage to the loft was so extensive that we had to move into The Four Seasons for three months while workers, painters, carpet people had to come and replace the carpet and I had to call my interior decorator in because even the draperies had to be replaced. And to top it all off, I got a hefty fine from the N.Y.F.D."_

 _Horrified as she envisioned this happening, she exclaimed. "Oh, My God! Was anyone hurt? This really happened?"_

" _No one was hurt, but I burned my eyebrows off trying to put the fire out. Took them years to grow back to normal." he said, waggling his eyebrows at her._

 _Kate could not hold back the laughter that threatened to overtake her at the images that came to mind. as she envisioned the scene and it erupted from her._

 _"You should have seen it, Kate. Everything was such a mess! I couldn't stay upright. My feet slid out from underneath me and I couldn't find purchase on the floor because of all the hot oil that had boiled over the fryer. Alexis grabbed the pole from the hall closet and extended it to me and she and Mother dragged me to the carpet."_

 _By this time he was laughing along with her and she was laughing so hard that tears streamed down her face and her sides ached._

 _As their laughter trailed off, she wondered at how valid the story was. He was a writer with a vivid imagination, after all and he made stories up for a living. Could he have been trying to punk her? It wouldn't have been the first time and she'd gotten her fair share of punks in over the years._

 _There was a moment of silence between them and as if reading her mind, he reached across the table and brought his hand up to cup her jaw in his hand._

 _"As embarrassing as it is to tell that story, I'd gladly go through it again just to hear you laugh like that and see your smile." he said._

 _So it was true then. Otherwise, why would he be so embarrassed to tell her about it, but she understood why he had been embarrassed. She silently chastised herself for doubting the validity of his story. She gazed into his eyes and saw only raw truth and honesty in the depth of his cerulean blue eyes. Eyes that she could lose herself in._

 _A blush crept up her neck and warmed her cheeks._

 _The warmth of his hand against her cheek sent electrical shocks through out her body. She brought her hand up to cover his hand at her cheek. As her hand covered his, he leaned forward and brushed a soft, lingering kiss to her lips, a whisper of a kiss that left her longing for so much more._

 _This could so easily spiral into a game changer that she wasn't sure that either of them were ready for. He obviously still had some concerns that they needed to address and as much as she thought that she was ready for the next level, she also feared it. No matter how much she wanted it, no matter how much she wanted him. And she wanted a 'them' very badly._

" _Well, at least, no one was hurt. It could have been so much worse! We've all had our share of kitchen disasters." Kate said, trying to steer her thoughts onto a much safer trek._

 _Setting his fork to the side of his plate, he placed his elbow on the table and rested his chin in his palm. "Okay. I'll bet mine was worse than any of yours. Tell me about yours."_

 _A faint blush crept up her neck and blossomed in her cheeks. "You want to hear about my kitchen disasters? No."_

" _C'mon, Kate. I told you mine."_

 _He had a point. It was a good thing they hadn't actually bet on this because she would have lost._

" _I accidentally set a kitchen towel on fire once trying to grab a pan from a burner. Luckily, I managed to get it to the kitchen sink and get water on it before I burned myself or burned the house down.""_

" _Really? That's it? That's all you've got? I told you that you couldn't top mine." he said._

" _Yeah, I think you get the record on that one." she replied, laughing. "But, don't let that get to you. Even the most famous chefs have had kitchen disasters of some kind and I know that you're a great cook. You cooked Pasta Carbonara for me when I stayed at your place after my apartment blew up."_

 _"You liked my Pasta Carbonara?"_

 _"I love your Pasta Carbonara." she answered, emphasis on the word love._

"Well, that's good to know and now that I do know that, I'll make it again for you sometime _."_

 _"I'd love that."_

* * *

 _After dinner they had worked in tandem in cleaning up, but Rick had grown pensive and quiet during the clean up. So they took the wine into the living room and settled on the couch and slightly turned to face each other._

 _She clasped his hand in both of hers. "Okay. I'm ready to answer any questions you may have." It was a conversation that may be uncomfortable, but necessary if they were to move forward and she wasn't so sure where they stood after she had left and hadn't called anyone. She owed him an explanation._

 _"_ Okay. _Why? I get why you didn't call me, but you didn't call Lanie or either of the boys. Why did you shut us all out, Kate? None of us knew where you were, how you were doing."_

" _Rick, you know me, sometimes better than I know myself, so you should know how much I value my privacy. There are things I don't even share with Lanie and it has nothing to do with lack of trust. I just needed some space."_

" _Space? From people who love you and would do anything to help you?"_

" _Look, I know this seems weird for you and I can't explain it any better than that. It's just who I am. There was nothing any of you could have done. I just had to put in the work."_

 _He laughed derisively, "No, I don't suppose there was. We could have given you emotional support, Kate. So when and why did you and Josh break up?"_

" _I don't know why this is so important to you, but I broke up with him about a week after you came to visit me in the hospital. He was a nice guy and I really, really liked him, but that wasn't enough. Do you remember what you said during our last fight?" she asked._

 _Not sure exactly where she was going with this, Rick shrugged._

"I said a lot of things, Kate. _Why?"_

"We _both said a lot of things and hurtful things to each other that night. I'm not asking you to change your opinions or asking for apologies here. I'm trying to make a point. You accused me of being in no where relationships with men I didn't love and you weren't wrong. You said that we never talked about certain events. That's fair. We never did, but I want to talk about them now."_

 _He waited as she tried to formulate her thoughts._

" _Eight months ago, we kissed in an alley," she said, as she lowered her head and blinked rapidly, her brow furrowing slightly as she nervously bit her bottom lip._

 _After a few moments, she looked at him and smiled. Taking a calming breath, she continued, "I've never been kissed like… I've never felt like that before. I'm no cheater and I couldn't stay in a relationship when I have such strong feelings for someone else. Josh was a rebound choice at first, Rick. Over time, I discovered that I really liked him, but that wasn't enough. He wasn't you."_

 _There was a heavy silence as the words sank in._

 _"So, you lead Josh on?"_

 _"What? No! I never intended to do that! When you asked me to go to the Hamptons with you, I was with Tom, but I realized that he wasn't who I was looking for, so I broke up with him to go with you. I pulled you out of that party to tell you, but then Gina walked in and you went away with her."_

 _"You were my first choice, Kate."_

 _"I know. I spent all summer so hurt and yes, I was extremely jealous over Gina. Everybody at the precinct tried to keep my spirits up. One night, Lanie and I went out to The Magic Bottle for our regular Girl's night out. Josh was there and he kept flirting with me even though I was ignoring him. He finally joined us at our table and bought us a couple of rounds. We talked. He seemed like a nice guy. After a few rounds, I got buzzed. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. He asked me out on a date the next night."_

 _Rick nodded. "So you went out with him."_

 _"Yes, I did, but not as soon as you think. He was persistent and kept calling, but I'd turn him down, giving him the excuse of work. After you came back with Gina still in tow and no signs of a break up, I thought that you were moving on with your life and I should do the same. I called him one evening after work and said I'd pick him up. He got off work early and surprised me by showing up. The night you all met him was our first date."_

 _A heavy silence fell between them. She scrutinized him, trying to get a handle on what he was thinking, what he was feeling, but he was unreadable, still somewhat closed off._

 _"It wasn't long after we got together that things between us became stale, predictable. It seemed like we were apart more than we were together and then his Doctors Without Borders missions intervened. Absence does not always make the heart grow fonder. We began to argue about his missions a lot and what little spark there was between us began to fizzle. Sex between us became perfunctory, lacking care and just routine."_

 _"So, why did you stay with him if you weren't that invested?"_

 _Shrugging, she said, "Because I was afraid."_

 _"Afraid? Afraid of what? You're the bravest person I know, Kate."_

 _"No, I'm not. I think the only reason I stayed is because I was afraid that I was incapable of having a healthy, successful relationship. I was afraid that there was something missing inside me, but then you kissed me in that alley and it awakened something deep and primal inside me and I knew then that there was nothing wrong in me, but it brought back all the intense feelings that I have for you-that I've always had for you and that intensity scared me even more."_

 _"I'd never hurt you, Kate. I'd do anything for you. I love you, Kate."_

 _There were those words again. The words he'd spoken as he held her in his arms a she lay bleeding out in the grass of a cemetery. She'd wondered if he actually meant them at the time or if he'd just said them in the heat of the moment._

 _Kate inhaled sharply. She wanted to tell him, honestly, she did. She opened her mouth to tell him, but her mouth went dry and her breath caught in her throat and she floundered._

 _It took Kate a few moments to swallow past the lump in her throat and gain her composure back._

 _"I know. But then I was afraid that you didn't feel the same way about me."_

" _And so, you still ran."_

" _Yes, I did… but I don't want to run anymore. A lot had happened. I just needed some space from all of that. I needed to get my thoughts together."_

"So are you saying what I think you are? _?" he asked, incredulously._

" _I think so." she replied._

" _So, where do we go from here?" he asked, reaching up to cup her face in his palm._

" _Hopefully, we get past this and move forward. I'd like to give us a chance, Rick."_

 _" I'd like that, too. Do you think that we can do that? Just move forward? I don't want to screw this up and I'm petrified that somehow I will."_

" _I don't know, but I think we owe it to each other and ourselves to try. I may seem healthy, but it would only be fair to warn you that I'm scared as hell, too._ _I have nightmares that swallow me whole sometimes in fact, sometimes several in one night. I'm still such a mess in so many ways, Rick. Maybe it's unfair, maybe I'm trying to rush things and shouldn't have come to you yesterday…"_

" _No, no. I'm glad you came to me and we'll get past this. We'll figure this out, one step at a time. I'm still trying to absorb it all and this is a good place to start. So tell me about the nightmares."_

" _They're so bad. They are so real like that even afterwards I have a hard time distinguishing what's nightmare and what's reality. I wake sobbing, sweating profusely, trembling so badly that my whole body trembles and I can hardly breathe."_

 _"So, what are they about?"_

 _"Please, Rick. Can we not talk about them right now?"_

 _"Kate, what concerns you concerns me."_

 _"I know it does. I'm not trying to keep them secret, I just don't want to talk about it right now. I will tell you about them, just not right now."_

 _"Okay. We'll shelve it for now on the condition that you call me when you have another one."_

 _"Even if it's 3:00 in the morning?"_

 _"No matter what time it is, Kate."_

 _"Okay. I'm not sure what you can do, but okay."_

" _So how do you calm yourself down after that?"_

" _Sometimes, I can't calm down, but usually I try a deep breathing exercise that helps and try to focus on the positive things in my life. Even though, you weren't there , you have no idea of how instrumental you are in that area. Thoughts of you and your encouraging words and focusing on getting back here to you were and are the only things that kept me going."_

 _"Really?"_

 _"Yes, really."_

 _"So, do we have a deal?" he asked._

 _After a moment of consideration, she nodded slowly and replied, "Okay. We have a deal. I don't think you realize what you're agreeing to, but I will call you the next time."_

" _Good. Now, t_ _here's still something I want to ask, though."_

" _Okay. What is it?"_

" _Last year when I came back from the Hamptons, everyone treated me differently like they were mad at me. I didn't understand what I had done for everyone to be so mad at me and you acted so jealous. But why would you be so jealous if you were with Deming?"_

 _Kate sighed heavily. "You're right. I was extremely jealous._ _I broke up with Deming because I realized that I had strong feelings for you. I had second thoughts about going with you and I was going to go with you, but I had to break up with Tom first. I called you out of your party to tell you that, but then Gina showed up. And that is probably why everyone acted differently and was so pissed at you._

 _"Oh. Oh, no."_

 _"Yes. I spent all summer waiting and hoping that you would call, but you never did. I was so hurt."_

 _"You were my first choice, Kate."_

" _I know. It was all one big misunderstanding. I really liked Tom, but my feelings for you were so much stronger."_

 _There was another lull in the conversation before Rick said, "Okay. I understand why everyone was so mad at me, but then you were going with Josh when I came back."_

 _"No. I wasn't with anyone when you got back. I didn't start going with Josh until three weeks after your return and you were still with Gina. One night after you left,_ _Lanie took me out to The Magic Bottle and that's where I met Josh. He started flirting with me and then he came to our table and introduced himself and bought us a couple of drinks and kept flirting. I kept drinking hoping to dull the pain of missing you. He asked for my phone number. I didn't think you'd come back, so I thought what the hell. You had obviously moved on, so why the hell not? So, I gave it to him. He tried to get me to go out with him the next night, but I said that I was busy._ _He was persistent, but I always made excuses and questioned my sanity at giving him my number in the first place."_

" _But you relented and went out with him, anyway."_

"God, Castle! What did you expect me to do? Sit and wait while you were off living your life with Gina? Did you think my life shouldn't move on? I didn't think that you were coming back! And now that we're discussing this, is what I did any different from what you did back then?" Her voice had risen indignation.

He was silent for a few moments as he considered her words. "I don't know. Maybe it isn't that much different. What I do know- is that we've sure made a mess of things, haven't we?"

Slowly, she nodded. "I think we've both made things more complicated than they needed to be."

"So, you really think we can do this?"

"I don't know, but I'm willing to try if you are."

" _The only reason I asked Gina is because you were with Deming when I left."_

" _I know that now, but I didn't at the time."_

 _There was a heavy silence between them and Rick was rubbing her back in small circles, soothing her._

" _You know what I think?" he asked._

" _No. What?"_

" _That we have made one hell of a mess at this."_

" _I agree. These feelings that I have for you, I've had them for a really long time. We've wasted so much time, had so many missed opportunities…" she said, her voice trailing off._

" _I know, right? We can't go back and change the past anymore than we can start over, but if you'll forgive me for being so annoyingly obtuse, then maybe we can move forward, if you want.'_

" _What I want? Yes, I'd like that, but I'm not the only one to consider in this. What do you want? Do you think we can do this?"_

" _I'd like to try and yes, I think we can as long as we work together to figure out the obstacles. Oh, and Kate, welcome home", he said, kissing her deeply._

 _It was with great reluctance that she kissed him goodnight at her door at 1:30 the next morning and she had come so very close to asking him to stay. The temptation to do that had been overwhelming, almost impossible to ignore, but she had_ _managed to tamp that impulse down._

 _There would come a time for that later, but this was enough for now. It was a start, a new beginning that they'd never had before now. It was a step in the right direction and they had hope where hope had once waned and seemed elusive._

 _They had agreed that there would be no more speaking in sub-texts and generalities. They would communicate openly and honestly, telling each other precisely and plaintively what they wanted and meant. From here on in, they would move slowly, but progressively forward in their new found relationship and all was as it should be in this beginning stage._

 _In spite of the passion between them, nothing untoward or uncomfortable, or awkward had happened between them and as much as they both wanted to, nothing beyond sharing passionate, intoxicating kissing, the temptation to take things farther, neither one of them had acted on it and all was as it should be, for now._

 _Throwing the locks in place, turning the lights out as she moved through the apartment and checked the thermostat._

 _They had plans for tomorrow, to spend the entire day together. Rick was coming to take her to breakfast at 9:00, they would then drive 3 hours into Montauk to explore some of the picnic spots and have a picnic only to drive back to her apartment about 4:00, returning at 7:00 to have movie night._

 _Montauk, home to the largest commercial and recreational fishing fleet in New York State is largely a tourism destination. An odd place to go at this time of year, but with it now being mid- September, they would escape most of the tourists. And that would be a good thing._

 _Kate inhaled deeply. She smelled like him. As much as she felt like a giddy 14 year old teenager with her first case of puppy love, she couldn't bring herself to wash the musky scent of his cologne away._

 _Still feeling his lips against hers and the warmth of his embrace, it was a hopeful Kate that settled down in her bed to drift off into blissful sleep._

 _A/N I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas yesterday and I wish you all a very happy and joyous New Year. I apologize that this took so long, but this should put the chapters in the correct order. I also re-edited and made some changes to chapter 1. If you spot anything wrong, please let me know so I can try and fix whatever may be wrong. Again, I tried to write over the italics, but it didn't work. I've been thinking about chapter 5 and I'm not sure how to start, but once I get that down it will hopefully go smoother. I'm not sure how many more chapters there will be because this story has a mind of it's own, so there may only be 1-2 chapters left. We'll see. Anyway, thank you for reading and leave your comments. They really mean the world to me. No trolls allowed._

 _TBC_


	4. Chapter 4

For The Love of Kate Chapter 4

A/N: I know it's been awhile and I'm so sorry. As most of you know, I'm dealing with health issues and write when I'm able. Please, be patient with me and know that I love Castle and writing fan fiction brings me great joy.

For a while now, I've been thinking about where I wanted this story to go next and a couple of days ago I got this idea and it took root in my brain.

To Guest Reviewer Cha Cha, Thank you so much! You made my entire weekend when you read and reviewed every thing I've written. I hope you are still with us.

I take every review, comment, constructive criticism to heart, however, I've become aware of trolls hiding under the guise of anonymity. Let me make myself very clear. I fully respect my fellow authors and stand behind them and fully support them. If you are a troll, your comments will be deleted. You will eventually slip up and be caught.

I respect the show and everyone associated with it so please be respectful and keep your comments to the story and the way it is written. Constructive criticism is always welcome as it helps me become a better writer.

Many thanks to WRTRD who gave me information on the area and who also writes fantastic fan fiction. If you haven't checked out her stories, please do. You'll be glad you did. Okay. On to the story.

Montauk. She and Rick were spending the day in Montauk. She had once taken a field trip to Montauk in Junior High School to visit the state's oldest, working lighthouse, but she hadn't been back since and she wondered why Rick had chosen Montauk for today's date. Was this a date? She didn't see the appeal, but she'd go anywhere with him. Montauk was a lovely tourist attraction with state parks and it's beaches and landmarks. She just wished she knew what his plans were once they got there.

Well, with most of the tourists now gone, there might not be much of a chance that Rick would be recognized, therefore, drawing little to no attention or paparazzi they could have their privacy and that would be so nice.

The days in New York in mid- September were still warm, but the evenings often turned cooler, she thought as she contemplated what to wear. It was that time of year when the seasons were changing and you never knew how to dress. And to top it off, she wasn't sure what his plans were.

She ran her hand through her hair and sighed heavily in frustration. "Okay", she said to herself. "It's supposed to be a day of relaxation and just spending time together. It will be quite a drive so comfort and casual." She opted for a soft heather gray pullover, skinny jeans, her Doc Marten Pascal boots with a light blue denim jacket.

He arrived earlier than planned. He wasn't supposed to pick her up until 9:00 so she was surprised when she heard his knock at 8:15. It was a good thing she had already dressed.

"Come away with me." he said, pulling her into his arms the moment she opened the door.

"Wh- What? I already am. We're going to Montauk for the day, remember?" she asked, laughing at his exuberance.

"No, not to Montauk and not for just the day, either. In Maine. I have something I want to show you in Maine and I thought that if you agreed to coming with me, we could spend a couple of days there. I know this is spur of the moment, completely unsuspected and seems weird and I know I promised that we would take baby steps. None of that has changed. We'll have complete privacy, our own separate rooms and it's gorgeous up there. Please, please, will you come?"

She had just returned from her dad's cabin bored out of her mind, but going to Maine with him would be the exact opposite of her dad's cabin and it would give them more time to spend together and the thought of being completely alone with him…Besides, she had never seen Maine and it would be a change of scenery. Still, she wasn't so sure if this was a good idea or a bad idea, but it had it's advantages.

"Please, Kate." he pleaded when she hadn't answered right away. He looked so boyish and so excited. This was obviously important to him and what was important to him was important to her.

"Okay. Just tell me what is in Maine and why the rush? I'm not saying no, I just need to know."

"Of course, you do." he said, taking her hand and leading her to the couch. "While you were away, I started online gaming with an older gentleman from Otis, Maine. He and his wife had lived there their whole lives, but with no family, no kids, and now both retired, they wanted to move to warmer climate and retire in Florida. With Alexis about to graduate and probably leave home, I thought about my own retirement…"

"Wait! What? Are you thinking about retiring, Rick? I think you have a few years to think about that and what about your writing? isn't that what your house in the Hamptons is for?"

"Well, not exactly. The truth is that I can write from anywhere and the house in the Hamptons was more like a vacation home, but with the possibility of Alexis leaving home soon and mother-well, let's just say that she's always into doing her own thing- I just thought about how large the house would be for just one person…"

"So, you bought their place, didn't you?"

Rick hesitated a few moments, contemplating his actions, wondering if he had made the right decision.

Nodding, he replied, "Yes, I did. I love the house in the Hamptons, but it's way too large for just me."

It saddened her to know that Rick was imagining himself all alone in the near future rambling around in a large house with no hope. It was a pretty bleak image, but perhaps he was having a mid - life crisis and feeling the empty nest syndrome, but she got the point. Mid- life crisis or not, he needed to be reassured.

"Hey," she said, squeezing his fingers lightly. "I get it, I do, but you don't know what the future holds. Yes, Alexis will be leaving for college, but what about that? She'll probably meet some nice guy, fall in love, get married and have kids of her own, but that doesn't mean that you won't be around to enjoy that. And what about your future? You may decide to remarry and have more kids."

"The only future I want, is one with you in it and when you were gone and I didn't hear from you-" he said, his voice trailing off dejectedly.

Pangs of guilt and remorse washed over her in waves. Her radio silence over the summer had nearly cost her to lose this amazing man. She just hadn't realized how close she'd come. God, she had hurt him so much. She never meant to make him feel this way. But in retrospect, she understood why he felt that way and it was all her fault.

She swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat. "Rick, I- I-" she stammered.

"No, Kate. I didn't tell you that to make you feel guilty for leaving, but that was where my head was at that time."

He didn't want to make her feel guilty, but the real reason he'd bought the place was to seclude himself, remove himself as far away from the city and any reminders of her and live the rest of his life alone and in privacy since he'd told her he loved her and then she'd fled without a word to him after she'd told him she needed time and would call him. Only she hadn't. Three months of longing and hoping and waiting to hear from her, jumping each time his phone rang- and nothing-until a few days ago.

But that was in the past and he needed to let that go. The important thing here was that she was here with him now and she wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her.

She smiled up at him and cupped his cheek in her hand. "Rick, I want that, too, but we won't know unless we give ourselves the okay to take that chance and that's a chance I'm willing to take."

"So there's really hope for us?"

"Yes. There's a lot of hope and I could see a future with both of us in it. Together."

Rising, he tugged on her hand, pulling her into his embrace, tugging her closer making her hyper- aware of every line and plane of his body and kissing her deeply causing chills of want and need to run through her body, her knees growing weak and her breathing to become shallow and ragged. Nope. She didn't mind spending a few days in seclusion with him at all, especially if it meant having moments like these.

"So, still all in?" he asked, huskily, pulling her even closer.

" Still all in." she replied, breathlessly wrapping her arms around his waist and snuggling even deeper in his embrace.

"Still up for going to Maine with me?"

She laughed softly. "What part of 'all in' do you not understand?" she teased.

"Thank you." he whispered in her ear, sending electrical shocks through every fiber of her of her body, causing her to tremble. "Everything is very casual, laid back there and we can do whatever we want to." he continued, nuzzling her neck and oh, God, he'd found that sensitive spot just below her ear.

"So, tell me. Does our time alone include moments like these?" she asked, seductively in between intoxicating kisses.

"You'll be in charge, Kate. As little of this or as much as you'd like." he said still dropping soft, tender kisses along her neck.

Damn! Why were they still standing in her living room? Why didn't they just go to her bedroom and finish this conversation? How the hell was she still standing?

"Mmm. Sounds like a good plan to me. All in. So all in." she replied, whispering the last few words in his ear..

"Me, too. All in for me, too."

She didn't know how they made it out of her apartment without going to the bedroom first, but she had a vague recollection of going into her room and throwing a few articles of clothing into a small pull along suitcase and she had no idea what she had packed.

The car service he had called while she was stuffing who knows what into her case was waiting at the curb when they left her apartment.

Rick had called for them to be picked up outside her apartment to be taken to JFK to catch the next flight out of the city to Bangor, Maine where he would pick up a rental car to drive into Otis and have at their disposal until their return two days later.

When the limo driver received Rick's destination, he rolled the privacy window between the seats up so they could talk in private and pulled away from the curb.

"So, tell me about this house you've bought in Maine and why you would want to relocate to Otis, Maine." she said, as the car pulled away from the curb.

Rick turned and gazed out of the window at the city streets passing by. It had been a rash, impulsive thing to do, but at the time he'd bought this place, he'd wanted to put as much distance between her and himself as possible.

She was it for him and for months, he'd held onto hope, hoping that one day, they would be together. But that hope and dream had vanished when she'd turned and ran away, breaking his heart, tearing it into shreds.

And now? Were they really trying this or was this thing between them a figment of his imagination? Perhaps, it was a dream. It felt real and right.

"Rick?" Kate asked when he hesitated in answering.

"Huh?"

"I was asking about this house that you've bought."

"Oh, yeah. I really don't know much about it."

"Wait! What did you just say? Please, don't tell me that you bought this place sight unseen." she asked, aghast. Surely, he hadn't done that. He was too smart for that.

"Uhh, umm, yeah I did. I ran a search on it and there are no liens, second mortgages or back taxes due on the property, though."

Oh, this could all go so horribly wrong in so many different ways. With distant memories of a 1986 movie written by David Gler and starring Shelly Long and Tom Hanks, a romantic comedy of a young couple looking for a new house, but they can't afford to spend much money meet a lonely old con woman who sells them a beautiful mansion for a ridiculously low price. Madness and mayhem ensue when anything and everything that could go wrong did, the second they moved into the house. The house basically fell apart around them with the stairway collapsing, to the bathtub falling through the floor, the chimney falling into the house and the frame falling apart.

And now Rick had possibly put himself in the same position. This situation had 'The Money Pit' stamped all over it only this time it wouldn't be even remotely funny.

"Rick, how did you pay for this property? Please, tell me that you didn't write a check putting your bank account at risk."

"No! Of course, not. I used a cashier check. Look, I know that this was taking a huge risk, but at the time, the only thing I could think about was just getting away, out of the state. I wasn't thinking straight."

"Tell me, did this decision, in any way, even remotely have anything to do with me or my absence? You can tell me, Rick." she asked, gently squeezing his fingers.

What? Now, how the hell could she possibly know what he was thinking? She must know him better than he realized.

Beside her, Rick's posture stiffened and he inhaled sharply. He took his gaze from the passing scenery and looked at her, his brows furrowed and his shoulders drooped.

"Please, be honest and talk to me, Rick."

That was the key. If they were going to work, they had to be honest with each other, so he had no choice, he had to tell her. He only hoped that she'd understand.

He swallowed hard and took a deep breath before answering, "Yes, it did! It had everything to do with this decision, okay? After you left and didn't call after you promised you would- I love you, Kate and life without you- I just couldn't, can't imagine. So when the opportunity presented itself, yes, I jumped on it."

Tears pricked her eyes and threatened to fall at his acknowledgment. She wanted to tell him that she felt the same way, that she loved him too, and had for years. She opened her mouth to tell him that, but her mouth was too dry and the words got stuck in her throat.

Her gaze flicked down to their joined hands and then back at him. Raising their joined hands, she pressed soft kisses to each of his knuckles.

"I know you do, Rick. I want the same thing, I feel the same way…"

"Do you?" he asked.

"Yes." she replied, bringing their joined hands to the center of her chest so he could feel every beat of her heart. "I do. Every beat of my heart is because of you. You think that this erratic beat is due to me being shot in the heart? That's only part of it. That staccato beat is what being with you does to me, among other things. I know that I have a lot to atone for and I'm-"

"No, Kate. I… I…" Rick stuttered.

"Shhh." she said, putting her index finger against his lips. "As much as I'm concerned about you buying this place on impulse and the reason you bought it, I'm looking forward to seeing it and spending the next couple of days with you. I think that it may be good for us. Whatever awaits us in Maine, you won't be alone and I'll support whatever you decide." she said, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips.

Rick deepened the kiss and she melded into his embrace, yielding to his kiss, responding to each stroke of his tongue in her mouth with a stroke of her own, moaning his name.

"Please, tell me I'm not dreaming." he whispered huskily in her ear when they broke for air.

She giggled softly and nibbled on his ear lobe. "Not a dream, babe. This is the real deal, I promise." she whispered.

They arrived at JFK just in time to duck into a coffee shop and down a bagel and a cup of coffee before boarding their plane.

TBC.

Author's Note : There will be a bit of a twist in the next chapter which I will begin writing tonight or possibly tomorrow. I saw the movie "The Money Pit" years ago and while bits and pieces flowed in and out of my brain, I couldn't quite pull it all together, so I referenced IMDB for that reference.

The next chapter will be longer, but to be honest, I'm not sure, but this story may end. It wasn't my original plan, but with the way I've got the next chapter planned, i don't know where else to take the story from there. We'll see how it goes.

Anyway, I hope you all had a Merry Christmas if you celebrated it and I wish ech of you a very joyous, prosperous and happy 2016.


	5. Chapter 5

For The Love of Kate Chapter 5

A/N: I cannot thank you all enough for your support of this story, for all who favored, left reviews and followed this story. You guys are the best and I'm so fortunate and thankful for each of you. Simply saying Thank You" seems so inadequate, but please know that I mean it from the bottom of my heart. When I started this chapter, I had no idea of where to go with it. I was at a complete and utter loss until I got the idea to place Kate and Rick in the same area during her recuperation, but that was basically all I had. I live in Texas and have never been to either New York or Maine so looking for information on lakes in New York area was only adding to my frustration. I almost bailed at that point, so I put my own writing aside and began reading other authors fics. I had been reading WRTRD's stories all summer. I don't remember why, but I clicked on their profile and saw that they are from New York I had an ah ha moment and decided to swallow my shyness and just ask. At this point, I was still stuck in New York, Maine wasn't even an option. They gave me the information I needed and suggested Maine. My imagination took hold of their information and I decided to run with both areas. Along with WRTRD's information and a guest reviewer who gave me some really good ideas made this chapter even possible. So to WRTRD and unknown reviewer, thank you so very much. Sending you both the biggest cyber hugs. Now onto the story.

"So, Rick. Have you ever been here before?" Kate asked as she hit the power button to the passenger window to power it down.

"Well, only to the larger cities like Augusta, Portland, Bangor on book tours, but I haven't ever explored the countryside. There was never enough time to do much sight seeing. Have you?"

"Nope. Never been here. I guess this is a first for both of us, huh?"

"Looks that way. So, what do you think, Kate?" he asked, raising their joined hands up to press a kiss to her fingers.

They had landed an hour ago and were now traveling Route 180 from Bangor to Otis in the rented SUV.

Kate leaned her head out of the passenger window and inhaled the aromatic pine scent of the pine trees, the beautiful explosion of fall colors of the beech trees, sugar maples, and birches against an azure sky.

"It's beautiful up here." she replied.

"Yes, it is, isn't it?"

"So, what else do you know about this house?" she asked.

"Only what I told you earlier about there being no liens, second mortgages, or back taxes against it. Dan did say that there was forty acres of property that he and his wife rented out campsites during the summer months. The house is on an acre of the property with a shed that he's used for storing firewood, tools, a generator. The house itself is a two bedroom, two baths with a separate double car garage. The rest of the acreage is pretty much timber and camp sites. That's about it, I guess."

"What about the utilities?"

"He said last night that all the utilities would remain on until the middle of next month."

"So you talked to him last night?"

"Yeah. He called to tell me that they had moved out and told me where to find the key."

"Rick, maybe we should have gotten motel rooms in Bangor."

Waggling his eyebrows at her seductively. "Why, Detective Beckett, I'm flattered…"

"I didn't mean it like that! As appealing as that is, you'll definitely have no doubt about what I want or when I want it. I only meant that no have no furniture, no supplies…"

"Ah. I see. Dan and Suzanne moved into a Retirement Center in Florida. They only took their clothing, a few mementos, photographs. The house is completely furnished. We'll know more about what we need once we see the house. Dan said that there is a General Store in Otis that carries a lot of supplies so if we need anything, we can just go there."

"A General Store? Really? Is that what you're going with?" she teased, quirking an eyebrow at him, biting down on her bottom lip, trying unsuccessfully, to hide her smile.

"What? It's a very small town. What can I say? Okay. Help me look for a mile marker sign that says that Otis is five miles. We turn right just before the sign."

"I know. Just messing with you. Look, Rick. There it is." He was so excited about this, but she couldn't let go of the reason he had bought it in the first place and the way he'd bought it sight unseen only worried her more.

Rick turned on his blinker and made the turn onto a narrow, gravel road marked that led them a short distance through a forest of Sugar Maple, Pine and Yellow Birch trees reaching possibly eighty feet tall, the colors of the Sugar Maples and Birches exploding in all their splendor.

His fingers squeezed hers gently.

"It's beautiful!" she gasped, in awe.

Rick stopped the car and put it in park. She turned to look at him as he tugged on her hand to draw her closer. Leaning toward her he cupped her face in his palm.

Warmth spread through her as his lips met hers, his kiss soft and gentle, the exploration of his tongue sending white hot flames of desire through her. The scent of pine trees, the musky scent of his cologne and the pounding of her heart beat, the feel of his tongue seeking and exploring had her senses turning somersaults. sending shock waves of raw need coursing through her. She moaned as he deepened the kiss, sending shivers up and down her spine.

"Damn console!" Rick muttered when they broke for air.

"Yeah." Kate laughed.

"Thank you for coming with me on such short notice." he said softly.

"Always." she whispered, leaning her forehead against his.

"So, let's go see what the rest of the property and the house looks like." he said softly, kissing her lightly on the lips.

"Okay." she agreed, nodding.

He leaned back against his seat, smiled and took her hand, pressing a light kiss to the end of each of her fingers before putting the SUV in Drive and they continued until they came to a clearing.

"It's a log cabin!" they chorused at the same time.

Rick pulled up to the detached, double car garage and parked. Unbuckling his seat belt, he got out and came around to open her door for her and assisted her from the car. Before Rick, no other man had shown her the courtesy of opening doors for her. Chivalry was not dead. It existed in and was the very essence of the incredible man standing before her.

They stood by the SUV and surveyed their surroundings.

O-kay. Not quite what she had expected, but then what had she been expecting? Whatever it was, it certainly wasn't this. The rustic cabin seemed to be about 2,000 square feet, so it was far from being small by her standards constructed of oak logs. It appeared to have been custom built and if she had to guess, was probably built within the last ten years or so. The cabin had a wooden deck with a set of double french doors in front and a stone chimney in the middle of the structure. At opposite ends of the cabin upstairs were two wooden balconies and gabled windows in front which must be the bedrooms.

The yard was meticulously kept and beautifully landscaped. A few feet away from the front deck, a Blue Spruce tree graced the landscape, amid a few shade trees scattered about, reminding Kate of a Christmas tree. Rick would love that.

"Look, Kate! I have a living Christmas tree right next to the deck! How cool is that? I mean, most Christmas trees are fir trees, but some people buy these Colorado Blue Spruce trees for Christmas trees." Rick said. "Y-e-s!" he exclaimed, fist pumping the air and doing a little victory dance around her.

She laughed at his excited, boyish enthusiasm, in spite of her misgivings and doubts, and yes, worries, she loved seeing this side of him, even though most of the time she tried to feign annoyance. Not this time. His excitement was contagious, however, those worries and doubts still lingered. But she decided to try to tamp those down and just enjoy his exuberance and celebrate with him.

It would help if she didn't feel so guilt ridden for walking away from him, even if it had been to heal. She had walked away without a word to him for three months and had almost lost him forever. And he had bought this place with every intention of walking away from her. She'd come so close to that. Too damn close.

"Kinda reminds me of that little place I rented a couple of months ago at Lake Hopatcong."

Wait! What the hell did he just say? NO WAY!

"You- - - Yo-You were at Lake Hop-Hopatcong?" Kate stammered.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Wh- When?" Nausea and pangs of guilt and remorse washed over her in waves. She pressed her fingertips to her trembling lips and gasped for air.

How could she tell him? Things had been going so well between them since last night and she hoped she was wrong, but she had a feeling that what progress they'd made she was about to shatter it.

"I rented a small cabin up there in the latter part of June, early July. It gave me a chance to get away from the city for a while, some new environment to think. I needed a change of scenery. Why?""

"Wh- Wh- Where on Lake Hopatcong?"

"On Brady Lane. Why?"

"Because my dad's cabin is on Brady Lane." she blurted out. "If I had just called… I'm so sorry, Rick… If I could…"

His body stiffened and she saw a glimmer of hurt in his eyes, but it was fleeting.

Suddenly, Rick guffawed, stomping his feet, bending over double in a fit of laughter until he was breathless.

What the hell? That was the least response she thought he'd give.

"You find this funny?" she asked, incredulous.

"Not the situation, but the absurdity of it all. Don't you see? You went to your dad's cabin to recuperate, not telling me or anyone else where you were going and then I happen to rent a cabin in the same area never knowing that we were just a few blocks from each other the whole time."

The corners of her mouth lifted in a smile. "Well, that is kinda weird when you think about it like that."

"No. It's INSANE! It's like it was kismet." he exclaimed still laughing.

"I walked up and down that beach so many times, willing myself, pushing myself to get better, be better, seeing your face as a mirage, hearing your voice in my head, telling me that I could do this. I am so sorry, Rick."

"No, Kate. I think we were both at fault. Look, that's in the past. We're getting a fresh start and the important thing is we're here together now. We both need to let that go and just keep moving forward." he said, taking her in his arms and dusting a kiss to her temple.

"I'm so glad we're here." she said, snuggling closer to him, reveling in the warmth and strength of his embrace.

"Me, too." he said, laying his cheek against the crown of her head, tightening his arms around her waist.

"I'm so sorry, Rick. I never meant to hurt…" she said.

"I know." he said, dusting a kiss to the top of her head. "I forgive you, Kate. Now, let it go and let's move past this, okay?"

Could it be that simple, that easy? "Okay." she agreed.

"So, what do you think? Is this the money grabbing pit you imagined?" he asked, as he surveyed the scene around them.

Her gaze followed his. Shrugging, she said, "I don't know... yet."

"Are you kidding me, Kate? It's gorgeous out here. It's perfect!"

"Yeah, well so was the mansion in the 'Money Pit... until they moved in.."

"Oh, ye of little faith. I can't believe that I brought Skepticus Maximus to my man cave, but point taken."

" Your man cave, huh?" she asked sardonically, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Well, it started out that way, but now, I want to share it with you. So, what do you say we check out the cabin?"

Smiling up at him, she replied, "Let's go."

With their arms around each other's waists they walked up onto the wooden deck where Rick found the key beneath a clay flower pot.

He unlocked the doors and stood to the side for her to enter and pocketed the key.

The first thing she noticed was the clean scents of pine and lemon oil. The second thing she noticed was the staircase just to her right. She eyed it skeptically. At least, the house smelled clean.

"Wow!" Rick exclaimed as he entered, closing the door behind him.

Turning her gaze from the staircase, she looked to see what had caught his attention. The Living area was for the large part, an open concept which was tastefully decorated with log and glass topped end tables and coffee table., but what really made the room stand out was the maroon sectional in the middle of the room and centered around the stone fireplace atop a beige, two toned gray and maroon area rug sculpted in a diamond pattern facing the stone fireplace. There were two gray arm chairs situated across from the sectional, the colors all working together to enhance the colored stones of the fireplace. Wow was right. It looked as if she had stepped onto the pages of Southern Living Magazine Rick offered her his arm. "Shall we?"

After inspecting the living room, they headed in the opposite direction and found a dining room complete with an oak dining table that seated six and a china hutch completely devoid of any china, crystal, or any trinkets

Beyond that room was a kitchen area complete with all stainless steel appliances. Kate headed straight to the kitchen sink to try the water taps to ensure that the water from the pipes ran clear and they had both hot and cold running water. They did. Of course, they did. It wasn't that was looking for things to go wrong or hoping this would turn out badly for him... this was just too strange and weird. No, surely she wasn't doing that. Or was she hoping that it would so that he would remain in New York. She wasn't that petty, was she?

The same maroon and gray color scheme had carried into this room also and probably throughout the rest of the house. There was a set of French Doors that led onto the back deck, wooden furniture on the deck, bringing out the rustic feel of the house. The yard was surrounded by woods on two sides with access to Beech Hill Pond at the rear of the property. A short distance from the deck was a stone fire pit and about fifty feet from there was a picnic area. The only way it could have been any better was to have an in ground pool or jacuzzi back there, but no such luck.

Kate remained at the kitchen sink looking at the landscape out the window while Rick continued exploring the rest of the room.

"Hello! Earth to Kate." Rick said, startling Kate from her musing.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"

"Someone was lost in thought. Wanna talk about it?"

"Nope." she replied, her lips turning downward as she shrugged.

"Okay, So what do you think, so far?" he asked, opening kitchen cabinets, exploring their contents.

Shrugging, she replied, "Well, it's beautifully decorated, seems well maintained and everything seems to be in working order, so far., but doesn't this seem weird to you?"

"No. Why should it?" he asked, opening a cabinet drawer.

"What I mean is that everything seems to be too perfect."

"Too perfect? I'm afraid I don't understand. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing- really. It's just- I don't know-. I've just got this feeling-"

"Like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop?"

"Pretty much. Yeah."

He crossed the room to her. Cupping her face in his palms, he said, "Look. This isn't going to be another Money Pit, okay?"

"For your sake, I hope not." she replied.

"It isn't. I know it all seems too good to be true, but so far, there's been nothing wrong. I think you're over thinking this, Kate. Why don't we go check out upstairs and then we'll come back down here and make a list of the things we'll need and then we'll go to town, have a little lunch, maybe check out the town before we come back?"

"Okay. Fine." she huffed.

Rick laughed when they approached the stairs and Kate tentatively placed her foot on the bottom stair before putting her full weight on it.

"Come on, the stairs aren't going to collapse." he laughed, taking her hand.

"Sorry." she muttered. Perhaps Rick was right and she was over thinking this, letting her own guilt and insecurities get in the way.

"You're just feeling that way because I just told you about it this morning and the way I bought it sight unseen." he said, as he started up the stairs, pulling Kate behind him.

He wasn't totally wrong, but that was only half of it.

"Yeah, maybe. There's just something about this that's creeping me out right now. Don't you find this odd?"

"No. Why? "

"It's just strange. It's like we've stepped into their private domain where we have no business."

"You say that like we're invading their right to privacy."

"Well, aren't we?"

"Like we haven't entered people's houses before."

"That is different. We usually only enter a person's home because there's been a murder or to tell someone that someone they know is no longer among the living and then we're invited in."

One of the risers creaked under Rick's weight and Kate cast a furtive glance behind them.

As if sensing her anxiety, Rick said, "A creaky board in the riser. Nothing more. We aren't trespassing, Kate. I bought this place and we have every right to be here. We're fine."

Perhaps Rick was right and she was just uneasy about the way he had bought the house sight unseen and the reason he had felt compelled to buy it in the first place and she was just freaked out about it.

At the top of the landing, he pulled her back into his arms. "Kate? Do you trust me?"

"Of course, I do. I trust you more than anyone I know."

"Then, trust me now. I'll admit that I bought this place in an unconventional manner, that it was an impulsive, irrational thing to do, a risky move. This is a lot smaller than I'm used to, but that was one reason I bought it. But if this makes you too uncomfortable we can go back to Bangor and either stay in a hotel or just take a red eye flight back to the city."

"No! No, you're right. I want to be here with you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so skeptical. This was your decision and I will respect it."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure. Sorry. There's nowhere else I'd rather be than here with you. So, let's check out the rest of the house." she said, grasping his fingers in hers.

"Okay. If you're sure."

"I am."

At one end of the hall was a small bedroom and bath with a queen bed and dresser, a small closet and a set of double french doors leading to a balcony. With the exception of a painting above the bed, the color theme continued in this room and the bathroom, as well.

It was the painting above the bed that drew Kate in. It was a print of John Singer Sargent's 'Carnation, Lily. Lily Rose.' An oil painting he made in 1885-1886, depicting two small girls dressed in white, lighting softly glowing paper lanterns with tapers as day turns into evening, in a garden strewn with pink roses, accents of yellow carnations and tall white lilies.

Her whole demeanor changed as she reverently ran her fingers down the frame of the painting. "I've always loved this painting."

"So, a John Singer Sargent fan. huh?" he asked.

"Especially this one. Look at how that sweet, childhood innocence is captured. How could I not love and appreciate it?"

He was captivated by her. She was always beautiful but even more so now. She was radiant, positively glowing with awe and wonder. He'd never seen her look more beautiful than she was right at that moment.

Wanting to capture that image of her in that moment, he stealthily took his phone out of his pocket and snapped the picture making a mental note to check with Amazon to see if he could order a print of the picture and have it framed for her as a gift.

After watching her admire the painting for a few moments, he said, "Come on, Kate. Let's go check out the other bedroom and you can choose which room you'd like."

"No! I mean we can go check out the other two rooms, but this one will be fine for me."

"I want you to be comfortable, Kate. You can take the other bedroom if you like."

They had agreed last night to move slowly, take baby steps in the progression of taking this to the next level. It had been a mutual decision. So why did the thought of spending the next couple of days alone with him, under the same roof, only in separate bedrooms, but was that even plausible? She had agreed to come on this trip with him. Being alone with him was exactly what she wanted and their being alone would be a good thing. She looked forward to the next couple of days and spending some alone time with him. Just the two of them.

"No. That won't be necessary. This room is about the size of my bedroom at home. This room will be fine."

He scrutinized her. "Do you regret coming here with me? Because I got the feeling earlier that you were hoping this wouldn't work."

"What? No! No, I don't have any regrets about being here with you. I think this will be good for us. It's just- it's just not going to be easy sleeping under the same roof-."

"And not sharing the same bedroom?" he asked.

Unable to meet his eyes, she lowered her gaze to the floor. "Yes." she whispered shyly. "But it's more than that, too. I am so sorry for the way I treated you. I know that I have to gain your trust back and that will take time, but I'm willing to do whatever I have to do to do that. I guess I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed about the reason you bought it and the unorthodox way you purchased it."

Tucking two fingers beneath her chin, he slowly raised her head to meet his gaze. "Hey, there are no expectations here. Last night I told you that we'd take this as fast or as slow as you want and I plan to honor that. As long as I know that there's hope and there's something to hope for, I'm good with waiting. As for sleeping in separate bedrooms, we follow our hearts. If we decide to go there, I'm more than okay with that. If not, and it happens tonight, tomorrow, or six months from now, I'm okay with that, too. You're well worth the wait. So, either way, I'm good." he said, lowering his head to kiss her. "I'm sorry. I guess I have thrown a lot at you today and bringing you here kinda seems like I'm rubbing salt in your wounds and I'm sorry. I never should have told you about it, much less brought you here."

"No. I'm glad you did tell me and I want to be here with you. And not being honest with each other and not communicating with each other is exactly what got us into this mess in the first place. I don't want either of us to ever be reluctant or dishonest with each other anymore. From now on, we say what's on our minds, and express how we feel."

Leaning back slightly, he kissed the tip of her nose. "We will. Now why don't we go check out the other bedroom and then we'll go down to the kitchen and make a list of the things we'll need for the next couple of days?"

"Okay." she agreed.

The other bedroom was only marginally larger than the other. The only difference was the size of the beds, this one was king sized instead of a queen and the bathroom had a claw footed jacuzzi whirlpool tub instead of a tub/ shower combo like the other one. They entered the bedroom and Rick pulled her to the bed. He released her hand long enough to sit on the edge of the bed and bounced up and down to test the mattress.

"Wow! This bed is great! It's not too hard, it;s not too soft..."

"Really? The Three Bears?" Kate asked.

"Well, not exactly what I was going for, but it fits. Come on, Kate. Sit. You gotta try this." he said, taking her hand and before she knew it, she was pulled down next to him.

Laughing, she bounced a couple of times. "You're right. It's a really nice bed."

Rick crawled up to the head of the bed and stretched out lengthwise as if he were going to bed.

"Hmm. Wonder what this does?" he asked, picking up a control from the nightstand next to the bed. A soft whir filled the room as the head of the bed raised.

"Oh, this is so cool! And this bed is so much more comfortable than mine at home." he continued, still fiddling with the controls.

The whirring stopped as the head of the had raised and a soft hum filled the air as the entire bed began vibrating.

Aghast, Kate let out a squeal of surprise and shot up off the bed like she'd been shot out of a cannon. her face flaming, her cheeks turning pink.

"I guess old people like adventure and spicing things up..." Rick chortled.

She leaned over and took the control out of his hand, leaning down to kiss him just to shut him up.

"When our time comes, I'm pretty sure we won't need THIS to spice things up." she said, haughtily in his ear.

"Aww, come on, Kate. Where's your sense of advent.."

"If you're implying that sex with me would be boring, then you have no idea."

"NO! No, no, Kate! That's not what I meant at all! Making love with you would be Amazing! I just..."

"It's okay, Rick. I think I know what you meant. Now, I think we need to go downstairs and make that list."

They went back down to the kitchen to see what supplies they'd need for the next couple of days. As Rick explored the cabinets discovering where dishes and pots and pans were, Kate discovered a pantry/ utility closet which was empty save a few cleaning products..

Kate moved to lean against the kitchen counter as she watched Rick continue his exploration, amused at the excitement that seemed to radiate off of him. He reminded her of a little boy on a scavenger hunt as he walked around the kitchen, no, bounced was a more adequate description, pulling cabinet doors open to discover what was inside, his smile wide and his eyes sparkling.

He looked so damn cute and irresistible. He looked so damn hot in that bed, too. If it hadn't been for that damn vibrator, that whole scene upstairs might have played out differently. She had no idea how things would turn out in the next couple of days, hell, for that matter, tonight either, but wherever it led, she ws looking forward to it.

"Hey, Kate? Are you with me?" Rick asked, pulling her from the path of her thoughts.

"Yeah. Sorry. What did you say?"

He was standing in front of the double door refrigerator/ freezer holding a package wrapped in white butcher paper.

"Look! We have deer steaks!" Rick said, excitedly.

"Nuh- uh. YOU have deer steaks. There's no way that I'm eating Bambi or any of his relatives."

"Why not? Don't tell me that you don't eat Tom the turkey for Thanksgiving. I know better from those turkey sandwiches you order for lunch sometimes. And I know how you love Pork Fried Rice and that has Porky Pig in it. Or how about Chicken Little? Or Mabel the cow? I also know how much you love hamburgers from Remey's" he said, his eyes glinting mischievously at her.

Smiling at his antics and theatrics, she shook her head in denial.

"Look, I know what you're trying to do. My dad tried the same thing when he tried to get me to eat it once. It didn't work. He even tried to trick me once, telling me that it was beef and I knew better as soon as I took a bite. It tastes too wild for my taste. I know that there are people out there that like it, but I/m not one of those people. I prefer watching Bambi out in nature, not eating him. Besides, we have no idea how long that has been in there."

"Your dad is a hunter?"

"Well, he goes with a friend of his sometimes and they divvy up the meat once it's processed, but dad just brings back enough meat to last him a little while, and gives his friend most of it."

"I didn't know that. You know, I think you're right about this." he said, gesturing to the package in his hand as he closed the short distance between them until he was standing right before her.

She gasped as he pulled her to him, body pressing her against the cabinet at the kitchen sink. She was so snug against him what there was not an inch of space between them making her hyper- aware of every line, plane and muscle of his body.

He lowered his head and kissed her, his tongue exploring the recess of her mouth, each stroke of his tongue sent shivers of desire through her. Her body tingling, her knees weak, she looped her arms around his neck and gave herself to the passion of his kiss.

His hand slid up the bottom of her sweater, the softness and warmth of his hand searing her mid- drift. and she moaned his name, aching for more. Craving more of him.

He broke the kiss suddenly, moving his hand and smoothing the hem of her sweater down and turned and walked away from her, leaving her trembling.

What the hell had just happened? What went wrong?

He was standing a few feet away from her with turned away from her.

"Ric- Rick? Wh- What's wrong?" she asked, bringing her trembling fingers to her lips.

He squared his shoulders and turned to face her. "Kate, I'm so sorry. I never meant.. I don't want to hurt you."

"You think you hurt me? Is that what this is all about?"

He nodded slowly. She pushed away from the counter and went to stand before him on still wobbly legs.

She cupped his chin in her palm and lifted his head to meet her eyes. "I thought you might have found me repulsive."

His jaw dropped and his eyes widened in shock. "WHAT? How the hell could you even think that? I'd never find anything repulsive about you!"

"I'll show you how." she said, crossing her arms over her chest. She grasped the hem of her sweater and pulled it up to reveal the pink, puckered scar at her side. "That's how."

He stared wide eyed at her and swallowed around the repulsion and anger he felt toward whoever did this to her.

Hot angry tears burned his eyes "Does it still hurt?" he asked as he brought his hand up to touch her, but let it fall slowly to his side.

"I'm not made of glass, Rick, and I know that you'd never hurt me. You haven't a mean bone in your body. No, it doesn't hurt anymore. The scar pulls a little if I move the wrong way." she said, taking his hand and puttin it against her side.

"I could kill the son of a bitch that did this to you with my bare hands and would gladly watch as his life left his body."

"We will catch him someday and he'll get what's coming to him."

"I can't believe you thought I'd find you repulsive Kate. A couple of scars don't make you any less beautiful, Kate. You'll always be beautiful in my eyes."

"Thank you. So why did you pull away from me like that just now?"

"Because I looked at you and you had the sweetest smile on your face and I just lost total control. I felt like I was pushing you into something you might not be ready for and I don't want you to think that I don't respect you because that's not the case. I do respect you, will always respect you, Kate."

"I know you do and I respect you, too. I know that this seems sudden, convoluted and weird right now, but when you think about it, we've been putting this off for four years now. What part of four years is sudden? We're moving forward and we both know that this is where we're headed, whether it happens today, tomorrow, or six months from now. You said it yourself earlier, we'll get there and we will."

"Yeah, but I didn't mean to put pressure on you."

"You didn't. You didn't put any more pressure on me than I wanted and allowed. I could have stopped it, but I didn't want to. And as strange as this all seems, being here with you, like this feels so right. So real. I want an 'us', Rick."

"So do I. Believe me. I do."

She smiled up at him. "I do believe you. Now, I think you mentioned going into town for lunch and I'm starving.."

"Me, too. One more thing though."

"Okay, what is it?"

'So you think we should just dive into this?"

Her brow furrowed as she contemplated her answer. "I think we should be open with it. It's not something that you plan. What you said earlier about following our hearts makes a lot of sense, so let's go with that.

"Okay." he said, taking her hand and leaning in to give her lips a quick peck. "So, let's go to town." he said, giving her hand a gentle tug.

TBC

A/N: What can I say? I'm such a sap, but I'm enjoying it. Anyway, I am so sorry for the delay. I've re written this about four times before I felt comfortable with it. When I started this chapter, it was only going to be about 3,000 words give or take, but just within the last couple of days this chapter really took a life of it's own. I am so glad it did. I've barely scratched the surface on chapter 6 and I am eager to get into it. I feel like I should warn you, though, the subsequent chapters will be highly suggestive, not explicit, but more suggestive than I've ever written. If I were to rate it, I would rate it a strong T for it's content and suggestiveness. In order to keep the story going, the chapters will vary in length. Please, bear with me and as always I love hearing from all of you.

For those that have been caught in this mega snow storm and trying to dig their way out of this, please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Stay safe and warm.


	6. Chapter 6

For The Love of Kate Chapter 6

A/N: Otis General Store actually exists in Qtis, Maine- my knowledge of the actual place is nil to none and my research of the place only produced a thumbnail picture and little more. I borrowed the site for location purposes only.

Otis Maine was just as she had envisioned it. A small, rural township that was so typical of small town Mainstream America. It had all the appealing characteristics of peace and tranquility in all it's beauty and splendor, unlike Manhattan which was always busy and teeming with the hustle and bustle of city life. The city that never slept. What a vast difference!

Otis was the type of place where people actually slowed down and took the time to simply enjoy life.

They found the General Store with ease and when they stepped from the car, Kate was reminded of an era gone by. The store itself reminded her of something out of the 1940's or 1950's with tan clapboard siding and blue trim, exuding a charm and appeal all it's own.

Rick parked the SUV and came around to assist her from the car. They had taken their time exploring the cabin and making a supply list. It had been a beautiful Autumn day when they entered, but by the time they left to come into town, they had encountered gray skies, pelting rain and gusting winds and much cooler temperatures.

An icy blast buffeted her as she stepped from the car, stinging her face, causing her cheeks and nose to turn red, sending her hair flying in all directions, the pelting rain sending rivulets of water dripping off the ends of her hair.

Rick wrapped his arm around her shoulders trying to shield her from the wind and rain as best he could. They were so unprepared for this. The mild Autumn day they had arrived on had quickly changed to this.

As they entered the store an average height man with salt and pepper hair and a warm, friendly face and a warm genuine smile approached them with his hand extended..

"Mister Castle, it's so great to finally meet you. My name is Mike Blackmon. My wife and I are huge fans. Welcome to Otis! I've been expecting you." Mike said, shaking Rick's hand.

And so it begins… Kate thought wryly. So much for slipping in for a little private time.

"Lovely to meet you, as well, Detective Beckett! So sorry to hear about your shooting. Good to see that you're up and about."

Her gaze snapped up to meet Rick's. Well, shit! This was not what she'd been hoping for or expecting, but this time she couldn't blame Rick or be angry with him for this. This had been a completely unplanned trip for both of them. The event of her shooting had made National news and Rick was a famous Mystery/ Crime novelist. She should have been expecting it.

She felt Rick's warm, comforting hand press against the small of her back and felt reassured.

"Thank you. It's nice to meet you, Mr. Blackmon." Kate said, demurely, shaking the man's proferred hand.

"It's always nice to meet a fan, but how did you know I was coming? It was an unplanned trip." Rick queried.

"Dan told me that you had bought his place. You got a nice place, Mr. Castle. Sure hated to see Dan and Suzanne leave."

"So, you knew them well?" Kate asked.

"Yeah. I was born and raised in this area."

"What can you tell us about them?" Some habits die hard. or didn't die at all, but the detective in her couldn't let go.

"Kate, there's no need…" Rick chided.

"No, Rick. I just think it's important to have some background on the place. It's strictly out of curiosity, nothing else."

"They were the pillars of this community. Both born and raised here, went to school here, were childhood sweethearts. They married after college. Both became teachers and Dan was my High School Football coach. There were no finer or nicer people here."

"Satisfied?" Rick asked.

"Anything else, Detective?" Mike asked.

"No. Sorry." That was all for now.

"Okay... So, what can I help you with today?" Mike asked.

"Well, for starters, could you keep our presence on the down low? We're only here to check the place out, so we'll only be here for a couple of days."

"This is a small town, Mr. Castle and word travels pretty fast in small towns, but I'll keep your secret. And I hate to throw the proverbial monkey wrench in your plans, but unless you sprout wings, you're going to be here a little longer than that."

"Wait! What do you mean?" Rick asked.

"You mean you haven't seen any of the forecasts?" Mike asked.

Rick's wide eyed, worried glance met hers. "Uhh, no. We've been uh... pretty busy."

Busy? Really? Busy with each other maybe. They had been spending a lot of time together the last few days with no need for a television. He had come to dinner last night and hadn't left until early this morning only to return a few hours later and here they were.

"We've got an Arctic cold front blasting in from Canada expected to bring white out conditions, power outages, and anywhere from 1-3 feet of snow accumulating. This is the prelude." Mike said, sweeping his hand to gesture out the store window.

"Isn't it a little early in the season for that? I mean, it's mid- September, not January." Rick asked.

"Yeah, well, who can predict Mother Nature? Right?"

"Yeah. Right." Rick stated dismally. "I see that you have a grill. Is it open?"

"Sure. I'm here alone, so if you'd like to find a booth, I'll come and take your orders."

Noticing that the grill was void of customers except one elderly, gray haired woman sitting alone at a booth reading a newspaper, they selected a booth as far away from the door and windows as possible and he waited until she slid in and then he slid in beside her.

As soon as they were seated, Rick took her hand and placed their joined hands on his thigh, keeping their hands hidden from view underneath the table. It was one thing for him to be dragged into the public eye, but he knew that Kate valued her privacy and he respected that.

"I am so sorry for dragging you into this, Kate."

"You didn't drag me into anything. I came because I wanted to. It's just that we're so unprepared. We'll be okay. We've been through far worse than this before."

"Yeah. I know, but this isn't how I saw this going when I asked you to come here."

"Oh? And where did you see this going?" she asked, the corners of her mouth turning up into a teasing smile.

Mike appeared to take their orders and both decided on cheeseburgers, fries, and coffees.

He waited until Mike left with their orders before he replied, "I really had no expectations other than checking out the property, and grounds. I hoped that once we had done that maybe I could take you somewhere nice for dinner in Bangor, maybe we could drive up into Acadia National Park… Whatever I had expected, it certainly wasn't this."

"No. Me, either."

"Maybe, we could head back to the airport and see if we can catch a flight back to New York." he said, dismally.

"No! By the time we got there, it would take time to turn in the SUV, thus prolonging our departure and the storm is already hitting the area so our chances of finding a flight out would be slim and then we'd be stranded at the airport. If it's all the same to you, I'd rather we take our chances at the cabin. Besides, I'm looking forward to spending some time alone with you."

"You want to spend time with me in 'The Money Pit'?" he asked, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"Yeah. Sorry about that. It's just that you really caught me off guard with that and I let it overwhelm me. But I'm over it, now." she said, squeezing his fingers.

"You're right If we are going to be stranded, I'd rather we were stranded at the cabin. But I think we're going to need more supplies than Mike carries here. Hey, Mike, are there any department stores near here?" he called to Mike, who was behind the counter at the grill, preparing the buns for their burgers and dropping french fries into a deep fryer.

Mike washed his hands at a sink hidden in a kitchen area off to the side of the grill and then came out and joined them at the booth. Sliding into the seat opposite them he replied, "Sure. There's a couple of malls in Ellsworth, but I'm guessing that due to the approaching storm your best bet would be Walmart in Ellsworth, if that will help."

"Yeah, it will. It isn't ideal, with the inclement weather coming in, but we didn't come prepared for this. We're going to need warmer clothing for starters. Dan said that there is a generator in the shed, but we hadn't gotten around to exploring the outer buildings, yet."

"Yeah. Dan kept it stored in the shed until he needed it, but it's going to need fuel. How are you fixed for that?"

"I honestly don't know and I've never hooked one up before so I was hoping you could tell me."

"Once connected to a fuel supply, the generator will kick on automatically when the power goes out. You're running on borrowed time here. Let me call my brother -in-law, Joe. He delivers fuel for all of us around here and he knew Dan and Suzanne so he's familiar with the place and I know he's out here somewhere. I can call him and get him to stop by and check the fuel supply and hook up the generator for you."

Rick breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Mike. That will help tremendously."

"Happy to help, Mr. Castle. And don't worry, I'll keep your secret about who bought the place."

"It's Rick. And thank you, so much, Mike."

"Welcome to Otis, Rick." Mike said, excusing himself to make his phone call and finish their orders.

* * *

There was roughly only 12 miles between Otis and Ellsworth, a drive that had only taken them 20 minutes earlier was now taking them an extra fifteen minutes due to the howling wind and torrential rain that buffeted the SUV. It was a drive that would have tested the patience of many drivers, but Rick handled the SUV with expertise and skill keeping hydro planing to a minimum.

The parking at Walmart was atrocious. Fortunately, the rain was no longer coming down in sheets as it had on their way in, but thunder still boomed off in the distance as lightning zig -zagged across the sky and the air temperature had dropped significantly. They'd be lucky if they made it back to the cabin before roads began icing over.

They welcomed the warmth from the heating system that blasted upon them as they stepped through the automatic doors of the store.

"Okay. We're going to need a weather radio, warm clothing, and groceries. I hope you like homemade chili and soups. Here, take this cart and go get whatever you think you'll need for a few days and call me on your cell when you're done. I hate to separate, but we need to do this as quickly as possible and I think we'll make better time." Rick said, rolling a cart her way.

She nodded, taking the cart from him and they walked to the center aisle together where they separated, she going in the direction of the Women's clothing and he headed in the direction of the electronics department.

A half hour later, she huffed a heavy sigh of frustration. The Women's Department only had light sweaters and jackets out with the exception of two sweaters that she thought might work even though they were over sized, no heavy outerwear at all. Snagging the only two heavy sweaters she could find she continued on her mission. She had managed to find a couple of heavy woolen scarves, a couple of knit hats, a pair of leather gloves, some heavy socks, a couple of sets of ladies thermal underwear, some panties and bras, a couple of pairs of leggings as well as a couple of heavy sweaters.

Well, she'd try the Men's Department for a heavy coat she thought as she headed in that direction. She passed a rack with women's flannel pajama pants and stopped to look at them. Deciding that she'd look in the men's department for those as well, she glanced to another rack where she saw a sheer, black baby doll pajama set that drew her attention.

Not that she was planning to seduce Rick any time soon, that could happen any time, whether that could be tonight or six months from now, the time would eventually come. She had plenty of sexy lingerie at home, but that was back in Manhattan, not Otis, Maine.

She shivered at the memory of the way he'd reverently touched the scar on her side earlier in the kitchen of the cabin, the pad of his thumb brushing her side so softly and oh, so tenderly.

She shook herself out of her musings and replaced the items back on the rack. They had a tentative agreement to move slowly, but really? How much longer did they need to wait? On second thought, wouldn't it be better to just let things happen naturally between them whenever that might be?

She moved toward the Men's Department to look for an appropriate coat and saw Rick browsing through a rack of faux fur lined parkas.

"Hey, did you find everything you'll need?" he asked as she came up beside him.

"Umm, yeah. Unfortunately, they didn't have any winter coats out in the Women's Department that seemed appropriate for this weather so I thought I'd check over here. And that's a few things?" she asked, nodding toward his overflowing cart'

"Yeah, well, this is survival. Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that. There isn't a lot of choice over here, either. I guess this freak weather change caught everyone off guard. But at least, we have these." he said, gesturing to the rack.

They both tried on the parkas and Rick's fit him perfectly, hers- not so much. It dwarfed her lithe figure, but it would have to suffice. Rick added about six long sleeved, insulated plaid flannel shirts to his cart and they headed towards the checkout lines.

On their way to the checkout lines, Rick spied a shelf with full face ski masks and stopped briefly to check them out.

A woman chasing her screaming child down the main aisle bumped into Kate distracting her. The woman apologized as she continued chasing the child.

"How do I look, Kate?"

Kate who had been distracted by the woman snapped her gaze back to him and laughed. "Like you're about to knock off Walmart."

"Would you arrest me if I did?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows at her seductively.

"Sorry. Not my jurisdiction and I didn't bring my cuffs with me, but if you're so intent on getting arrested, I'm sure we could play Cops and Robbers when we get back to the cabin." she replied, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, Wow! I could so get into that."

"Of that, I have no doubt."

" Be that as it may, I think having a couple of these would come in handy." he said, pulling the ski mask off of his head, static electricity causing his hair to stand on end.

"Yeah, You're probably right." she said, her hand reaching to smooth down his hair and her fingers trailed down to cup his cheek.

His eyes went from azure blue to sapphire as he brought his hand up covering hers.

Her breath caught in her throat at the mere touch of his hand, at the shared intimacy that passed between them and he pressed a light kiss to her palm.

"Let's get out of here." he suggested.

"Yeah." she agreed, nodding her head in agreement.

Rick tossed 3 or 4 of the ski masks into his overflowing cart and they continued on their way.

The lines at the checkouts were packed, but they managed to find one that only had a few people in front of them. Rick gestured for her to go ahead of him.

Hesitantly, she went before him. She didn't know why she should suddenly feel so embarrassed that he would see the underwear she had buried in the bottom of her cart, but she was. Her thoughts raced ahead as she tried to think of a way to distract him while the cashier rang it up and bagged it, but nothing short of PDA came to mind and that just didn't seem right to her.

He must know that she'd need them, but there was just something that seemed off about him seeing panties and bras that she wasn't even wearing and it was strange that she would feel that way considering she had been entertaining thoughts of seducing him just a few minutes ago.

They moved forward in the line and when it came her turn, she was still at a loss for a distraction technique.

"Richard Castle, as I live and breathe!" exclaimed a shrill, female voice behind Rick.

He tensed, grimaced, rolled his eyes before turning his charming smile toward the woman behind him.

"Yes, it's me, and I don't mean to be rude, but could you lower your voice a little? I'm here on a personal matter and would rather not anyone know." Rick said.

"I'm sorry. It's just that I'm so excited to finally meet you. I'm your biggest fan and I just bought 'Heat Rises'. Would you be so kind as to autograph it for me?"

"Of course. Do you have a pen?"

Kate saw her opportunity and dug the underwear out from the bottom of the cart and rapidly handed them to the cashier, hoping that she would bag them quickly.

"I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to be rude, but…" Rick said apologizing again to the woman behind him.

"No, I understand and your secret is safe with me." the woman droned on in a lower voice.

"Who shall I make it out to?" he asked.

The conversation droned on behind her and Kate breathed a sigh of relief as the cashier finished bagging her underwear and continued ringing up her purchases, Rick still engaged with the fan behind him too busy to notice.

As the cashier was ringing up her final purchases, Kate pulled her credit card from her purse and suddenly Rick grabbed her wrist.

"Don't even think about it. This is on me."

"No, Rick! It's fine. I've got a decent savings, a good line of credit…"

" And it's going to stay that way." She opened her mouth to protest, but Rick put his index finger against her lips. " Please, Kate. You wouldn't be here if it weren't for me. I've got this. Besides, since we're progressing, you're going to have to get used to me buying you things."

"I don't have an issue with that, at least for movie dates, dinners, but not my clothes…"

"Uhh, correct me if I'm wrong, but I have bought you clothes before and I did a pretty damn good job at it as I recall."

"Yeah, you did, but that..."

"I hate to interrupt, but I don't care who pays, as long as I get the money." the cashier said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry. Here." Rick said, smiling his most winning smile, winking at the cashier as he thrust some bills toward her.

"Fine, but I'm paying you back every cent when we get back to Manhattan." Kate huffed.

She gathered her purchases and stood at the end of the checkout as Rick made his purchases and amused herself with people watching while she waited.

As soon as they cleared the detectors at the store's entrance, Rick took her hand and pulled her to a bench.

The automatic doors opened with more people coming in, bringing an icy blast of frigid air in with them.

"Let's stop here and put our parkas on before we go back out there." he said.

She loved her denim jacket, but it was not nearly warm enough for this weather. Nodding her agreement, she removed the parka and Rick held it open for her, closing the short span of distance between them.

She tried to tamp down the tingling sensations that raced through her body as his fingers grazed the nape of her neck as he reached behind her and pulled her hair free from the back of the parka.

Her gaze flew to his, the smoldering flame she saw in his eyes had her aching for his touch. Her gaze left his eyes and flicked to his lips.

Shivers of anticipation ran down her spine as he brought up the hood of her parka and secured it beneath her chin, his gaze raking over her.

"God, you're beautiful." he said, hoarsely, his eyes luminous. God, she loved him!

Before she could respond, he pulled her abruptly against him and lowered his head, kissing her thoroughly, slipping his tongue into the cavern of her mouth, his tongue caressing the roof of her mouth seeking, exploring.

She yielded to his kiss eagerly, winding her arms tightly around his neck, pressing herself as close as the barriers of their clothing would allow. PDA's be damned!

He moaned her name into her mouth before breaking off the kiss, their breathing harsh and ragged completely unaware of people beginning to stare.

"Leaning his forehead against hers, he husked, "Let's get back to the cabin."

She smiled up at him, trailing her fingertips down the side of his face, she nodded.

"Yeah. Let's go."

TBC

A/N: Okay. Going to leave this chapter and move onto chapter 7. So sorry for the delay in this chapter. I'm not used to writing in this vein so I stressed over it, re wrote it until I was somewhat pleased with what I had written. Chapter 7 will contain adult themes and situations. While it won't be sexually explicit, it will be more suggestive. I'm not sure what the parameters on FF are concerning M and T ratings are so to stay on the safe side, I'm going to rate it a strong T, possible M.

That being said, I want to thank you all for your reviews and comments, which reduced me to a puddle of tears of pure happiness. I was completely blown away by your responses and continued support of this story. Thank you all so very much.


	7. Chapter 7

For The Love of Kate Chapter 7

A/N: Once again, you have my apologies for being so late for posting this chapter. I had originally promised a more in depth love scene for Kate and Rick and it's coming, I promise.

As I was writing this, it occurred to me that for the sake of the story that it needed more build up and this is what came to mind. I hope that you all will forgive me for changing mid stream and hope you enjoy it.

I have always been a fan of Janette Oke books and movies and in one of her "Love Comes Softly" series there was a scene like the one Rick describes to Kate. Other than that one reference this is completely AU.

Hope you are all still with me and enjoying the story so far. For all of you who took the time to read, favor, follow and review you have no idea how much your words and support of this story means to me and I thank you with all my heart.

I recently acquired a new Castle friend on Facebook who took the time to read and then send me a lovely and encouraging message through Messenger and to whom I will only reference to as S O. I am so glad to have met this lovely woman who I now consider a great friend and I'm so glad to call 'friend'.

Ok. Onto the story.

A mixture of rain and sleet had begun falling while they had been in Walmart, the wind howling around the store front as she waited with their purchases while Rick went to bring the Escalade ES to the loading area.

As soon as they had cleared the store's scanners, they had began pulling the matching olive green Parkas, the lined leather gloves and the woolen scarves out of their bags and pulling them on.

An involuntary shudder that had nothing to do with the temperature and everything to do with the way he'd kissed her, leaving her weak in the knees had her fingers fluttering to her lips at the memory of it, warming her body and heating her cheeks.

She normally scoffed at such public displays of affection and had never, ever allowed it from any of the guys she dated, yet, with Rick…, well, with Rick, it was different, he was different, and not only had she allowed it, she had welcomed it.

Kate was jolted from her musings as a tall, distinguished gentleman came barreling through the automatic sliding doors, bringing the biting wind with him, stumbling into their carts and accidentally, inadvertently sent one of the carts to bump into her side.

She gasped more out of surprise than the pain of having the cart come crashing into her side.

"Oh, excuse me, miss. I'm so sorry. I was checking the shopping list my wife sent me on my phone instead of paying attention to where I was going."

"It's fine. No harm done." she replied, smiling up at the man.

"Excuse me. You look vaguely familiar, have we ever met before?" he asked, his gaze raking over her face.

Well, shit! There it was. Again!

"Uh, no. I'm sure... not." she stammered.

"Are you sure? You look so familiar. I never forget a face." he said, then snapping his fingers, "I know! You're that cop that got shot in Manhattan a few months ago."

"No, I'm not. You must have me confused with someone else. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go now." she answered, rather curtly as she noticed Rick pulling up to the loading zone. She really did't mean to be so rude, but she didn't want the notoriety and really? How could people recognize her from such a grainy image in newspapers?

Heaving an exasperated sigh of frustration, she grasped a cart, curling her fingers around the edge of one and pulling the other behind her, she stepped around the man and stepped into the freezing rain and sleet.

Rick was standing at the rear of the Escalade folding the rear seats down to stow their cargo in the back cargo area and therefore had his back to her as she approached..

"Whatever you do, do not look back." she cautioned at his side.

"What? What do you mean?"

"I was just recognized in the store."

"Well, your shooting did make national news." he said, straightening and turning to take a bag from a cart which was positioned right behind him.

"Don't Look!" she exclaimed.

"I'm not looking, but I have to look to see what I'm doing."

"I'll hand the bags to you, but don't look! I know how bad the media circus is and I don't want any part of that." she said, passing him another bag.

"So, what happened?" he asked, taking another bag from her and putting it in the back of the Escalade.

"While I was waiting for you, a man who had his face buried in his phone crashed into me. He was polite and apologetic, but then he asked if we'd ever met before and I told him no, I didn't think so. Then he snapped his fingers and said that he never forgets a face, then he said I was the detective that had been shot."

"So he recognized you from the pictures in the papers."

"Yeah. I mean… I guess so. He didn't mention you or the Nikki Heat books and he referred to my shooting. But that's not the point. The point is that I don't want all this attention. It's not who I am." she said, passing him another bag.

"I hear you, loud and clear. I don't like the media frenzy anymore than you do. I get it, I do. You like to play close to the vest, keeping your private life... well, private."

"Yes. Exactly"

"I respect that, honey, but you do realize that having to deal with the publicity mongers is a job requirement in my line of work and if there is to be an 'us', you're going to have to accept that and learn to live with that."

"Oh, I know and I do accept that part of your life…, it's just… well, no Nobu's or Le Cirques, or five star restaurants, okay? Maybe we can just keep things simple… at least for awhile?"

"Okay. Yes, we can do simple. I know some simple, out of the way Italian places that serve incredible food and their desserts are out of this world. Yes, we can do simple and private."

"Good. I like the sound of that."

"That being said, I can't control the gossip mongers nor the press and media, but we can down play it for awhile, if that makes you more comfortable."

"Thank you. It does make me feel more at ease. I know that we're not going to be able to keep this secret between us forever and that's not what I'm asking for. I just need a little time to adjust, that's all."

"One step at a time, Kate. We'll make it, I promise. But when we get back to the city, I want to take you out on a real date. Maybe to that little Italian place I was just telling you about. We could have dinner, see a movie, then go to 'The Old Haunt' for a nightcap."

"That sounds perfect. I'd love that."

* * *

The snow came in huge, white flakes, swirling around in a frenzy, the blinding whiteness reflected back at them through the glare of the Escalade headlights.

The snow had started as they left the parking lot at Walmart and had fallen steadily since.

There was no physical contact between them as Rick needed both hands on the steering wheel and Kate missed the warmth of his hand in hers.

"You okay?" she asked, casting a sideways glance at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just wish all of this had held off until we were safely ensconced in the cabin."

"Yeah, me too." she said, laying her hand on top of his thigh.

He briefly removed his hand from the steering wheel to cover her hand with his and gently squeezed her fingers reassuringly before returning it to the steering wheel.

When they finally arrived at the cabin, Rick pulled the Escalade as close to the front deck as possible to unload the car quicker and they wouldn't have to be out in the inclement weather any longer than they had to be.

"Here." he said, fishing the key out of his pocket. "You go inside and turn the heat on. I'm pretty sure we just flicked it on to see if it worked or not and then flicked it back off. It's going to be cold in there. While you're doing that, I'm going to start unloading. I'll unload it onto the deck and then go pull the Escalade in the garage then we'll wrangle this stuff into the house."

"Okay." she replied, taking the key from his fingers, opening the car door herself and climbing out.

The Interior of the cabin was cold and dark due to the gray, cloudy overcast skies and they hadn't left any lights or heat on so Kate had to run her hands blindly along the walls to find the light switches

It was a slow process and took her longer than she'd hoped for, but she finally stumbled into an end table against a wall, nearly knocking over a lamp in the process, but managed to keep it from toppling over completely after banging her shin painfully against the corner of the table.

"OW! Damn it!" she muttered as she caught the lamp before it hit the floor.

"You okay in there?" Rick asked from the doorway. "I bought these flashlights in case there was a power outage."

Seriously? Why couldn't he have told her that and produced one before she banged her shin?

"Sorry. I forgot about them until I found the bag they were in." he continued, clicking the flashlight on just as her hand found the lamp switch.

"Good to know." she commented wryly. "I'm glad you thought about them though. I hope you bought plenty of batteries." she added with less snark.

"Oh, don't worry. I did. I bought a ton of batteries."

The light of the lamp cast a soft golden illumination to the room, but definitely not enough light to read by if one was trying to read, but she needed to locate the thermostat, not read.

Locating the thermostat on the opposite wall, she made her way to it and clicked it on, raising the thermostat to 80 degrees to dispel the coldness.

For a brief moment, they waited with bated breath until the heating system hummed to life. "Voila! Let there be light and heat!" she said, as she sauntered over to Rick's side and they began the task of unloading their purchases production line style.

* * *

The weather had worsened as they sorted through the things they had bought from Walmart and put things in the proper rooms so to say that she was surprised when Rick stood and started shrugging into his Parka and bundling up to face the elements of the weather was the understatement of the year.

"What are you doing? I thought you'd already put the SUV in the garage."

"I did, but we need firewood and Dan said that there is a shed on the property that already has firewood and kindling in it."

"Rick, you cannot possibly be thinking about going out there! Look at what it's doing out there! There are three different sheds out there and we have no idea which one is the right one. Besides, we have heat."

"We have heat for now, but Kate, we have no clue if Mike's brother-in-law has been here to check the fuel supply and hook up the generator. And if he hasn't and the power goes out…"

He was right, of course, but the thought of him going out into a blinding snow storm, not knowing where he was going… People were known to get confused and lost in their own front yards, just feet away from their own homes in weather like this. And that was with people who were familiar with the lay of their own land, much less someone who didn't.

"Then, I'll go with you." she said, reaching for her parka still draped on the arm of the couch.

"No. Kate, I appreciate your concern, there's no need for both of us to be out in this." he said, gently taking her parka from her fingers and tossing it onto the couch., tucking two fingers beneath her chin and raising her eyes to meet his.

"Rick, please, don't…" she pleaded on a half sob, a lump of anxiety clogging her throat, making it difficult to breathe, the feelings of fear, worry uneasiness sending icy shivers down her spine.

"I have to, Kate. I'll be fine, but I need you to stay here. If I'm not back in fifteen minutes, I need you to find a metal pot in the kitchen and a metal spoon, stand in the kitchen doorway and beat the hell out of the bottom of that pot with that spoon, at least in fifteen or twenty time intervals. Wait to a count of ten and do it again. Keep repeating that. I'll hear that and it will lead me back here"

"Are you kidding me? With the way that wind is howling? What makes you think you'll be able to hear that?" she asked incredulously.

"You're not going to like the answer to that."

"Try me." she challenged.

"Okay, but you have to hear me out before you nix the idea and it's the best I've got right now."

"Okay, let's hear it."

"I watched a television movie one time where a man had to go out in a blizzard and he told his young daughter to do this if he wasn't back in a few minutes. The man did get lost and confused in the blizzard, but it was his daughter banging on that pan that led him home."

"Rick, this is reality, not some made for tv movie." she said, exasperated.

"You have any better ideas?" he asked.

Shaking her head slowly, she said, "No. Sadly, not at this time." her voice so low and soft it was almost inaudible.

"So, you'll do it?"

"I'll do it. I don't see where we have much of a choice." she replied.

"Okay, then. It's only going to get worse before it gets better. I'd better go. Kate, we'll be okay, I promise. We will get through this."

"I know." she said, taking a stuttering breath, wishing she felt more confident about it.

She watched as he tugged one of the ski masks on top of his head, but not yet obscuring his face, pulled on his gloves, grabbed one of the flashlights/ lanterns before wrapping an arm around her waist and drawing her into his side.

She smiled up at him hoping that her nervousness didn't show and wrapping her arm around his waist, they walked to the doors in the kitchen that led to the back deck.

At the doors that swung out onto the back deck he spun her in his arms, pulling their bodies flush against each other leaving no space between them except the barrier of their clothing.

"If anything happens and this…"

"Don't even think that, Rick! You WILL be back!" She cried.

Cupping her face in his palms, he lowered his head and kissed her hard and so very thoroughly, sweeping his tongue in the cavern of her mouth, hungrily, sending shivers of desire running up and down her spine.

"Whatever happens or doesn't happen, I need you to know that I love you, Kate. I've always loved you and the fact that you're even here with me now, astounds me. I will be back."

Winding her arms around his neck, pressing herself as close as possible to him, she clung to him like a drowning swimmer clings to a life saver.

"Rick, I… I…." Damn it! Why couldn't she say the words that she longed to say, especially now as he was baring his heart and soul to her? It was three words, it shouldn't be this hard. She loved him, really loved him, so why couldn't she just tell him now when it seemed so important?

Her heart was so full and yet, her mouth was so dry, clogged with all the things she wanted to say, but couldn't.

Leaning back slightly in his arms without breaking the contact of their bodies pressed so intimately close, her eyes brimming with tears she softly caressed the side of his face.

"You'd better be! I'll be here waiting." she said, hoping she sounded more confident than she felt.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, she stood on her tiptoes to press a light kiss to the corner of his mouth as she tugged the ski mask on down his head and raised the hood of his Parka, her fingers lightly brushing the side of his face as she did so.

He captured her fingers as they trailed down the side of his face and brought them to his lips to press a light kiss to her fingers and the palm of her hand.

"I need to go now, but Kate, I will be back."

"I know. And I can't wait...J-Ju- Just be careful out there, okay?" she said, tremulously.

He nodded and with that, he reached for the door handle behind her and opened the door, with their arms wrapped around each other's waist, they stepped out onto the back deck.

At the bottom of the steps, he turned and gave her a tremulous smile and waved one last wave before disappearing into the blinding snow storm.

She stood beneath the overhang of the roof on the deck, watching until he was enveloped in the blinding snow and when she couldn't see his dark form nor the reflection of the beam of his flashlight any longer, she turned and went back into the house.

* * *

Pacing across the kitchen floor countless times was not helping the uneasiness in the pit of her stomach, nor the nausea, nor her dry mouth or any of the other nervous sensations she was experiencing right now. Nor was it keeping her mind from going to all the ways this could all go so horribly wrong.

Oh, God! She remembered standing at the kitchen window overlooking the back yard and outer buildings. Beech Hill Pond was just beyond the outer buildings. What if he became confused and wandered into Beech Hill Pond and couldn't get himself out?

As if she weren't anxious enough already, the thought of him being out there AND being wet and frozen? Her anxiety levels were already off the chart and they had just increased ten fold.

Kate glanced at her watch. He'd only been gone for three minutes and her mind was conjuring up all kinds of worse scenarios. This was not helping at all. She needed to do something to keep busy and keep her mind focused on getting him back safely.

As of right now, they still had electricity so she'd light every room in the house with the hope that it would be a beacon and help lead him in the right direction, but first she needed to find a metal pot and spoon.

She prowled about the kitchen looking for the utensils, jerking open every cabinet drawer and door until she found a copper bottomed pan in a cabinet of the kitchen island and a metal spoon in a utensil drawer next to the range.

Moving on, she set the pot and metal spoon on the cabinet next to the kitchen sink. While she was there, she squinted into the gloom trying to catch the reflection of his flashlight beam. Nothing!

She checked her watch again. He'd only been gone for five minutes, but those five minutes had dragged by.

Okay. She'd try not to worry for a bit longer. She needed to focus on the positive side of things. He WOULD be back. He was smart and resourceful. Okay, he'd be wet and cold and need nourishment and the hotter the better. In case of Hypothermia or near Hypothermia, she would need to see to it that he was warmed from the inside out.

She remembered placing some canned soups in the pantry earlier so she soured the pantry until her eyes landed on two cans of Tomato Soup. Okay. It wouldn't be gourmet, but at least it would be hot and once Rick was back safe and sound, she could make Grilled Cheese Sandwiches to go along with it.

Setting the cans on the counter top next to the range, she once again prowled the kitchen for a saucepan for the soup and a griddle for the sandwiches.

Once she found all that she needed, she set about the house, flipping on as many lights as she could, hoping that he'd be able to see them and find his way back.

At the foot of the stairs, she drew in a deep breath, trying to dispel all the disturbing thoughts of all the possible ways this could go sideways on them

Focus, Kate! She mentally reminded herself. He'll need all the warmth you can provide. He'll need warm blankets and dry clothing.

Taking another deep breath and trying to swallow around the lump of nerves at the back of her throat, and calm the erratic beat of her heart she climbed the stairs with faltering steps.

At the linen closet they had discovered earlier, she removed two blankets and a couple of towels and proceeded to the Master Bedroom hesitating before she went inside.

Normally, she wouldn't dream of rummaging through his things, but he would need clean, dry clothing and desperate times called for desperate measures. Surely, he would understand and be thankful for it. Hopefully, he'd forgive her for what she was about to do.

She glanced at her watch before entering the room. Ten minutes had gone by, leaving her with only five minutes left before she needed to be at the kitchen doorway, banging on that damned pot.

Time was moving on and she felt an overwhelming need to do this. She advanced into the room and headed to the small case he'd brought with him and he had haphazardly tossed onto the bed while they put supplies away.

With trembling fingers she unzipped the case and after pilfering through it, came across a pair of dark blue plaid flannel pajama pants and a tee-shirt.

She ran her hand across the neatly folded tee-shirt and thought about all the times she'd placed a restraining hand against his chest trying to hold him at bay. The way his chest felt beneath her cheek as they'd huddled together for warmth in the freezer container just a few months ago. Hell, for that matter just a few minutes ago. The feel of his hands at her hips when he'd pulled their bodies so intimately close.

Stop it, Kate! she chided herself once again. This was not the time for fantasizing about nor reflecting on what it would feel like to lovingly trail her fingertips down his bare chest or imagining what his reaction would be as she pressed a kiss against his chest.

Shaking herself from her musings, she set the pajama bottoms and tee-shirt to the side and continued her search until she found a pair of woolen socks and a pair of very expensive silk boxers. Thomas Nash.

Her mind took her back to a year ago about the time she started seeing Josh, a young man from The Steam Punk Society had been found murdered in Central Park and robbed of his clothes, left clad only in his boxers. Rick had commented that he had the same pair. Soft as silk. Then he'd asked her what she wore. Like she would have answered that one!

A nervous rumble of laughter filled filled her chest and escaped as she recalled him trying to guess as she walked away. Cheekies, Bloomers, Granny Panties? Commando?

One day, you'll find out, Rick. Maybe not tonight, or tomorrow, or even a month from now, but one day soon, you'll find out.

Shoving her thoughts aside, she finished the task at hand and went back downstairs where she would put the blankets and towels into the dryer to heat them up and once again take up post at the kitchen window to wait and watch and if necessary, step out onto the back deck to beat on a cooper bottomed pan with all of her might.

A/N: Okay. Going to leave this chapter here and begin chapter 8. I thought this would give me something to launch the next chapter off of. I know that as an author, I'm supposed to show and not tell and I'm going to just stick to that and let the story lead where it will, but I believe that chapter 8 will be a telling, pivotal chapter and I hope you'll all stick around with me.

Hope you've all enjoyed this chapter as much I enjoyed writing it and I think the story needed a boost, so that's why there was a change of plans mid chapter.

Thank you all for all your comments, reviews, favorites and follows. You guys are the BEST! Thank you for your continued support.


	8. Chapter 8

For The Love of Kate Chapter 8

A/N: This chapter was not complete until tonight and might seem a little rushed or off, but in light of today's devastating news, I felt compelled to get this up. Still reeling with it all, but hopefully this will come out okay. This chapter contains slight mentions in 'Heat Rises'. so if you haven't read the book, you have been warned. The references are toward the end of the chapter and will be the only ones mentioned in this story. Also, as I was doing some editing, I went to save the changes and had to re sign in and I have no idea if they were saved, so if the words become unreadable at any point, please let me know so I can correct it. Thank yo.

Thank you all as always for your favs, follows, comments and reviews. I apologize for not being able to respond to all of you due to glitches and lapses in my Internet provider, but hopefully, it's all straightened out now. Okay, here we go.

After she'd put the blankets and towels in the dryer to warm them, she took up watch again at the kitchen window and all she could see was blinding white, swirling snow and a curtain of gloom.

She checked her watch again. Three minutes left. She moved to the kitchen island and found a saucepan to heat the soup in. After opening the cans, she emptied them into the pan and set it on the burner on the lowest heat setting before moving back to the window.

Come on, Rick. Please, come on. Still nothing. No sign of him. She wasn't waiting any longer. Fifteen minutes was entirely too long. She was going out there.

She left the window and headed to the living room where her Parka still lay on the end of the couch where Rick had tossed it. Quickly shrugging into it, she grabbed her gloves and one of the new woolen scarves and headed out. As she headed for the French doors, she grabbed the copper bottomed pot and metal spoon on her way out.

Out on the deck, she scanned what little of the horizon she could see through the heavy curtain of falling snow. Nothing! Still Nothing! Not even a flicker of a flashlight beam.

She cautiously made her way to the bottom of the steps, gasping as the frigid air buffeted her, stealing her breath and tried once again to scan the horizon. Damn it, Rick! Where are you? Still nothing.

Raising the pot and spoon out from her body slightly, she banged the spoon against the bottom of the pot with all of her might, the clang of the metal spoon against the pot deafening and seeming to echo into the wind, the effort jarring her entire body.

Still nothing! Damn it, Rick! We should have taken our chances together inside. Please, be okay, Rick. Come on. Come on.

Now, nearly in tears, she held the pot and spoon aloft, beating the two together again.

Wait! Was that him? A hunched figure seemed to be approaching her, but the figure became obscured again through the curtain of heavily falling snow. Maybe she was seeing things.

She began her sequence of beating spoon against pot once more, not even waiting for the count of ten again.

After this repetition, she looked to the horizon again and this time she thought she caught a glimpse of a flashlight beam, but it was still too far away to tell, the beam not very bright.

After another sequence of beats, the beam of the flashlight appeared again and this time, she saw a huddled form behind the flashlight. Why was he hunched over? Was he hurt?

Encouraged, that she could see him moving toward her, she continued consistently beating on the pot until he was standing only a couple of feet away.

Relief swept through her and she launched herself at him, dropping pot and spoon to the snow covered ground as soon as he was within arms length, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Slowly he brought his arms to wrap around her waist, his movements slow and stiff due to the extreme cold.

Now, she could see that he wasn't hurt and that he wasn't as hunched over as she'd thought a few moments ago, but still slightly hunched due to the weight he had strapped around his mid section.

Resourceful. He had apparently found some heavy duty canvas out there and had managed to harness it around his waist to drag it behind him, leaving his hands free to carry his flashlight in one hand while attempting to keep his woolen scarf in place in the wind.

Sliding her hand down from his neck to his shoulder and down to link their gloved fingers together, she stepped out of his embrace to tug him toward the warmth and safety of the cabin.

Between the two of them, well, mostly Rick as he refused to let her help much, they managed to wrangle the heavy load behind him up onto the deck and the shelter of the overhang of the roof.

Once inside the kitchen, she turned and removed the hood of his Parka, his ski mask and gloves, quickly removing her own outerwear simultaneously as she went.

"Are you okay?"

"Ju- Jus- Just Co- Cold." he replied, his teeth chattering from the cold.

"I was so worried.", she said, turning for the laundry room only to return with a dry, warm towel and a heated blanket fresh from the dryer.

Surprisingly, his hair was dry, but for the sake of the warmth, she threw the towel around his head, quickly followed by the blanket around his shoulders.

She led him to the breakfast nook and encouraged him to sit in one of the chairs at the small kitchen table.

He watched, wide- eyed and slack jawed as she grasped the hem of her shirt and pulled it halfway up her torso to reveal her mid-drift , taking his hands and placing them against her skin.

"Ka- Kat- K-ate?"

"It's okay. You need the warmth.", she replied, trying to suppress the chills that ran down her spine, but failing to do so.

She shuddered, whether it was from the icy cold of his fingers against her bare skin or raw pure desire, she didn't know.

As she shivered, he attempted to pull his hand away, but she stopped him. "What's wrong, Rick? You aren't afraid to touch me, are you? Is my scar that repulsive?" Now where in the hell did that come from, she wondered.

"What? No! You could never be repulsive, Kate. I know that you're scarred, but that doesn't change who you are It's a part of you, but it doesn't define who you are and just knowing that only reminds me of everything we've been through together and survived. To answer your other question, yes, I'm afraid to touch you, in that manner. Afraid of where that will lead, afraid that I won't be able to stop when I want to do so much more, but I want you to be sure that you're ready. We'll get there and when we do, it will be amazing."

Wait! He had been so sweet and affectionate all this time and now he was pulling away? What the hell was happening? It was mortifying to her and she thought he loved her. His actions sure as hell weren't showing her anything. And if he didn't want to be with her, why the hell had he asked her to come all the way up here. Was he implying that she was rushing things? Was she? Was she as ready as she thought she was? Was he ready?

It wasn't what he'd said, but actions speak louder than words and in that moment, his ILY words were meaningless if not a bald faced lie that he used as a pick up line, but more wondering if his implications were correct that had her moving away from him. She needed to think about this.

"Wow! I guess you just set that bar a lot higher, didn't you? And just when I was beginning to think that you were sincere about loving me...there's Tomato Soup on the stove. It should warm you up.", she said, backing away from him and spinning on her heel.

"Kate…"

"I hope you don't mind , but I had the best of intentions so there's warm clothing for you over there."

"Kate…"

"You know what? I'm going to go take a shower while we still have electricity and hot water."

"Kate, please. What did I say?" His question fell on deaf ears as she retreated from the room without even looking back.

What the hell just happened? What did he say or do that had her running away from him again? He didn't think he'd said anything offensive.

Obviously he'd said something wrong, but what? He thought they'd been making progress but he guessed not. Apparently not to have her retreating from him like that.

Could she be thinking that he was upset with her for bringing him dry, warm clothing?

No, it couldn't be that because she just mentioned it as she was pulling away. And how could he possibly be angry that she'd done that when she'd had the best possible intentions.

Maybe he should go after her and ask her what was wrong. Talk to her. On second thought, maybe he should just give her some space.

He just wished he knew what went wrong and how to fix it. How the hell had it reverted back to this in the span of mere moments?

* * *

Was he right? Was she, or more likely were they ready to take it to the next level? Was she trying to rush things? What part of four years was rushing things? And she had only been trying to warm his hands, right? Or had she?

Why hadn't she just asked him what he meant instead of jumping to her own conclusions? She thought she was through with running and hiding, but in essence, isn't that what she had just done?

Hadn't they promised to be more open and honest with each other? To tell each other exactly what was on their minds, openly express what they were feeling?

She had just failed on everything they had promised each other and instead of helping to move them forward had just sent them right back to square one. She'd pulled away because of her own insecurities and had over reacted.

She needed to go downstairs and try to make things right between them again. If that was even possible. And she would as soon as she had a relaxing bath to calm down and screw up the courage to go down and talk to him.

* * *

Dressed in a faded pair of black leggings and a Royal Blue satin nightshirt, she took a deep breath and headed downstairs.

Upon hearing her footfall land on the creaky stair riser, Rick scrambled up from a pallet he had made on the living room floor in front of the fireplace where he had built a fire, clad in the dry clothing she had gotten for him earlier, his hair slightly damp. He must have come upstairs at some point and showered.

"Kate…"

"Hey, Castle. Look. I'm sorry. I reacted badly and I'm sorry."

I don't understand. What did I say? What did I do?"

"You did nothing wrong. It's… It's… It's just when you tried to pull away from me…"

"Come here." He said, opening his arms in invitation.

Hesitantly, she took faltering steps until she was standing right in front of him.

Pulling her into his embrace, he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his cheek against the top of her head.

"I don't have to see your scars to know that they're there. I could never find you repulsive, Kate. In my eyes, you are still so beautiful and no scar is ever going to change that nor lessen what I feel for you. I love you, Kate, I always have and always will."

"Then why did you try to pull away?" The question was so soft it was almost inaudible.

He pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, tightening his arms around her waist. "Because it takes every ounce of self control I can muster up to reign myself in when I want to do so much more.. Used to be that I had no qualm about taking a beautiful woman to bed and leave her the next morning. But that was just satisfying a carnal need. That's not me anymore and it's not what I want."

"So what are you wanting, Rick?"

"Something real and tangible based on deep feelings of mutual love and respect for each other."

"Do you think we have that?"

"Well, I can only speak for myself here, but I know that I do. I only hope that you do, too. I want real and lasting and hopefully you want that, too."

"So, are you having second thoughts about me, about us?" She asked quietly.

"No. As long as we're on the same page, but I need to know that we're in this for the long haul, because to me, nothing less will do.."

"We are," she replied, softly. "I want that, too."

"Good. Now, the reason, the only reason I pulled away was because I wanted to sweep you up in my arms and carry you to the nearest flat surface. I still want that, but at the same time, I don't want you to feel pressured into doing something that you may regret later, or something that you're not ready for and I want it to be for the right reason"

"It will be and we are on the same page, wanting the same thing."

"Good. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm a little hungry and I think we should re heat that soup, make some Grilled Cheese sandwiches and have dinner because if we keep standing here like this… we may not make it to dinner."

"Okay. Come on. Let's go", she chuckled.

Dinner was light and easy just as their conversation and they returned to their usual, comfort and ease of simply enjoying being together. It was as if nothing had happened earlier'

They worked in tandem reheating the soup and making the sandwiches. They worked well together and made a good team.

They had dinner in the Breakfast Nook, sitting across from each other, the fingers of their free hands laced together, resting on the end of the small table.

She picked up half of her sandwich and offered him a bite, which he leaned across the table, taking the bite from her fingers, his lips brushing against her fingers, sending currents of electricity racing through her.

Their gazes met and locked. Smiling at the crumb of bread that had landed on his lip at the corner of his mouth, she leaned in closer and kissed him, removing the offending crumb, her tongue slipping between his lips and sweeping the inside of his mouth.

The half sandwich Kate had been holding in her fingers slipped from her grasp and landed on the table between them with a soft plop, narrowly missing the rim of the edge of his soup bowl

"Sorry." She muttered, giggling against his lips, his own laugh vibrating against hers.

"It's okay. I'm glad I have this effect on you, Kate." he said, the teasing light dancing in his eyes.

"Shut up. You don't have to be so smug about it." She said, her voice lacking her usual snark, leaning back against her chair.

He chuckled and took a bite of his soup. Dabbing his lips with his napkin, he asked, "So, what would you like to do after dinner?"

Shrugging, she answered, "Oh, I don't know. Read?"

"I didn't bring any books to read."

"Well, it's a good thing I brought 'Heat Rises' with me, then."

"Wait! You want me to read my own book to you?"

"Nooo. Not read it to me, but don't you think it would be fun to read it together?"

Reading his own book that he had spent months writing, not to mention all the memories it would dredge up for both of them was not his idea of fun.

"Kate…. Doing that will, it… will dredge up… it's got the murder of Nikki's Captain in there. Do you really want to dredge those feelings back up?"

"I gathered that from the dedication, which I like by the way. But, it's your book, written about fictional characters based on us so of course, I want to read it, Rick. Tell me, does Nikki's Captain die an honorable man?"

Rick nodded, slowly. "He does. It doesn't seem that way at first, but he dies honorable, his reputation and feelings toward Nikki all in tact and she finds justice for his murder."

"And Nikki and Rook?"

"Are in a romantic relationship, but Kate, there are other events in there that I had no idea of at the time I was writing this."

"What kind of events?"

He dragged in a deep breath and held it, his chest tightening with dread before answering, "Trained, professional, killers go gunning for Nikki in Central Park."

There. He'd said it. The things he'd dreaded most about her reading now out in the open.

A heavy silence fell between them. His stomach tied in knots as he saw the fear, the grief welling in her eyes'

He reached out and took her trembling hands in his, surprised that she didn't pull away from him..

Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, he squeezed her hands and said, "It's fiction, Kate, not reality. Granted, fiction that somehow turned into our reality, but still fiction. Still want to read it?"

"Yes, and I'd really enjoy it if we read it together… I'm not sure I could get through it without you and I'm not sure that I'm ready to read about the murder part, just yet, but maybe the first few chapters?"

"I'll be right by your side to hold and comfort you through the tough parts and we can always put the book down if it gets too difficult for you at any time.."

"Okay. Thanks."

"It will be fine as long as we keep our minds open and don't lose our perspectives."

* * *

They finished their dinner in easy conversation and their usual banter. It was comfortable and felt so right.

After dinner, Rick offered to help with the clean up, but she told him that there was no need. There was so little to do.

"I can handle this, Rick. There's only a couple of bowls and spoons, a pot and two small plates to wash and a quick wipe down of the range, table, and counter and I'll be done. Why don't you bring in some more wood and kindling while I do this? It won't take five minutes to clean up."

"Okay, if you're sure. Then, when we get finished we can pop some popcorn and just relax in front of the fire."

"Sounds good to me.", she replied, kissing him softly before rising and beginning the task at hand.

A few minutes later he reappeared at her side smelling of pine and smoke, the musky, masculine smell of his cologne, for the most part, overriding the odor of the smoke.

"Okay. I'll pop some popcorn and you go get 'Heat Rises' and meet me in the living room."

"Okay." , she replied, nodding and took her leave.

Once in the room she had taken when they had arrived, she set the small carry on bag from home on the bed and rifled through it until she found "Heat Rises'.

Upon finding it, she clutched it to her chest, trying to quell the fear and anxiety that threatened to smother her.

It would be okay as long as she kept an open mind and didn't lose her perspective. Besides, he would be right beside her, keeping her grounded if she needed it.

She knew him, trusted him implicitly and could depend on him. Her chest tightened as she took a deep, calming breath as she clutched the book and headed back downstairs.

He was kneeling on the pallet, stoking the flames in the fireplace when she entered the room.

"You ready?", he asked, rising from his position on the floor. At the nod of her head, he said, "Wherever you'll be most comfortable.", gesturing toward the couch or the pallet.

She smiled and crossed the room and settled on the pallet beside him, plumping couch pillows against the foot of the couch to rest her back against and the bowl of popcorn between them.

"So, how do we do this? Do you want to start and then come to a stopping point and then I take over? And remember, we can stop anytime you feel the least bit uncomfortable."

She pursed her lips and said, "Okay. I'll start."

He noticed a slight tremble in her hand as she ran her fingers down the book cover.

He reached for her other hand and gave her fingers a gentle but firm squeeze. "I'm right here," he assured her.

She nodded, cleared her throat and opened the book and began reading.

At half way down page 10, she marked their place with the fly leaf closed the book, setting it on the other side of her, her brows drawn together in consternation.

"Kate? Honey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, really. It's just…. It's just that Rook left Nikki to go on assignment, telling her that he'd only be gone for 5 days and instead, he's gone for a month and hasn't called her not even once. Now she's wondering where they will be in their relationship when he returns…"

"Okay. I get it. You're seeing the similarities to what we went through, but Kate, I wrote that at the beginning of last year, way before we separated a couple of months ago. That's no reason to be upset."

"I… I'm… I'm not… upset... " her voice trailed off.

"Okay. Fine. You're not upset. Then what are you?"

She blew out a frustrated sigh. "Okay. Fine. I'm upset. I left you for 3 months… Three months, I left you alone, waiting, wondering, worrying…"

"You were off healing, not off on a cruise. You explained that and while I didn't like it… I accept it and I've forgiven you for that…"

"Well, you're doing better than I am because I don't! No matter what, you didn't deserve that kind of treatment. None of you did and especially not you. I was so wrong…"

Rick reached for the bowl of popcorn between them and moved it to the end table beside him. Closing the few inches that separated them, he tugged her to his side, his arm dropping to her shoulders.

"Okay. I see where you're coming from, but that happened. It's in the past and as much as we'd like to go back and change it, we can't. We just need to let that go and move on. Nikki and Rook will beat the odds and find their way and we will, too."

She shifted onto her hip, laying her head on his shoulder and was silent for a few minutes as she mulled over his words. Her posture was still stiff, but not as stiff as a few moments before.

"I nearly broke us for good, Rick. How can I just let that go?"

"By accepting that it's in the past. It's over and done with. And so what? We move on. The important thing to remember and focus on is that we're here together in the here and now. And look where that separation brought us."

Her only response was a weak "Hmm" as she nestled closer into his side.

Her body relaxed and she was so quiet that he wondered if she had gone to sleep, which he would be perfectly fine with. It had been one hell of a day for them and this had to have been tiring for her. What the hell had he been thinking to whisk her off like this?

"Would you have really done it?" she asked softly, guilt still evident in her voice.

"Done what?" he asked, confused.

"Given up your life in New York to become a recluse up here."

Now, how the hell was he supposed to answer that without adding to her remorse, only adding to her guilt? Honestly. That's how. That's what they had promised each other.

"Yes. I was only waiting for Dan and Suzanne to move out so I could come up here and check the place out before I talked to my mother and Alexis."

"I would have found you, you know? I would have stopped at nothing until I found you. Would have wasted valuable police resources…"

His laughter rumbled in his chest, vibrating against her cheek. "Of that… I have no doubt, but now you don't have to because as beautiful as it is up here, I won't be moving up here. New York City is my home. Everything… everyone that I know and love is there, but more importantly, that's where you live, where your life is and I don't want to let you go."

"I don't want you, too. Please, never let me go again." she said, her lips trailing soft, warm kisses up the corded muscles of his neck and nipping at his jaw line.

He was powerless to resist her. Always had been. She was everything he'd ever hoped for in a woman, everything he'd ever dreamed of and more. His love for her knew no bounds and was limitless. All of his hopes and dreams were wrapped up in her and her alone.

He shifted onto his side facing her, drawing her closer into his embrace. The familiar cherry scent of her shampoo assaulted his senses, the perfect alignment of their bodies pressed together felt so right, so natural.

"I want you, Rick." she said, cupping his face in the palm of her hand.

"I want you, too, Kate, but I want you to be sure. Once we take this step, there's no going back."

"I 'm sure. I don't want to go back, Rick. For four years, I've run from my feelings for you and I'm not doing that anymore, nor do I have any desire to. The last few months have been hard on both of us, but I'm sure if Dr. Novaks didn't think I was ready to go back to work and chase down criminals, I'm sure he wouldn't have dismissed me from his care."

This was all he'd ever hoped for, dreamed and fantasied about since the day he'd met her. And here she was laying in his arms so soft and compliant. He loved her, always had.

She moaned his name as he lowered his head and kissed her, his tongue sliding past her parted lips stroking against her tongue and the roof of her mouth.

Sucking her bottom lip into his mouth, she moaned, pressing herself further against him.

All the pent up love, desire, and passion he had for this incredible, beautiful woman consumed him and Rick let go, every ounce of self control fled him as he gave into his love for her.

Kate's fingers slid beneath the hem of his shirt, fluttering against his bare skin, nipping t his jaw line.

"God, I love you, Kate. I love you so much." he husked out, his voice raw and choked with emotion

A/N: I am so sorry for the wait on this chapter. About mid ay through, we got the news about Stana and Tamala and it devastated me, just as it did all of us. It is another sad day for the Castle Fandom as tonight's viewing will be our very last and we say good bye. Fan Fiction has often been my saving grace during long hiatus and writing has meant the world to me

I was so close to giving up during this turmoil, but I can't, so I will go on as long as I can. I am not entirely pleased with this chapter as I lost my way in it and nothing I did seemed to help, so I'm closing this one with the hope that the next one will be better. I hope you're all still with me.

Happy Castle Monday, everyone!


	9. Chapter 9

For The Love of Kate Chapter 9

A/N: Please note that this chapter is rated M. Being a Christian woman, deeply rooted in her faith, this was an uncomfortable chapter to write. This is my first attempt at writing an M rating and as difficult as it was to begin writing this, it became much easier. I tried to get the point across in a classy way without being too smutty and I hope I've accomplished this. My sincerest apologies for being a slow writer and I'm trying to develop some plan to help me with that and right now, the only thing I can come up with is just to write, even if it's only for 15 minutes a couple of times per day. I know some authors who have two or more fics going at once. Unfortunately, I am not one of those, but wish I was. So if you have any advice or insight on how to accomplish this, I'd appreciate it if you passed that along.

Thank you all for your kind words, your continued support, your encouragement, each fav/folow. You guys are the best and I appreciate every one of you.

Rick let go of all his self restraint at her plea, the pleading look in her eyes. He loved her with a depth and intensity that was beyond comprehension. Since the day he'd met her, he'd known that she was different, special. Extraordinary in his eyes and he'd fallen so helplessly and hopelessly in love with her. Never in his life had he loved another woman the way he loved her and he knew in his heart that this was real. She was real and there'd never be anyone else for him.

Lowering his head, he kissed her long and slow, angling her head back to allow himself deeper access into her mouth, allowing his hands to skim the silky fabric of her night shirt.

She moaned softly as he deepened their kiss, rocking her hips into his, their mouths and tongues clashing, stroking, seeking and exploring the recess of each other's mouths, welcoming each other and inviting each other in.

God, this felt so good and right, their bodies so intimately pressed together, the only barrier between them was their clothing

Something between a moan and a whimper escaped her lips as his hand skimmed down her side, pausing at her hip and then traveling down to the back of her leg to lift her leg over his waist for closer access, rocking his hip against her center.

"God, Rick! I need you. I want you." she panted against his lips, her hand dipping beneath the hem of his tee-shirt to feel the heated flesh of his mid-section.

He gasped at her touch and the warmth of her fingers. "It's not too late to stop if you're not ready. I don't want you to have any regrets.", he said brushing the hair away from the sjde of her face.

"The only regret I'll have is if you stop now and if you do that, I will kill you." It was an idle, empty threat and they both knew it.

He chuckled softly, pecking her lips, kissing her forehead, the corners of her eyes. "Shoot me with a gun that I'm reasonably sure you didn't bring with you."

"Who said I'd shoot you? There's a well equipped kitchen behind me that contains lots of sharp knives and I know which part of your anatomy to start with." she said in a sultry, teasing voice, her hand trailing down to his waist, dipping inside to palm him.

" Point taken. God, I love you, Kate. So damned much." he gasped at the silky feel of her hand around him, kneading and stroking him.

"I know." she said softly, wishing she could let go and say the same words back to him and loathing herself for not being able to.

Lowering his head, he kissed her, long and deep, reveling in the feel of their bodies so intimately pressed together, the warmth and feel of their tongues caressing and stroking against each other, exalting in her body's responses to his touch.

He could no longer pull back now if his life depended on it, nor did he want to. For four years e had dreamed of this moment, hoped for it now the time had come for it to become a reality.

Allowing his hand to roam her body, he slipped his hand into the waist of her leggings stroking her waist before trailing further down to stoke against her, but her clothing was to restrictive, too tight.

Disentangling himself from her, he sat up and taking her hand in his, he eased her up, gazing into the green depths of her eyes, eyes so green he could easily and happily drown in.

He leaned in kissing her deeply, his hand sliding beneath her shirt, causing her to shudder in anticipation against the warmth of his hand on her bare skin.

She raised her arms above her head as he eased her nightshirt from her body flinging it somewhere over his shoulder and then he raised his arms so she could do the same. There was something so erotic in undressing each other.

Standing together, they reverently removed each other's pajama bottoms and underwear and Kate lay back on the pallet, stretching her arms out to him.

He raked his gaze over her nude body seductively, a gentle smile turning his lips upwards. "You're even more beautiful than I've ever imagined. Breathtakingly so."

Kneeling at her feet he began kissing his way up her body, sending all sorts of delicious sensations through her body, each kiss and trail of his fingers sending their own shock waves coursing through her, driving her higher and higher until she thought she'd spontaneously combust in flames.

Her hands reached for him in an attempt to draw him back to her. "Please, Rick. I don't know if I can hold back much longer." she panted out.

"In due time. Please, Kate, let me love you the way I've always dreamed about." he said, capturing her hands and holding them firmly but gently above her head. "No holding back, just relax and let go, Kate." he murmured against her sensitive flesh.

No man had ever loved her like this, worshiped and adored her body like this and no man had ever made her feel so loved. If there had ever been any doubt about the love she felt for him, which there never had been, it was eradicated now. She was hopelessly, helplessly, madly in love with him.

Unable to hold back any longer, Kate let go, an intense orgasm wracking her body, her back arching, her entire body quivering with it's intensity, his name escaping from her lips.

He released her hands and moved up her body, claiming her lips again in a sweet, tender kiss.

Brushing her sweat drenched hair away from her face, he dropped a sweet kiss to her temple. "You okay?" he asked.

With her heartbeat still pounding in her ears, her heart thumping erratically against her sternum, her breathing still labored, a gentle smile curved her lips up. "More than okay." she replied.

"Good." he stated before kissing her deeply, robbing her of what little breath she had been able to draw in.

"Love you, Kate.", he whispered at her ear before taking her earlobe into his mouth, biting gently and then laving his tongue over it to soothe it.

He claimed her lips once more in deep, heart stopping, passionate kiss before trailing white hot kisses down the sleek column of her neck and continuing south,, reigniting the flames of love and passion firing within her.

Losing herself in all the delicious sensations and feelings his kisses and his hands invoked as they mapped her body, reducing her once again to a quivering mass of need, want and desire for more of him, Richard Castle did what no man before him had ever accomplished before, and that was to stir her arousal so close from coming off an already intense orgasm.

There on a pallet, snowbound in a cabin in Maine, amid the crackling, popping, and hissing and by flickering flames from the fireplace, Kate and Rick joined themselves heart, mind, body, and spirit.

* * *

They lay quietly together, wrapped in each other's arms, relishing in the newness of their love.

"That was amazing!" Rick exclaimed.

She laughed at his exuberance. "Really? Not quite the word I'd use to describe what we just did. You're a writer and you couldn't come up with a adjective than that?

"Okay, Ms. Wordsmith. What word or phrase would you use?"

"I can't believe we're having this discussion right now, but since you asked, I'd use the word phenomenal."

"Oh. Good one. I must be rubbing off on you."

"Yeah, you're definitely doing that now. In all the best possible of ways." she chuckled softly, trailing her fingers down the side of his jaw, his five o'clock shadow tickling her fingers.

"But seriously, Kate. Thank you."

"For what?"

Capturing her fingers, he brought them to his lips and kissed them. "Oh, for just being you and making me one happy, happy man."

"And you've made me happier than I've ever been before."

He kissed her and cuddled her in closer. "I don't ever want to let you go, Kate."

"I don't want you to, either." she said, nipping at his jaw.

One kiss led to several more, leaving them both panting for more.

Rick untangled himself from her and stood. "Come." he said, extending his hand to her, "let's go upstairs."

She rose and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a long, slow, passionate, loving kiss.

Bracketing her waist, he lifted her up and instinctively her legs wrapped around his waist and he carried her up the stairs.

The first bedroom they came to was the one she had claimed was hers upon their arrival, but now it didn't matter, as long as they were together.

Both were already needy and eager, he set her on unsteady feet and with one arm still wrapped around her waist, he swept the contents of the bed scattering the contents of her purse, the open small weekender case and the bags from Walmart to the floor before tilting her head back for better angle kissing her deeply.

A soft moan bubbled in the back of her throat and escaped past her lips as she pressed herself further into him, rocking her hips against his.

Groaning, he eased her back onto the bed and round 2 ensued.

* * *

The jarring of the bed, a groan, and an uttered curse was not her favorite way to be woke up on any day, much less after the night she had just spent with Rick.

Jolting awake, Kate opened her eyes to see Rick on the floor at the foot of the bed.

"Oh My God! Are you okay? What the hell happened?" she asked, raising to a sitting position, her hand at her chest, her heart beating fast.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I got up to go to the bathroom and my foot got tangled up in something here on the floor."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Kate asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm okay." he replied, still sitting on the floor looking around to see what had tripped him,

A chuckle rumbled through his chest and escaped his lips

"What?" she asked, confused.

"Look who the offender is. Or maybe I should say what the offender is." he laughed, hooking the fabric on his index finger and twirling it, holding it aloft.

The blush crept up her neck and heated her cheeks, her jaw dropping then snapping back in place. as she recognized a pair of satin panties she had thrown into her case before leaving her apartment.

"No need to be embarrassed, honey. I've already seen you, all of you. What? No edible or crotchless panties? I prefer you naked, but it's good to know that you don't wear granny panties, or worse, bloomers." he teased with a shit eating grin.

Mortified, she crawled to the end of the bed and slipped down on the floor to join him, snagging the panties from his extended index finger.

"Seriously? I thought you had somehow matured a bit in my absence. Guess I was wrong. How old are you, 12? It was Walmart, Rick, not Victoria's Secret or Fredericks Of Hollywood." she quipped.

"But, if you're a very good boy, I think I have some things at home that you may find more,,, interesting." she added in a sultry teasing voice, looping her arms around his neck

Leaning into him, she pressed a kiss to his lips. "Good morning" she whispered against his lips.

"Mmm. Morning."

He pulled her into his lap, angling her head back to kiss her deeply while his hands stroked and caressed, mapping out every line and plane of her body, leaving Kate breathless and weak with want and desire, her body humming with it.

Oh god. She wanted him and judging from the way he felt pressed against her, he wanted her as much as she wanted him. If she could just nudge him back and she could slide her body just a few inches down his and… a shiver of anticipation ran down her spine.

In the distance a phone began ringing Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe."

Groaning, Rick broke the kiss and pulled away. "Alexis. That's her ringtone. My phone is down in the living room. I have to call her back."

"I know." she replied, breathing out a frustrated sigh. She didn't blame Alexis and she understood why he had to take the call. He was her father after all and he was such a great dad. It was just frustrating that even in a different State they were still being interrupted.

He placed a soft, lingering kiss against her lips. "Hold that thought and I'll be right back." He assisted her from his lap and exited the room.

She could hear his voice, muted, but still audible even up here.

Sitting on the edge of the bed with her back to the door, she blew out an exasperated sigh, blowing her hair out of her face.

Last night had been amazing, magical even, but now that they had crossed the line, would their lives become more complicated or better and easier?

Definitely better, but that was not to say that it would be without it's complications. Life was complicated. Relationships were complicated.

Alexis would always come first, as she should and Kate didn't want to take away from that. Alexis was a great kid and she really liked Alexis, but would Alexis easily accept her in their lives?

The muted sound of her phone ringing pulled Kate out of her reverie.

She dropped onto the floor at the foot of the bed and began rummaging through the scattered clothing, toiletries, the contents of her purse, bed linens clothing and discarded throw pillows until her hand finally made purchase on her phone.

Checking the screen, she saw her dad's image reflecting back at her, the device still shrilling and vibrating through her fingers.

Shit! She had forgotten that he called to check on her on a nightly basis since they had returned from the cabin and she had neglected to call him, too.

How could she have forgotten that?

Her finger hovering over the green phone button, she took a deep, calming breath before answering, ever so thankful that her dad had balked at the idea of Face Time. "Good Morning, dad."

"Katie! Are you okay? Where the hell are you?" Jim asked worriedly.

"First off, I'm fine, dad and I'm sorry I missed your call last night. Lanie called and wanted to get together so we went out to the movies and talked through the night, you know? Catching up."

Lanie. So that's what she was going with. This was the first time she'd lied to him since she was 12. He had talked to Lanie last night and she hadn't heard from Katie since before she left the hospital. Now that he knew she was okay and not lying in her apartment alone needing help, he knew exactly whom she was with and he couldn't be happier for her. It was about time she started fleshing out a life for herself with a man she actually loved.

Jim felt the corners of his mouth lifting in amusement and a tad bit of mischief. He could call her out on it, but he had to admit that listening to her trying to cover for herself was kind of fun.

No sooner than she had answered her dad that Rick entered the room again unaware of her phone conversation.

"Hey honey, I was thinking that for the duration of our stay, it's really pointless for us to stay in separate bedrooms." he said, leaning in and brushing a kiss to the side of her neck, the scrape of his five o'clock shadow tickling her neck causing shivers of desire to once again race through her body, and making her giggle.

On the other end of the phone, there was rustling sounds and ten he heard Katie giggle and his smile grew even wider.

She was so busted. She should have known better than to lie. She was in her thirties, hadn't been a virgin in a long time and she had admitted her feelings about Rick at the cabin and hadn't he encouraged her to go for it?

How long had it been since he'd heard Katie giggle? Probably not since high school and certainly not after Jo's death. In his mind 's eye he could see the blush creeping up her neck and blossoming in her cheeks, just like her mother used to. Still, he couldn't stop the curve of his lips nor resist the tease.

"Lanie, huh? Since when does Rick Castle and Lanie sound alike? Tel l me, dear daughter, is his daughter chaperoning the two of you?" he asked.

"What? No, dad! Of course not! Look. I'm sorry I lied to you and I'm sorry I worried you. It's just…"

Jim laughed. "Relax, sweetheart. I was just teasing you. You know, hearing you giggle like you just did did my heart wonders. I haven't heard you do that in so many years and it was music to my ears. He makes you happy, Katie. Don't let that go. I'm both happy for you and so proud of you for finally realizing and taking the steps to be happy. You deserve it, honey and if Rick is the one for you and he makes you happy, then I'm happy. Look. I won't keep you, just please, call me when you get back home."

"I will, I promise. And dad, thanks. I love you."

"I love you, too. Have fun and I'll talk to you soon."

"Bye, dad."

"Bye."

"So. You're dad, huh?"

Kate nodded, pressing her lips together. Yeah. Since we got back from the cabin, he calls every night to check on me. No big deal."

"From a father's stand point, I can understand why. But really? Lanie? Does this mean that you regret..."

"No! I have no regrets about last night. What did you want me to say, Rick? Spill the beans to my dad about what we did last night?"

"Oh, ewww. No, but I don't want you to feel..."

She stepped into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck. "look, there's no way I'll ever regret what we did last night. It's not like that. I'm not like that It's just that... I don't want us to become the butt of gallows humor and if the boys find out..."

"We're talking about your dad here. Not the guys."

"No. I know, but trust me, my dad can be almost as bad. I just want us to have this to ourselves a little longer. That's all."

"No. I agree for now, but we both know that it will come out eventually."

"I know, but when that happens, I'd like to be prepared for that. You're on the New York Times best seller list and you're life is always splashed on page 6 and the thought of that terrifies me. Did you tell Martha and Alexis you were coming up here?" she asked, turning the tables back on him.

After a moment, he replied, "No. Point taken."

"So where do they think you were last night?"

"Well, Alexis went to the theater last night to watch "Hamlet" Martha Rogers style, so they didn't get home until late and didn't notice I was gone until just now. I told Alexis that Paula had neglected to tell me about an impromptu book signing that she had already set up and I am in Maine fulfilling that obligation."

"So you lied to her the same way I tried to lie to my dad, so don't get all judgmental on me."

"No. You're right. I'm sorry." he said, wrapping his arm around her waist. "Now, I don't know about you, but dinner was a little on the light side last night and I'm starving. Why don't we go downstairs and have some coffee and breakfast and then we'll have the rest of the day to do whatever we want?"

She laughed as he waggled his eyebrows at her, suggestively. "I guess we did work off dinner and now that you mention it, I'm starving, too. Come on. Let's go."

Rummaging around through the riot of clothing on the floor, she found her robe and Rick helped her shrug into it and hand in hand they left the bedroom.

A/N: Okay, this does it for this chapter. Already making notes and thinking about next chapter, hopeful for next weekend, but not promising. Anyway, have a safe, wonderful holiday weekend.


	10. Chapter 10

For The Love of Kate Chapter 10

A/N: Thank you all so very much for your kind words, your support and encouragement as well as your insights and valuable advice. You are all so amazing and every review, comment, follows/favs always amazes me and I am so thankful for each of you.

To Andrew and Terri, Stana and Nathan, Jon, Seamus, Tamala, Molly and Susan who all worked so tirelessly and diligently to create a story, a love story for the ages that will resonate with us always. The best tv show on tv and one that will live with us forever. I will always be eternally thankful for your hard work and dedication, you guys continue to inspire.

I used to say that Castle was in a class all it's own and it is, but it's more than that. It's a legacy, a rare gift of love to be cherished always. Now onto the story.

Having moved to the kitchen sink to wash the bacon grease from her hands where she had peeled the greasy strips from it's package, Kate leaned on the kitchen counter, mesmerized at the view out of the window.

The landscape before her was breathtaking, the world beyond the window seemed so magical, ethereal covered in bright, pure white so pristine.

A soft gasp of awe escaped her lips as a family of deer emerged from the woods and stood looking around for something to graze upon, creating a Norman Rockwell or Thomas Kincaid feel to the atmosphere. Beautiful

She startled a bit as Rick's arms came around her waist, the solid feel of his chest at her back, the timber of his voice at her ear pulled her from her musing.

"Hey. Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. It's just so beautiful, so peaceful here. Magical." she sighed with the wonder of it all.

"Yeah, it is. Not quite the Money Pit you imagined it to be?" he asked, brushing a soft kiss to the nape of her neck.

"No. I'm sorry. It's just the way you bought it and the reason you bought it in the first place overwhelmed me, that's all. I'm glad it turned out the way that it has."

"I understand. The way I bought it was unorthodox…"

"But you also bought it to run away from me because of my action and I feel so…"

"Okay Wait a minute. The last thing I want is for you to feel more guilty than you already do. I'll admit that was the reason I bought this place , to start fresh, but I've already forgiven you for that and we're together now and moving forward, and that's what is important, so stop feeling so guilty. Let the past lie in the past where it belongs. Now, let's finish breakfast and then we can do whatever we want." he said, dropping his voice to ooze sex appeal, innuendo and kissing her neck.

"Breakfast! The bacon!" she cried in alarm, remembering the bacon she had just put on the stove.

Turning away from her, Rick dropped his arms from her waist and hurried to the stove.

"It's okay. Just needed to be turned," he said, snatching the fork from the counter top.

Breathing a sigh of relief, she moved toward him. "Thanks. I've got this now." she said, plucking the fork from his fingers. "You finish the eggs and coffee."

They worked in tandem preparing breakfast and as they sat down to eat she asked, "Okay, since we've established that this place is obviously not the money pit I first thought and you're not giving up your life in New York and moving up here to be a recluse, have you given any thought to what you will do with it?"

Tilting his head in contemplation for a moment, he replied. "You know, I really haven't thought that far ahead, but you're right. I do need to consider the options I have open to me. What do you think I should do?"

Kate cut into her omelet and took a bite. Mmmm. Not only was he very talented and successful at writing and outstanding in the bedroom, ( not in that precise order), but he was an excellent cook, too.

"Gee, I don't know, Rick. I don't see how I have a say in this decision…" she replied, swallowing the bite.

"What? Of course you have a say. You're my girlfriend now and I hope one day we'll be more than just boyfriend/ girlfriend and as such, you definitely have a say."

Kate's jaw fell slack, her heart pounding erratically in her chest. Did he just...? Was he implying...? This soon?

Her eyes dropped to the table and then flicked up to his, taking in the stricken look on his face. He was as shocked as she was.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know we agreed to take baby steps... I didn't mean... Oh hell, yes I meant every word of what I just said. Just please, don't leave me again. I couldn't bear that. I love you, Kate and the thought of not having you in my life scares the hell out of me."

She had known that her actions after leaving the hospital had been devastating to him, but this was the first time she had seen it up close and personal. It saddened her and intensified her guilt, but in that moment she realized that he needed reassurance from her. Hpw deeply she had hurt him.

"Please, say something." he pleaded as she remained silent, taking it all in.

Why in the hell was it so hard to say those three words when she needed them now? It was only three words, but those words so full of meaning and emotion threatened to strangle her.

Laying her fork to the side of her plate, she rose and went to him, nudging the table away from him with her hip and straddled him.

"Oh Rick. It's okay, but why can't we just enjoy the here and now and what we're developing?"

"You're doubting my feel..."

"No! Not at all! That's not what I meant. It's just..."

"Too soon?"

"Maybe. Look, I'm not denying that we have something tangible and real and beautiful. I have very strong feelings for you, for what we're becoming. We're moving forward, Rick, and what we're doing feels so right, but it is a bit early. All I'm saying is let's take our time. Time to date and get used to spending more time together. I love the place we're in right now Let's see where we are in six months or even a year before we make any kind of commitments beyond this. Do you think we can do that?"

"Yes, I do and I know you're right. I just got carried away. Forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive, Rick. I want us to be open and honest with each other and not hide our feelings. I love the fact that you love me and are so open to expressing that in thought, word and action, so don't hold that back, okay?"

"Okay, but your opinion matters to me, so as far as I'm concerned, you have a say about any decisions I make regarding this place and we were discussing our options." he said in an attempt to lighten the conversation and restore the mood of a few minutes ago.

She pressed a light kiss to the corner of his lips before rising off his lap and moved back to her seat.

"Okay. Let's weigh those options. Option number one is that you continue with your plan and move up here."

"We. And that's off the table now." he corrected.

"Fine. We. Option number two is that you... we keep the place and rent it out."

"Seriously? No. That's off the table, too. Look at this place. It's gorgeous, even if it's on the small side."

"Small side according to you. It would generate a nice income making it a good investment. Besides, you still have your place in the Hamptons to consider as a summer getaway. What would you do with a third place? That takes us back to option one."

"No. I can't sell it now. Before that might have been an option, but I can't sell this place. It has special meaning now."

"Yeah, it does. For me, too. But what else can we do? Leave it to vandals and let it fall into disrepair? Are you going to fly up here on weekends to look after it?"

"No. Not without you and your schedule is often erratic. I say we keep it. I'll hire a caretaker to take care of it while we're away, just like I do for my house in the Hamptons and we'll come up here for romantic getaways. It'll be perfect. No one knows I have it, no one knows we're together, except your dad. Speaking of your dad, am I going to have trouble out of that? He's not going to come after me, is he?"

Laughing, she placed her fork to the side of her plate and took his hand across the table.

"No. Of course not. Dad loves to tease people, more especially me, but it's gentle teasing, not like the boy's gallows humor and I'll probably get the brunt of that, not you. At least, not yet. Not until he knows you better." she teased, throwing a wink his direction.

"Oh, that's comforting and good to know. So, do you think he'll keep our secret?"

"I know he will. He hasn't had a say in whom I date since I was sixteen. Besides, other than having met the guys once or twice, he doesn't really know anyone from the precinct. He knows Lanie pretty well, though, but he'll never give up my secrets. You're okay with this, right?"

"Okay with what?"

"Dad knowing about us because I can assure you there will be no trouble from him. Besides, he really likes you." She realized her mistake as soon as it left her mouth.

"But he hardly knows me. Other than meeting him at the hospital a few times and once at the loft."

"Wait. The loft ?"

Oh, hell. He'd gone and done it this time. "Uh, umm, yeah. Please, don't be mad at him. From a father's standpoint, I know where he was coming from. I completely understand."

"Understand what, Rick? I thought we agreed there would not be any more secrets between us, so I think you'd better explain that." she said sardonically, her brow quirking up as she laid her fork aside and crossed her arms on her chest.

"Okay. He looked me up a few nights before your shooting and came to my loft. He was worried and asked that I not let you throw your life away."

"He had no right to do that! Just wait until I talk to him again." she huffed.

"Kate."

"No. I will not back down on this. So you and my dad conspired behind my back?"

"No! It wasn't like that. We were just trying to keep you safe and we didn't conspire anything, Kate. It wasn't as if we sat down and made a plan. He's your dad and he loves you. We both do Please, Kate. Don't be mad at us for that."

The hurt, the anger that had been building inside her moments ago began to subside just a tad. "You put yourself between me and a bullet, putting yourself in danger…"

"Yes. And I'd do it again if necessary, in spite of how angry it made you. To conspire against someone or something, you have to know what it is you're conspiring against, but we didn't. So there was no conspiracy between me and your dad." he replied, reaching across the table, snagging her hand..

"You guys always stick together, don't you?" she asked, her voice less biting, less edgy.

"Here's the thing, Kate. Dads with beautiful little girls that they love more than life itself will stop at nothing to protect them. So, please, let's not argue anymore and don't be mad at your dad, either."

"I don't want to, either. I know you both reacted out of worry and were trying to protect me and as much as I appreciate it, I can pro..."

"No one saw this coming. We thought this ended with Lockwood's death, but apparently it didn't. I saw the glint from the sniper's bullet in my peripheral vision and I reacted instinctively. The only regret I have is that I wasn't fast enough."

When she didn't answer right away, he pleaded once again, "Please, Kate. "

Knowing that she would stop at nothing to protect the people she loved and to whatever extent was necessary. Their actions had been justified and purely instinctive. It wasn't as though she didn't do the same thing and she didn't want to argue either. Not now and certainly not after last night and the wee hours of this morning..

She regarded him thoughtfully a few more minutes across the table, the feelings churning in her gut now slowing to a slow simmer instead a rolling boil. And how could she resist those beautiful blue eyes gazing softly at her. She couldn't. It was that simple.

"Okay. For now. But I still want to find whoever is behind all of this." she said softly, her eyes turning softer where there had been hurt and anger written across her face. "

"And I promise we'll do it together the right way."

"Good. I wonder if the boys have found anything."

"You haven't talked to them?"

"No. You and my dad are the only people I've talked to in months."

"So you don't know then?"

"No. What is there to know?"

Oh hell. Now it was him feeling the tension. He had hoped not to have to break it to her like this. But now he had to.

"Rick? What are you not telling me?"

"Well, I was hoping not to tell you this, but while you were away, a new Captain from IA replaced Roy. She's as by the book as they come. Her name is Captain Gates. The boys and I were trying to find your shooter when she announced that there was no room in her precinct for a dilettante writer and kicked me to the curb. So when you return to work, I won't be with you."

"What? She can't do that!"

"She can and she did, Kate."

"Well, we have to fix this."

"We will. Just not today. I have a file at home or I would show you now, but it only lead to a warehouse in Union City that burned down years ago, so it was a dead end"

" Well, if you don't mind, I'd still like to look over it. Maybe we could go over it again together."

" I've been over and over it. I doubt that we'll find anything, but I'll let you see it when we get home. But Kate, you have to promise me that if something comes from it, you'll not go rogue on me. You have to keep the boys and I in the loop."

"And if it gets dangerous?"

"I think it could lead to danger and that's all the more reason to not go rogue. You have to promise me, Kate." he said solemnly.

"Okay. I promise." she replied, in an attempt to steer the conversation away from the case. For now.

"Good. Thank you." he said brushing a soft kiss to her knuckles, stirring up all those delicious feelings all over again. They both felt more comfortable now that secrets had been revealed.

She had to tamp that down. At least for now.

She eased her fingers from his grasp. "Eat your breakfast.", she said picking up her fork, gesturing to his plate, smiling at him.

He smiled at her and picked up his fork. "So you dad likes me, huh?"

Oh hell. And there was his over inflated ego coming through again. But honestly, from conversations with her dad at the cabin, he had made a very good impression with her dad and she had to acknowledge that. Over blown ego or not.

"I think it's only fair to say that you made quite an impression on him, but that doesn't mean…"

"I really liked him, too. He's a good man." Rick said, cutting her off mid-sentence.

Wait! What? No cavalier quips? No overblown ego? Just an honest opinion and statement? He must have changed during her absence. She just hoped he hadn't changed too much. For as much as she was enjoying this side of him, it was the other side of him that she'd fallen in love with, but this side of him was pretty awesome, too.

"Any chance we could talk him into joining us for dinner once we get back?" he asked, swallowing down a sip of orange juice.

She regarded him thoughtfully over the rim of her coffee mug. The temptation to tease was just too great. Schooling her features, she replied, "Oh, I'm sure we could arrange something. Just not right away, okay? I'm not sure I'm ready to share you with my dad just yet."

Rick coughed, choking on a piece of bacon, his eyes widening at her implication. "Not like that!" he spluttered, wiping at his chin with his napkin.

Her laughter rang through the breakfast nook, echoing through the kitchen and was music to his ears. "I was just teasing you."

"Oh, you'll pay for this one dearly." he said in mock indignation.

"Pay? Pay what? And just how do you propose you're going to get your payment?" she asked, coyly, suggestively, propping her elbow on the table and cupping her chin in the palm of her hand.

Chortling, he replied, "Oh, you'll find out. All in good time, dear detective. All in good time."

"Can't wait to find out. Now, what were you saying about keeping this place?"

"Oh," he said, leaning back against the back of his chair. "I was saying that we could keep this place. It's perfect. No one other than the two of us and Mike at the General Store knows that I own this. It's beautiful, private, secluded with quick access to Acadia National Park, it has special meaning to us. It would make the perfect romantic getaway for us."

It took Kate several long moments before she asked." You're okay with us keeping quiet about us, aren't you? I mean, it's against department rules for two people to date and work together at the same time, then apart from the boy's gallow humor, of which we'd never hear the end of it, now there's this new captain..."

"Kate, I'm more than fine with it. I understand and as long as it will keep me by your side, I don't care. I'll do whatever is necessary to remain there. Besides, I like the idea of not over sharing. I want to keep you all to myself for a while..."

Gratitude and relief swept through her. leaning across the table, she kissed him softly, murmuring "Thank you" against his lips.

After they'd regained their composure, he asked, "So what do you think?"

"Mmm. I love that idea, but you'd still need someone to look after it when we couldn't come up. That would entail knowing someone, a trustworthy person to do upkeep and protect it from vagrants and vandalism. We're not from here, Rick and we know nobody."

"That's true, but once we find someone trustworthy, it wouldn't be a problem. That's what I did for my house in the Hamptons."

"My point is that finding that trusty someone is time consuming and if you're not here to interview people…"

"Ah. Perhaps Mike knows someone reliable. We'll talk to him before we leave."

"But how do we know he's reliable? We've met him once." Kate queried.

"That's true, but Dan and Suzanne trusted him, besides there's ways to do checks on people. We can always do background checks."

"No. I'm not wasting valuable police resources to research people up here in Maine. This is not my jurisdiction and we'd get caught and I thought we agreed on keeping the fact that we're together now a secret."

"We did and we will, I promise, but I think you're over thinking this. We investigate people out of state all the time. Look, I don't know what the answer is, but we'll figure it out. We're keeping it, no matter what it takes and we'll figure it out together."

After a few moments of considering this, she replied, "Okay."

Scraping his chair back, he rose and came to her. "Now, I believe there's a score we need to settle.", he said, scraping back her chair and assisting her from it.

She gave a little shriek as he suddenly lifted and hauled her over his shoulder.

"You're such a Neanderthal!", she laughed, swatting him on the ass.

"Ah, yes, I am. Since Neanderthals mated with humans over 5,000 years ago."

"That's just theory." she said, laughing.

"Yes, it is, but if claiming belief in that theory allows me to carry you over my shoulder like this, then it's a theory I can believe in and it gives me the perfect opportunity to do this."

She squeaked as his free hand snaked beneath the hem of her robe to caress her. Ohhh, he was so getting it for this. Turnabout is fair play, but she didn't think he'd protest too much, in fact, he'd probably enjoy what she had in mind. And she was going to enjoy every second of it.

A/N : I know this is really late and I apologize. I had a notice from a past guest reviewer named Cha Cha that began reading my pregnancy fics 2 years ago that ultimately led her to read some of my lesser works and leave encouraging reviews. I left those without a conclusion so I have been bouncing back and forth between this and the conclusion to that series. So, cha cha, if you're still with us a conclusion is on it's way. It's still in the writing stages, but am pretty close to finishing it after writing for 12 hours straight on it.

I will be bouncing back and forth until I finish that one. If you've never read them or are unfamiliar with the series it begins with The Gift, Kate's Journal, Sushi, Strawberry Shakes and S'morelets, Rick's Book Launch Party, and Rocking Chairs and Lullabies.

Thank you for your patience and the continued love and support of this story. Hope you enjoy.


	11. For The Love of Kate Chapter 11

For The Love of Kate Chapter 11

A/N: Once again, I thank you all for your continued love and support of this story. This chapter will introduce Rogan into the story. Not like that. I didn't like that, either. This will be a brief mention and nothing more and she won't have married him. Anyway, I hope you'll all forgive me for this and bear with me.

"You okay?" Rick asked as he passed the door to the bedroom, his arms laden with the sheets from the master bedroom.

After having made love in the master bedroom, they had decided to tidy the bedrooms before going out to explore the rest of the grounds and since they couldn't be in a bedroom together without falling into the beds, they decided that they would separate and get through quicker.

Since there was no reason for separate bedrooms now, she had agreed to bring her things into the master suite, but all she had accomplished was to sit at the foot of the bed trying to gather her courage.

She had been appalled at the sight of hickeys on her neck and her body as they were toweling off after their shower earlier and had chastised Rick for marking her. He had replied that he couldn't help it. He loved her too much. And really, what did it matter? There was no one up here to see or care and the bruising would go away. And to be honest, she loved it, had even given him marks, too.

She shouldn't have chastised him for it, but his answer had stirred fear of rejection and guilt for not being able to exptess her own feelings and that wasn't his fault.

"Yeah," she replied, smiling weakly up at him before continuing. "No, that's not true. We need to talk, or rather I do."

"Okay." he replied uncertainly. "This sounds serious. I thought that we're on the same page. I don't understand."

"We are. It's just some things I think you should know." she said, rising from the bed and moving to stand at the window. "Come in and sit" she added, gesturing to the bed.

He did as she asked, setting the soiled laundry on the floor at his feet and waited for her to continue.

She gazed out the window at the Blue Spruce tree in the yard, it's blue/ green branches now laden with snow with a few glimpses of the blue/ green beauty of it's branches peeping through, the view spectacular from the window. God, it was beautiful up here!

"Kate, we are okay, aren't we?"

"Stanford. I met a boy at Stanford." she said, deflecting from his question.

"An old boyfriend?"

"At the time, I thought so. I took him home with me for the Christmas Holidays."

"I don't imagine your parents being thrilled with that."

She laughed, "No. Not at all. They saw things in him that I didn't. There was a lot of tension between my parents and I and we argued bitterly. His name was Rogan O'Leary. Anyway, he went back to Stanford after New Years and I stayed behind for a few days."

"So you broke up with him and sent him packing?"

"I wish, but nope. Not right away. He just returned to campus before I did. Anyway, even after he left, my parents and I continued arguing. On the day she was murdered, mom and I had a huge fight before she left for work. That day, I discovered several items of jewelry missing from my jewelry box that had been there just a few days prior to Rogan leaving."

"Oh. He was a thief?"

"Among other things. We were supposed to meet her at the restaurant and she never showed, so we went home and that's where we met Detective Raglan and you already know what happened. I stayed through her funeral and returned to Stanford a few days later, still grief stricken and feeling so guilty for arguing with her and not being able to apologize and tell her that I loved her."

Even from across the room, he could tell how deeply this was affecting her, what it was costing her to tell him this. He just wasn't sure why she was telling him or why now. He'd thought they were in a good place.

His heart cracked a little as she sniffed and brought her fingers up to wipe away the moisture that had gathered beneath her eyes.

"Kate, you couldn't have known that then. It's a super nano thing that teenagers and parents never get along or agree on anything. And I'm sure wherever your mom is, she knows how much you loved her."

She nodded slowly. "Maybe, but it still doesn't change anything, does it?"

"No. I guess it doesn't. So, are we okay? Why are you telling me all of this and why now?"

"These are just things I think you should know. Things you'd want to know. And I'm not finished."

"Okay. So what happened next?"

"A few days after her funeral, I returned to Stanford determined to find Rogan O'Leary and try to salvage what he'd taken from me, but he had checked out of school and moved out of his dorm leaving no forwarding address and no one knew where he'd gone. I searched local pawn shops in the area trying to see if I could recover what he had taken, but it was nowhere to be found. Still so overwhelmed with grief, I lost focus and my grades began to drop.."

"Given all that you'd been through, I'm not surprised. So Rogan was a rouge, a cad of a man who acts with deliberate disregard for others."

She laughed at his description, even though, every word of it was true. So typical Castle. "Uhh, yeah, we covered that already." then she continued on more seriously.

"I couldn't take the thought of my dad all alone and grieving the way he was during her funeral, so I dropped out and moved back home only to find that my dad had spiraled so far down that he was living at the bottom of a bottle, several bottles. That was so unlike him, Rick. It was already so bad that his law practice was suffering tremendously. His partners began leaving one by one because of his addiction to the bottle."

"So you became more determined to clean him up?"

"Yeah, but it took awhile. I enrolled at NYU and changed my major from Pre- Law to Criminal Justice, hurrying home everyday to cook him hot meals. He started coming home later and later every night, a drunken, slobbering mess. The dinners I worked so hard on often went cold and/or untouched. Instead, he'd reach for another bottle instead of eating, or I had to drag his sorry ass home from bars until one night, I'd had enough. I ranted and raved at him, going through the house and emptying every bottle I could find down the drain. Drunk or not, he became so angry that he raised his hand and slapped me so hard across the face that the force knocked me backward into the kitchen table and onto the floor as I lost my balance."

"Oh, Kate. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. He regretted it as soon as his hand made contact and he was as shocked as I was. He joined me on the floor, crying and holding me in his arms, telling me how sorry he was and promised never to do that again. It was what needed to happen for him to realize just how far he'd sunk into alcoholism. The next night we both attended our first AA meeting that started both of us on a path toward healing."

"You're an amazing woman, Kate, and I love you so. I had no idea that you went through all that."

"I know. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. And you're the only person I've shared this with. Even after we joined AA, it still took awhile for dad to recover, but his sponsor took a lot of pressure off of me. I graduated from NYU with flying colors with his sponsor's help and support. I graduated at the top of my class and then entered the academy and aced it and went to work as a patrol cop where I met Mike Royce."

"I liked him. I was jealous of him, but I liked him more than Sorenson, Deming or Josh."

"There was no reason to be jealous of him, Rick. In the beginning there was an attraction between us and we'd go out for beers after work, but we figured out after a short time that we worked better as friends. Nothing more. I shared about mom's murder to him and he was the only one who understood and didn't tell me that I'd just 'Get over it.' I moved from patrol cop where Roy found me in the Records Room going through old files on my mom's case. I wasn't even supposed to be there. I could have gotten into a lot of trouble for being there, but he never called me out on it. I got promoted from beat cop to Vice. I was only there for a couple of months before Roy recruited me for Homicide."

"And that's where you met Will."

"Yes. I told you about that the other day and how he left me for Boston high and dry, owing the rent and utilities without so much as a note. But what I didn't tell you…"

She hesitated and he could see how she was struggling with whatever she was going to say.

"Come on, Kate. You can tell me anything."

"Things happened with Will and I so quickly, too quickly, I think. There was an attraction between us when we met during our first case together. When we found that little boy dead and closed the case we both sought solace and comfort and we needed it. We went out, had a few beers and I ended up going home with him. One thing led to another and we ended up in his bed."

"I can understand why you sought escape… solace, some sort of comfort after a case like that."

"No. I had no regrets. I should have, but I didn't. I thought that after sleeping together that we really could make something out of that. But, I was so wrong."

"You were very vulnerable then, Kate. He should have have been more in control. He should have.."

"Be that as it may, I'm not denying my part in this. I wasn't completely responsible, either and I should have put a stop to it before it got out of hand, but I didn't. We ended up dating a few times before he talked me into moving in with him. I was so clueless, Rick. I imagined myself in love with him and vise versa, but I was so wrong. By opening myself up to him, I opened myself up to new vulnerabilities and I trusted him, telling him things about myself that I'd never told another soul. "

" The night before he left, I told him that I loved him. The next morning, he was just gone. Other than my parents, I'd never said those words and I haven't said them to anyone other than my dad since then."

"He didn't deserve you, Kate and I'm not that type of guy. I'm not sure why you told me all of this but, I'm glad you did. It takes a lot of trust to tell someone all of that when you didn't have to. Thank you for trusting me with that."

"I know you're not. That's why I did tell you, Rick. I trust you more than I have anyone else in a long time and I hope you know that."

" So when Will came back a couple of years ago, he wanted to get back with you? How did that make you feel?"

"I'm not going to deny that the scene you walked in on at the Candellas and he kissed me, that there wasn't a spark there, but it was only a moment ... a very brief moment and I instantly regretted letting him get that close again. Yes, he did want to get back together, but I couldn't trust him. I trusted him once and I wasn't going to make that mistake again. It broke my heart when he left the first time, I wasn't about to go through it again."

"I know how badly that hurts, Kate. I remember the day I came home and found Meredith in our bed with her producer. But after awhile, I realized just how relieved I was after she was gone. Now that I think back on it, my hurt was more for Alexis than it was mine. I never really loved Meredith. Not the way I should have. She gave me Alexis and I'm thankful to her for that, but that's as far as it went and as far as it will ever go."

"And Gina? What about her?" Kate asked, bringing her gaze from the beautiful, pristine, white scenery outside the dormer window to meet his gaze.

"I can't believe that I made that mistake not once, but twice. Gina is history other than strictly professional."

She nodded and continued her gaze out of the window as a heavy silence fell between them.

"Kate, we are okay, aren't we?"

She brought her gaze from the window and smiled hesitantly at him. "Yes, we are. I just needed to get that out."

Rick surveyed the chaos that they'd made of the room just a few hours ago. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you for telling me and I'm glad that we're okay. But I do have a question.

"Oh? What kind of question."

"The jewelry that Rogan took. Was it valuable?"

She chuckled derisively, shaking her head. "No. Pure costume jewelry that my grandmother had given me to play with when I was a little girl. The only value it had was sentimental."

"Well, I guess Karma came and bit him in the ass."

"Yeah." she laughed, her gaze never wavering from the window.

Another heavy silence fell between them.

"Well, I guess if we want to go outside and explore, we'd better get busy. I'll get this laundry downstairs and then I'll come back and help you with this." he said, his gaze falling to the soiled linen at his feet.

When there was still no response from Kate, he rose from the bed and gathering the laundry at his feet, headed to the door.

"There's no need. I'll get this. I just need a moment."

"And you'll bring your things to the master bedroom?"

A small smile graced her lips. "Of course."

He turned to leave and started for the bedroom door again.

"Rick, I love you, too."

Surprised, he turned to find her staring back at him.

She swallowed nervously. "I always have…" she said, her voice trailing off.

"There's something I want to show you when we get back home. Remember when Gantz murdered Royce and Lainie found that letter addressed to me?" she asked.

At his nod she continued, "In that letter, he said that it was clear to him that we had something special and I was fighting it. He was right. I'm not good in relationships, Rick…"

"Kate, it was the guys you were with, not you. And I don't have the best track record, either. "

Smiling gently at him, she shook her head. "After Rogan and Will, I was terrified to dive right into a relationship, so I kinda distanced myself, never committing myself wholly into one. Royce saw through me and called it to my attention."

"Please, tell me that you aren't having regrets." he said, worry etching his features.

"I have a ton of them. I regret all of our missed opportunities, all of our holding ourselves back from each other, all of our misunderstandings and not communicating with each other. I know that even now, you are still a bit hurt and angry that I didn't call for three months, whether you own up to it or not, you still are. And as much as I regret that I didn't call you, I also know that I needed that space to figure it out and come to terms with the love I have for you. And I want you to know that all of that has ended now. I love you so very much, Rick."

He dropped the laundry in his arms and crossed the room in very few strides to take her in his arms and kissed her deeply and passionately.

"I love you too, Kate." he said against her lips, his voice breaking and cracking with the emotion of it all.

"Mmmm, love you, too and I promise that as long as we're together, you'll never doubt it because I plan on showing and telling you in words and actions from now on. You've awakened feelings in me that I never thought I was capable of feeling." she murmured breathlessly, her forehead resting against his.

Squeezing her tighter against him, he replied, "I've never loved another woman as much as I love you, Kate and I never will. And I promise that you'll never, ever doubt that."

"I don't that." she said, snuggling closer into his embrace, her cheek resting against his chest, the beating of his heart against her ear.

"I love you, Kate."

"I love you, too." she replied, surprised at how easy the words came and the feeling of freedom of being able to finally tell him. The world hadn't ended, nor had a giant hole appeared and swallowed her whole. Instead, she felt free and a rightness with the world. It would be okay now.

There was a lull in conversation as they stood reveling in the warmth and security of their love.

After a few moments, Rick pulled back and looked at his watch.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Checking the time. We were going to go out and explore the grounds, remember?"

"Yeah, but I wasn't aware that we were on a time limit."

"Well, we are. I'll bet I can finish my chores before you finish yours."

"You just want to go play in the snow, don't you?" she asked, amusement dancing in her eyes.

"Guilty as charged. Race you?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow at her, his joy etching his features, his eyes twinkling merrily at her.

"Well, I don't think that would be fair since I wasn't aware we were racing and you're already ahead of me in that department."

"Yeah, you're right. Okay, so I'll cook dinner tonight, a full course, romantic dinner complete with a full naked body massage after that."

"Okay. Deal. In front of the fireplace." As much as she had shaken her head in the past at him for his childish ways, she honestly loved that about him, his fun loving side, even if it was to her disadvantage. Besides, a full body, naked body massage on the line, well, suffice it to say, that he was an expert with those hands.

He smiled warmly at her and checked his watch again. "In 3… 2... 1…. Go!" he exclaimed, as he sprinted toward the bedroom door, scooping up the laundry he had left abandoned on the floor on his way out.

She laughed as he retreated from the room.

Well, one thing about it, her life had certainly done a 360 since they had come up here. She loved him just as he was and life with him would never, ever be boring.

A/N: Okay. Going to end this chapter here and begin the next. I don't see much more to this story, probably just another chapter or 2 left. I have to admit how much I've enjoyed writing this and the idea of them having their own special meaning place that no one except the two of them knows about, so I'll probably keep bringing them back. I recently read a fic that the author stated that she loved writing their stories and couldn't give up. That author is not alone. I can't do it, either. I will always write their stories. Thank you for hanging with me.

Now, as far as the conclusion to the pregnancy fics I've written, I have just about completed writing the ending, but am stuck. I know how I want to write it and I have it in my head, but think I need someone to help me with te very last of it. Is there anyone out there who would be willing to help? Any recomendations?


	12. Chapter 12

For The Love of Kate Epilogue

A/N: So sorry for the delay on this and I hope you are all still with me. After re writing this chapter several times, I've decided to close this off.

For as much as I've loved writing this, the rest of the story just wouldn't come despite my best efforts. That being said, I've begun writing another story to bring them back and am nearly four chapters into it. I hope to finish this one and download the first chapter a few days after this one is published. Hopefully before next Friday.

There will be a time jump of a couple of days in this chapter and I think it will be a short chapter.

For those of you who have read, commented, reviewed, fav/followed this story, I am so thankful and hope you will continue with me into this next journey.

Okay. Here we go.

Beside her, there was a snuffle, a small groan and Rick unconsciously removed his arm from around her waist before he rolled onto his other side.

She waited with bated breath until she heard the soft snores and his breathing to even out again before slowly easing from the bed.

Glancing at the glowing red numbers of the digital clock beside the bed, she saw that it was 4:30 am and time to get started. It was their last day there and she wanted to surprise him with homemade cinnamon rolls and that meant kneading the dough and letting it rise and that was time consuming, but in the end, it was so worth the effort.

Yesterday, they had heard the road equipment up on the highway clearing the roads and knew that this was coming to an end, and later, Mike from the Otis General Store had come to inform them that the roads were now passable again.

Rick had called the airport and confirmed that they were indeed open again and he made the arrangements for their flight back home. Their flight left at 10:00 am which meant that they needed to be at the airport no later than 9:15.

She searched the floor on her hands and knees in the dark searching until she found her panties and the green plaid flannel shirt that she had taken off Rick just a few hours ago.

When he dressed in plaid flannel, he reminded her of Paul Bunyan, the giant lumberjack in American folklore only her version of him was much more handsome and sexy than the images portrayed in the folk lore. A smile graced her lips at the thought of that comparison.

She dressed as quickly and as quietly as she could in the dark, sliding into her panties and pulling Rick's shirt over her head. and made her way to the bedroom door where she turned to gaze upon him. After a moment, a shudder ran through her at the memory of their lovemaking a few hours ago and resisted the temptation to brush that errant lock of hair away and smooth his brow, kissing his temple in the process.

She resisted the urge and stepped from the door and closing it softly behind her.

Once in the kitchen, she brewed a pot of coffee and began gathering the mixing bowls and utensils that she would need and set about gathering her ingredients before going to work.

After she had the dough rising on the stove, she poured herself a cup of coffee and sat at the small dining room table, gazing out of the window watching the break of day beginning to rise on the horizon.

God! It was beautiful up here! In spite of her misgivings a few days before, she loved this place and hated the thought of leaving here, but real life called and she had to return to work.

Her mind wandered back to the snowball fight they'd had in the yard a couple of days ago when Rick had tackled her to the ground and they had rolled around in the snow like two kids, the snowman they had made in the yard the morning after the freak snowstorm, who was now slowly melting away now that the temperature had risen above freezing briefly yesterday and the house/groundskeeper two room cabin hidden in the woods that was really just a combination living, dining and bedroom with a very small separate bathroom that was just large enough for a barely there shower, toilet, and sink, and the campsites on the property at the edge of Beech Hill Pond nestled in the forest.

It was 6:15 am when she pulled the cinnamon rolls out of the oven and a sleepy, rumpled, bed headed, Rick entered the kitchen attempting to stifle a yawn behind his hand. It never ceased to amaze her how sleep rumpled and hair sticking out at different angles all over his head was so sexy, but on him it was.

"I thought I smelled coffee and something amazing down here." he said, coming up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, sliding his hand up the front of the shirt to stroke her.

Oh god. It took every ounce of strength she could muster up not to give in to him. It would be so easy and was so tempting to let him have his way.

"God, you look so sexy wearing my shirt." he rasped against her neck, his hand still stroking her beneath the hem of the shirt. You can wear them anytime you want. I reached for you and you weren't there."

Her knees had gone weak when he first touched her and the more he stroked her, the weaker they became It was amazing how he could reduce her to a quivering mass of want and desire with just one touch.

"Wanted to surprise you." she stammered, her head tilting to one side to give him more access. Somehow, she needed to try and get her composure back before they went too far. "Babe, you need to stop." she muttered, her own voice quaking with need.

"Why? You love me and I love you I want you and I can feel that you want me, too."

He had a valid point. What the hell. Maybe they wouldn't be late.

She turned in his arms, pulling his face down and claimed his lips in a long slow kiss. "Take me to the couch."

In one smooth move, he cradled her in his arms and did just that.

* * *

Her/His shirt had remained on, rucked up, but still on her body. Her panties had been discarded somewhere behind the couch as well as his boxers and flannel pajama bottoms.

It hadn't taken them long at all. Both of them had been ready and eager.

After allowing them a few minutes to bask in the afterglow, she went into the kitchen where she popped the rolls back in the oven to reheat while he remained behind, still pulling himself together. She had just taken them from the oven when he returned from the living room.

"How long have you been up?" he asked, crossing the room and dropping a kiss to her cheek.

Smiling, she turned from the oven and wrapped her arms around his neck to kiss him back.

"Since 4:30. I thought I'd come down and have breakfast made for you. I made my mom's homemade cinnamon rolls for our last breakfast here."

"Oh. I love cinnamon rolls!" he said, grabbing a hot roll from the pan before she could stop him.

"No, Rick!"

But it was too late. He had already taken a bite.

"Oww! Those are hot!" he exclaimed fanning his mouth.

"Of course they are. I just took them out of the oven. And I haven't iced them, yet."

"These are so good! They don't need any icing. Why didn't you wake me up? I could have helped."

She shrugged. "I wanted to surprise you on our last morning here and it wouldn't have been a surprise if I had done that."

"Well, you did and it's a wonderful surprise. Thank you." he said, leaning in to kiss her softly.

She wondered if she dare bring the question up to him about his decision on keeping this place or not. Initially, she had been against the idea, not being able to see how he would manage it from Manhattan. But the fact was that he had a house in the Hamptons and as far as she knew, he had no trouble doing that, so why couldn't he do the same thing here? In the end, she ultimately decided that it wouldn't be any of her business at this early stage. Besides, he'd probably bring the conversation up himself at some point in time. Maybe he was still undecided at this time.

She poured him a cup of coffee and after breakfast, they cleaned what plates and cups they had used as well as the baking pan she had used for the cinnamon rolls as Kate had washed the dishes as she went along on cooking and then headed upstairs to prepare for the journey into the airport.

* * *

"Do you have everything?" Rick asked, nuzzling into her ear.

They were standing at the foot of the stairs preparing to leave,

"Yeah." she replied, relishing the warmth of his breath against her ear, the softness of the press of his lips against her cheek.

"Okay. I'll go and bring the car from the garage."

"Okay." She watched as he exited the front door and then she wandered a few feet into the living room.

Her gaze fell to the couch where they had cuddled together as they read 'Naked Heat' together, the couch where they'd first made love and had repeated the same just a scant half hour ago. There wasn't a flat surface in the cabin where they hadn't made love.

So much had happened since they first arrived a few days ago and she had no regrets. In spite of her earlier misgivings about the place, misgivings she no longer had, she loved this place. She wondered again what he would do with it now.

They hadn't discussed it since their first day here and she had no more idea where his head was on this than she had before.

She was so lost in thought that she hadn't heard him approach and jolted as she felt the warmth of his hand in hers.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his brow furrowing with concern.

"Yes. It's just so beautiful up here, I kinda hate to leave, you know?"

'Yes, it is." he agreed, nodding his head. "Ready to go?"

Although she nodded her head yes, her eyes remained on the couch in the living room and stood rooted to the spot after he gently tugged on her hand.

As if reading her mind, he took both her hands in his.

"Hey, you didn't think I was going to sell it, did you?" he asked, tipping her chin up to look in her eyes.

"I wasn't sure. We haven't talked about it anymore, but you are going to, aren't you?"

"You could have asked again, you know?"

"I didn't think it was any of my business."

"Of course it's your business, too. But just so you know, No. I am not going to sell. I mean, this is the first place we made love, this is where you told me that you loved me, too. This place has special meaning now. I couldn't sell after all this."

"Do you mean that?"

"Of course I mean that. I wouldn't have said it otherwise. Don't worry. We'll be back."

"Promise?" she asked.

"I promise."

"I love you!" she said, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him.

"I love you, too. Now, we'd better get going if we don't want to miss our flight."

Hand in hand they stepped out on the deck.

"Let's go." she said, taking his hand after he locked the door behind them.

She didn't know when they'd be back, but Richard Castle was a man of his word and if he said they'd be back they would be. And she couldn't wait!

A/N: Well, that does it for this one. Now, back to work on the next one. Hope you will all join me Hope to have this one posted no later than Monday and by Wednesday, have the first chapter of the next one up no later than Friday, but hopefully sooner as it is already written. If you live in the US and celebrate our Independence Day, I hope you all have a safe, fun filled holiday with lots of beautiful fireworks. If you don't live in the US, have a wonderful weekend


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